Best Nursing Diagnosis of All Time

[This]

For one of my clinicals this term, I submitted this as my nursing diagnosis, feel free to duplicate and distribute PRN.

"

Nursing Diagnosis (Problem):

Disturbed Energy Field*

R/T (Etiology):

Spiritual Hemorrhage

As Manifested By(S/Sx)

Subjective: Denial of Chi energy, Paranormal pain

Objective: Closed mind, Decreased metaphysical strength, Hypnosis intolerance

Diagnostic Data: Daily Horoscope, Palm reading, Planetary Alignment

Expected Patient Outcome: clear, concise, realistic & measurable

-Patient will subconsciously correct the energy field disturbance by end of shift

Interventions (Include interventions by nurse and other providers with rationale for each)

1) Utilize Therapeutic Touch to boost natural energy fields

Rationale: Trained professionals can learn to sense and restore a patients energy field

2) Turn patients bed toward Mecca

Rationale: Mecca is believed to be a holy place tied to mystical healing

3) Place dream catcher above patients bed

Rationale: Dream catchers aka NADS (Negative-Antagonist-Dream-Suppressants) prevent bad dream energy from reaching the patient

4) Perform acupuncture treatment Q 4 hours

Rationale: Traditional Chinese medicine may be beneficial in replenishing Qi counts to speed up a patients energy tissue repair

5) Administer Homeopathic/Naturopathic pain medications PRN

Rationale: Alternative treatments have been proven to be just as effective as real placebos (AKA Sugar Pills), except in newborns. I would stick to sugar pills in newborns; they haven't had enough time to develop sensitivity to the powerful effects of alternative analgesics. Also, it's very hard to overdose.

6) Teach patient the benefit of investing in Student Nurses own brand of holistic supplements

Rationale: Testimonial evidence and numerous anecdotal accounts have supported the use of Student Nurse's overpriced multivitamins

Evaluation of Patient Outcome

The outcome was :) already met □ partially met □ not met

as evidenced by: My astrological predictions.

*DISCLAIMER: This page is satirical in nature, no attempts were ment to single out any particular methodology, please smile/laugh and turn page for the Real Nursing Diagnosis

"

Now, if only my instructor had a sense of humor.

[Siennah]

:fnypst:

[nursel56]

Disturbed Energy Field!! My favorite. :nmbrn: Nurse should wear protective gear to avoid being injured by the spikes in the patient's aura, too

[This]

yeah dont want to contaminate their sterile faith haha

[Intern67]

Fantastic!

Hey, if they don't like it they should take that snake oil BS out of the NANDA books.

[JROregon, ASN, BSN, RN]

Nurse should use protective aluminum, foil wrapped strategically from head to foot to prevent taking on any additional cosmic energy. Make it so.

[This]

HAha I'm gonna add that one. Implement Extraterrestrial-Contact precautions.

[jmloyer]

Perhaps a more professional and patient centered approach to this would be to examine the evidence based research and evaluate the decision making process used to include the diagnosis on the official list. I understand all of your responses...yet I find them not in keeping with the primary goals of nursing or generally accepted notions of professionalism and respectful attitudes towards social, cultural and spiritual diversity...not to mention the apparent denial of the quickly broadening understanding of the human organism. Too bad for our patients.

[ImThatGuy, BSN, RN]

Yeah, that energy field crap is the most absurd and ridiculous mumbo jumbo nursing has touted to date.

[jmloyer]

Funny, that's exactly what was said about aseptic technique when it was first suggested that patients might benefit from sterile tools and clean operating rooms...it's really too bad that after all this time of redefining what we know and don't know that we can still be so arrogant and closed mined to the majesty of the human experience...not to mention the foundation of medical practice...evidence based practice. The research has been and continues to be done...the science is more conclusive every year that these modalities provide measurable benefit. You don't just have to read the data, you can start with whatever religious text you choose to call holy...