is it bad if i dont go to the christmas party tonight?

CHATSDALE · Dec 14, 2008

i have been to very few parties - usually the people that were there did not remember whether or not i was in attendance

pagandeva2000, LPN · Dec 14, 2008

I am really against attending parties sponsored by the job in outside locations. No matter how you slice it, most people are observing behavior to discuss the following day...who drank too much, who was flirtatious, how many times a person went to the buffet table, and various other infractions that really do impact on how we are treated at work.

My husband's director who is married with children started an affair with a clerk at our facility. They used to go to the same place where his subordinates associate off the job often. Well, one day, her husband came up there and floored him in front of EVERYONE in one punch! He told him that he is seperated from his wife, but they still live together due to economic reasons, but he repeatedly requested that this man does not come to the home to pick this woman up because it confused their children. Mr. Director didn't care and continued to come and even spend time when the spouse wasn't there. Now, of course, this went around like wildfire. EMS had to be called and the director begged them not to take him to our facility (which was only two blocks away) and they honored the request. However, he got mad at all of the subordinates that spread his business, so, he started changing people's shifts and harassing them. This arrogant man felt that because he is boss, they should have kept their mouths shut, but heck, this was off duty, no HIPPA laws were broken, and if he wanted things to be hush-hush, he should have met his lover in a more candestine location. Another situation where a nursing supervisor's husband had his eye on a very attractive CNA. It was obvious...we all can see it. Suddenly, this girl's assignments went from bad to worse, never approved her requests for time off, basic harassment. These, among other reasons are why I don't socialize with large groups of people from work. I really believe it leads to trouble. In my opinion, it is one thing if it is a ward party, or elsewhere on the grounds, like a cafeteria, empty floor, etc...but off the grounds...too much happens and too many regrets. Once people are coined a certain way...alcoholic, lecherous, flirtatous, greedy, attention getting...it is hard to shake it off. :spbox:...okay, I am off of the soapbox...OP, you are making the right choice. Stay home, rest and enjoy time with your friends and family.

pagandeva2000, LPN · Dec 14, 2008

As I sit and type this I should be getting ready for the Christmas Party at some fancy hotel. Just don't want to go and no amount of pressure from management was going to get me to go.
I know that I will have Hell to pay and have already been vindictively scheduled to work 16 hours on Monday (6A-midnight) because I said I am not interested in it. I was also told repeatedly that I should be grateful for the open bar and that it wasn't cancelled due to the economy. Finally, I told the NM that they should be grateful to me that I will be saving them money by choosing not to go.
Why would I want to incur an expense to spend the evening with people I despise (correction-90% I detest) because they find pure enjoyment in making other people miserable. I am sure they are not going to miss me or my husband and we will not be missing them.

You see what I mean?? Just because you chose not to attend, they opt to make you pay for it in spades?? How petty is that?? And, many of the people that attend these things are forced to so that they also don't endure getting picked on and that just isn't fair. I have seen managers threatened to purchase expensive tickets to attend these galas and many of them cannot afford it. Yes, most Christmas parties are free on the vicinity, but, to be forced to attend any event, especially forced to spend money you just don't have is an outrage to me!! And, many times, participants incurr even more expense, because you have to purchase an outfit, get your hair done, maybe pay a sitter, gas, and all of the other things you could have done without had you stayed home. I believe that the holidays (for those that celebrate them), are meant to be with those that you care dearly for, unless you have to work. Any other demand is injust. :down:

loricatus · Dec 14, 2008

You see what I mean?? Just because you chose not to attend, they opt to make you pay for it in spades?? How petty is that?? And, many of the people that attend these things are forced to so that they also don't endure getting picked on and that just isn't fair. I have seen managers threatened to purchase expensive tickets to attend these galas and many of them cannot afford it. Yes, most Christmas parties are free on the vicinity, but, to be forced to attend any event, especially forced to spend money you just don't have is an outrage to me!! And, many times, participants incurr even more expense, because you have to purchase an outfit, get your hair done, maybe pay a sitter, gas, and all of the other things you could have done without had you stayed home. I believe that the holidays (for those that celebrate them), are meant to be with those that you care dearly for, unless you have to work. Any other demand is injust.

