I have been an RN since 2009 so I'm going on three years and I feel as though I might want out of healthcare altogether.. My initial desire when I went into nursing was to be able to be a servant to others and to show Christ to all those that I was to come in contact with. I made it through a BSN program and I feel as though clinicals did not give me a good picture of what nursing was all about. For example, the max amount of patients I was given was one and the patients were relatively all 'easy' looking back in hindsight.
There were definitely some red flags as I went through nursing school however, so I can't completely blame the lack of experience from clinicals.
To give some background, I have worked on a surgical unit and then for the past year I have worked on a medical unit that also cares for stroke and cancer patients, both of these being in a busy hospital setting. I have only worked the night shift to this point, as I would not be able to handle the stress of working days with all the many discharges, admissions, doctors and families running around as well. I have come to the conclusion that I may just not be cut out for nursing. I get incredibly stressed before each shift, and the unpredictability I fear may send me to an early grave. I have learned alot about myself from nursing, and I dream of a job/career that is predictable where I don't have to fear what kind of assignment I will be given as I'm driving to the job site.
Working nights has also taken a toll on me and my relationship with my wife. All my friends and family members keep asking when I plan on moving to the day shift and I feel my ego is keeping me from telling them I will never be able to do the day shift working as a nurse because I just can't handle the stress... Thankfully my wife supports me and she agrees that I need to look for a different job. On the floor I work now we take 6-7 patients a night which I feel is completely unsafe as some of them are so incredibly sick and needy. Some friends have recommended doing critical care or working in a clinic. I know I would not be able to handle the stress of doing ICU nursing with those type of patients. Also, I have never seen male nurses working in any clinic that I have been to.
I need some ideas, please. It's gotten so bad that I'm to the point of driving home from work and I see some guy mowing for a lawn service and I am envious of his job.
