Bullies

[jbee]

I've recently taken a new job and for the first time ever I've run into the dreaded workplace bully. I was very lucky as a new grad: for two years I worked on a floor with very supportive and knowledgeable nurses. They were ALWAYS open to questions and offered patience and guidance when needed. They were amazing mentors and I never felt threatened by any of them.

The other night I went into work and, unfortunately, this bully was assigned to be my preceptor for the night. She was HORRIBLE- she yelled at me for making a bed "wrong" and threw the sheets onto the floor, criticized my EVERY move, and rolled her eyes when I asked questions. She even double checked me when I took blood pressures! I left work feeling completely belittled, ready to cry, and inches from quitting nursing (well, at least quitting this job...). After sitting on it for a few hours, I realized that she was the one in the wrong, not I (how can you make a bed wrong?!? Better yet, why would you yell at someone in front of her co-workers and patients for it?).

Here are my questions for you:

1) How should I have dealt with the situation? It was a night shift, and she was the charge nurse for the night. I don't think that she would have responded well had I said anything back to her. However, I realize that accepting bullying/humiliation isn't right either. One of my new co-workers, my regular preceptor, told me that this has been an ongoing issue and that I should report it to the manager right away. However, I also don't want to be a "tattle tale" in a new workplace, either.

2) How should I deal with her in the future? I will not be preceptored by her anymore. However, I do have to work with her in a (hopefully) positive environment. I noticed today that my other co-workers just try to avoid her/stay out of her line of fire/do everything "her way." I don't know if it's fair, however, for me to have to tippy toe around her- there is, after all, more than one way to make a bed .

Any advice/stories will be appreciated. Thank you!

[TheCommuter, BSN, RN]

You did nothing to challenge her outrageous behavior. Therefore, you unfortunately have given her implied consent that it is alright to treat you as if you are a doormat.

Bullies target certain individuals in the workplace, but they mysteriously leave other people on the floor alone. Whether or not you become a target will depend upon how you are perceived. If you are viewed as a 'softie' who will not defend oneself against the bully, you'll be marked as an easy target. If you're perceived as someone who will resist attacks, respond to verbal quips, and not let anyone walk over you, bullies will quickly know to leave you alone.

Nurses must "bully-proof" themselves by openly confronting any bullying as soon as it happens. If a person is too challenging to pick on or viewed as too difficult of a target, the bully will simply move on to softer targets.

Bullying is a cowardly act of opportunity. Bullies pick on the most opportune targets: people who are unlikely to respond in a defensive manner to the bullying. If nothing is done at the moment it occurs, the bully will continue the rampage because he/she knows that he/she can get away with it.

[milzer2012]

I have been in this postion too - and being the "newbie" is hard, period.

Try to stay out of her way, kill her with kindness.

How long is your initial probation period ? I wouldn't make any waves until you

are well past that. Learn the culrute there, and the pecking order - there could

be something going on there that is not apparent at first.

Good luck.

[Baloney Amputation, BSN, LPN, RN]

Bullies are wusses. They like to test you and break you down. The most efficient way to deal with a bully is to stand up for yourself and forget the tendency to want to be liked by everyone for a while. It will work in your favor anyway, because it'll earn you some respect. You don't have to act obnoxious like she does in order to stand up for yourself, but please challenge her strongly when she does her idiotic stuff. It doesn't matter if she's charge or not or if you think she'll take it well or not. She isn't giving you the same consideration, right?

Underneath it all, she really is a wuss but isn't comfortable with being a wuss. That's why she is doing what she is to you. Keep that in mind.

[clemmm78, RN]

One of the best approaches when something like that is to say innocently and very incredulously:

Now why on earth would you do that? (after the bed incident)

Why are you yelling at me like that?

I'm not quite sure why you're speaking to me like this - why are you?

Did you really just say that?

Why did you just say that?

You get the idea. You'd be surprised how well this works. They expect you to cower, they want you to argue. but if you respond like that, this, they have absolutely no idea what to say in return.

[belgarion]

As far as the bed incident goes, you could have said "wrong covers a lot of territory. Could you narrow it down please?"

When she rolls her eyes say something like "do you have something in your eye? Do you want me to look for it?"

Say "I don't understand screeching. When you are ready to speak English, let me know." Then walk off.

The only person likely to stand up for you is YOU. If you let her get away with this, you'll belong to her as long as you stay. Stand up to her and she'll back off and hunt for easier prey.

[country mom]

A bully is like a lion out on the prowl, seeking the weakest deer in the herd on which to prey. Does the deer turn around, and try to "make friends" with the lion? Certainly not! The lion is not interested in making friends, the lion only seeks to conquer the prey. The deer must be quick, fearless and stay one step ahead of the lion. The lion will eventually move on to other prey when it's realized that he cannot catch the deer.

Yes, you can report it to management. But guess what, if this person has been there any amount of time, they already know. They just don't know what to do with her.

The above posters left some very good lines to use. Strong, polite, yet firm and non-negotiating. Yes, we all dream that we can reform a bully, but it's not likely. The only thing that can reform a bully is some life-altering, major event. Otherwise, the bully will continue to be a bully.

[aileenve, ASN, RN]

You should report it right away, you know you are not the first person she bullied; we had a nursing supervisor who acted this way but she was dismissed after numerous complaints..they need a paper trail.

[Canggih1]

Even though it may not appear so, she has low self esteem and feels insecure. So she is bullying to overcompensate for those feelings. You need to stand up to her. There was a supervisor at my former workplace ( not healthcare) who was a bully. I didn't work under him but had contact with him. At first I let him get away with treating me like I'm stupid but eventually I stood up to him and the bullying stopped very quickly and he actually treated me as an equal.

[socalRN3]

Record every incident. Date/time/what happened. Try to avoid her if possible, never make eye contact and never say hi. The big thing is stand up for yourself. If she acts this way towards you again say something in a calm tone like, "I understand you may be frustrated and I do not appreciate anyone talking to me in that way". This type of behavior should not be tolerated in any type and workplace and the only reason is it tolerated is because people are afraid to stand up to these bullies.

By the way, I am a new grad also and I have had to stand up for myself and I have gained more respect from my coworkers.

[Scrubby]

When she yells at you remain calm and say "would you care to rephrase that?" if she looks a bit confused then go on to say " I'm giving you the opportunity to speak to me with respect. I'm more than happy to work with you but I will be spoken to professionally". If she tries to argue snd belittle you then walk away from her.

You should always try and confront people like this before involving management. Sometimes all it takes is a bit of assertiveness for them to back off.

[CBsMommy]

Another way to stand up for yourself is to pull her aside and ask her if she's having a bad day and if there's anything you can do. When she asks why it seems like she's having a bad day, you can point out some of her behavior (do it in a concerned way) and again, ask if there's anything you can do.

This accomplishes a few things. It doesn't make you a tattle tale, it doesn't focus the conversation on you, it will make it seem like you are trying to help, you can not possibly be written up for asking someone what you can do to help (like you can with some of the passive aggressive quotes above) and it will get her to focus on her behavior. You have to be really delicate with this approach though and do not come across as if you are blaming her.

Otherwise, I have said a few of the things the above posters have mentioned and while it does not make a great working environment, it will accomplish the goal of her leaving you alone.