Burning Bridges REDO

[AWanderingMinstral]

I posted this under CAREER ADVICE, but I heard nothing. I could really use some input. Thanks!

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Howdy, allnurses! I need some career advice. I spent a tumultuous three years on an ortho/uro med-surg unit in a large teaching hospital. I was always dependable and worked steady nights. I took a research position in September 2010. During my last week on my previous unit, I was scheduled for three nights in a row. I had a sinus infection and I was taking an antibiotic. I worked three nights, but, on my final night, I called off. The unit director called me within five minutes to tell me that someone else also called off and that it would not look good if I called off. When it came time for a recommendation for the research position, she told my new supervisor that I did my job well and that the patients liked me, but, as my disinterest in floor nursing grew, I became difficult to work with. The irony is that I received two positive references from colleagues and that my interaction with the unit director was limited to 30 minutes in the morning.

A couple of colleagues have told me to not use her in the future. However, I worked for her for three of the 3 1/2 years that I've been a nurse. Should I send her an e-mail telling her that I am finishing my graduate degree in May and that I would like to know if I can rely on her for a positive reference (related to my work and not our personal relationship)? If so, should I subtly refer to the fact that I know she gave me a lukewarm reference? Thanks for your input.

[Altra, BSN, RN]

Personally, I wouldn't rely on her as a reference. Approach your current colleagues about serving as a reference for you for your graduate school application, as soon as there has been a reasonable amount of time to establish a good working relationship.

[youngphillynurse]

... I wonder if your unit director was just a tad bitter about losing you...

Is there someone else from management that could write this recommendation for you? A charge nurse or another manager from a different unit that you may have worked on when pulled? I think you must "feel-it-out" with the situation concerning your unit director and whether or not she is approachable. If your gut tells you that you must tell her (in a professional, non-defensive way) that you know of a negative comment she made in your recommendation and were concerned, then do it. Otherwise, hope that whoever will read the recommendation for the new position knows that all of us (nurses and otherwise) have room for improvement and is able to see this reference from an unbiased standpoint - especially since this person is not necessarily working with you on a day-to-day basis. Just to be on the safe side, have those other recommendations as a counterpart to show that 2 positive against 1 negative shows maybe that there's a bit of a personal conflict (on the director's behalf).

[FrogKissingNurse]

if she already gave you a "luke warm" reference i wouldn't use her again. you don't want to ruin your chances of a new job because of a grudge holding unit director.

[Vikingkitten]

I'm with those who say not to use that supervisor again. The job market is hard enough these days, and losing a position to a lukewarm recommendation isn't what you planned for. Use other supervisors and co-workers.

Just my $.02.

[BrookeeLou_RN]

Do Not use her! Just using her may make her angry and your reference may get even worse. Use a peer nurse that you worked with those 3 yrs, or a charge nurse or other type of supervisor. And at new place, once you get comfortable ask someone there if you could use them, yeah I know it won't be over one year but it is still better than using person who already gave you less the stellar reference.

And just talking to her may seem to work but I have known some who will agree to one thing then when you need the reference the most they tell a different story. Be careful!

[AWanderingMinstral]

I REALLY appreciate the input! So, if I am "forced" to use her, should I contact her beforehand and, if she's not agreeable, simply use Human Resources to verify employment? With this unit director, you're only as good as the last favor you did for her.

[BrookeeLou_RN]

I would use Human Resources to verify employment...just my opinion

[Altra, BSN, RN]

I REALLY appreciate the input! So, if I am "forced" to use her, should I contact her beforehand and, if she's not agreeable, simply use Human Resources to verify employment? With this unit director, you're only as good as the last favor you did for her.

You're not forced to do anything. Don't use her, period. Yes, this may possibly mean that you need someone who has known you a shorter length of time, or who is not your direct supervisor ... but life will go on. Good luck to you. :)

[rn4ever?]

Wow, you really want to use her as a reference don't you? Go ahead if you really want to.....but don't act surprised if you don't get a job afterwards.

She already gave you a lukewarm reference before.....aren't you glad you found out so that you don't use her again? It would be better if you use somebody else who will give you a positive and good reference.

I REALLY appreciate the input! So, if I am "forced" to use her, should I contact her beforehand and, if she's not agreeable, simply use Human Resources to verify employment? With this unit director, you're only as good as the last favor you did for her.

[canesdukegirl, BSN, RN]

While I agree with the previous posters in stating that since she gave you a lukewarm reference, and you should not use her again, I must share an experience with you.

I was also in this same situation. I worked for a unit for 2.5 years and since my direct manager of the unit was always either holed up in her office or at a meeting somewhere, she and I rarely saw each other. When I switched to night shift, I NEVER saw her. I became very ill and needed to be hospitalized close to the end of my employment with her. The last 4 months I worked there, I had to use FMLA. She is the sort of manager that only sees staff as a number and will only give top notch references if you work lots of OT, do your job and then some, and only if you were an a** kisser. Although she said she would re-hire me, she told me that since I was gone so much with FMLA, that she would not give me a stellar reference. So I didn't use her as a reference.

When I applied to other jobs, I used charge nurses and co-workers as my references, but I was called by the HR departments of the places I applied to. They all told me that I needed a reference from my DIRECT supervisor. I made the mistake of being honest with the HR departments in telling them that I had been ill and had used FMLA, and that my NM told me that she would not be giving a glowing reference. My resume was deep sixed at that point.

I ended up taking a job within the same hospital system that I did not love (it was considered a lateral transfer), but I was able to stay there long enough to get wonderful references from my direct supervisor as well as some great surgeons and nurses.

So your situation is a catch-22. Some places require a letter from your direct supervisor and some do not. If I were you, I would list her as my direct supervisor (most applications ask for this info anyway) but would not list her as a reference. If the HR department has a question about it, they will call you. From experience, I have learned to keep it short and vague.

I hope this helps in your dilemma. There is nothing like a lukewarm boss.

[canoehead, BSN, RN]

If you have a positive written evaluation from her bring it with you to the interview. Provide other references. I'd say that you haven't been able to get in touch with her to ask about being a reference, so you brought the written document for their information. At least if they attempt to contact her the written info will contradict any negative verbal statements she might make.