I would rather the price by extra long shifts (more pay) and being labeled anti-social (already being said) than have that one night of torture and whatever label comes after that.

You are so right--I know three people who did not want to go that caved to the pressure. Hey, I am enjoying my personal Christmas party sitting by a fire, glass of wine, music, and some allnurses. By now, the rest are probably miserable or making others miserable and it started about an hour ago.

AZO49008 · Dec 14, 2008

I'm with everybody else on this: ditch the guilt and relax! :)

When I worked in the corporate world, I never went to the holiday parties. I spent anywhere between 40 and 50 hours a week with these people. Most of them I liked well enough, but not well enough to give up a quiet evening at home with my partner to spend even more time with them.

Another place I worked didn't leave it to just the holidays. There were company-sponsored hayrides at a ranch-themed resort, golf outings, etc. It was supposed to be about "team building" and getting to know your coworker outside of work.

I work with my co-workers, and I don't go to work to increase my circle of friends. In just about every job I've ever been in I have liked my fellow employees and they have liked me. But to me work is work and home is home and I rarely allow the two realms to overlap. Sometimes people just think I'm odd for feeling this way, but I guess I don't really care.

whipping girl in 07, RN · Dec 14, 2008

Why would I want to incur an expense to spend the evening with people I despise (correction-90% I detest) because they find pure enjoyment in making other people miserable. I am sure they are not going to miss me or my husband and we will not be missing them.

We must work at the same place...my PRN job anyway LOL!

I've never been to the unit Christmas party at PRN, used to be weekend option, job. I've been there for 5 years.

But I always go to my Christmas party at my full time job. We're a small group, like a little family, really, and we make sure we work around everyone's schedule so everyone can go. We always have a good time, even the year we had the b**chy co-worker that no one really liked and were just collecting incidents till she could be fired. It's Wednesday night...I can't wait.

So if you don't wanna go...don't go! Have fun with people you LIKE!

Euskadi1946 · Dec 14, 2008

I'm with you on this one too. I don't like to socialize with people I work with after hours either. At our place the nurses on the health care team get together for a nice pot luck and gift exchange Christmas Party in our conference room. We have a great time and it's all on company time which has been allotted to us for this.

texkid, RN · Dec 14, 2008

If you don't want to go then don't go. I don't go if some of "older" colleagues will be attending fearing that my "immaturity" will come out and they won't like it. But if its a group of my age range than i'll make an appearance and do a pint or so.

Eirene, ASN, RN · Dec 14, 2008

Don't go.

I am an alcoholic and will remain one for my entire life. I don't even want to be tempted-- way too much to lose. I didn't go to my facility's Christmas party with the open bar, either.

Sit back and enjoy your night; be proud of your decision.

medicrnohio, RN · Dec 14, 2008

There is nothing wrong with not going to a work holiday party, no matter what the reason. I skipped out on ours last week and chose to work instead. It was $50+ per person to go and I didn't have the money for that. I was told that it was for the open bar. I rarely drink and certainly wouldn't drink $50 in alcohol. Plus I don't really care to spend time with a bunch of people that I really don't like.

allnurses Guide · Dec 14, 2008

I definately would not go. I've just read your first post so far, but I'm a little amazed that you sound as if you feel like you HAVE to go. Lots of social pressure on your unit? I've worked on a unit like that before and I hated it.

pagandeva2000, LPN · Dec 14, 2008

Just an example of hospital gossip...remember in my earlier post, I mentioned that my husband's boss was knocked out by his lover's husband? Well, he attended a hospital party for med-surg last night (without his lover, who he is still ACTIVELY involved with), had many drinks and had a new cutie up against the wall for quite some time, from what they say. Maybe this one, after awhile, did not like what he was saying, so, she got away from him, but, then, he used his cell phone camera and started taking pictures of women's butts. Mind you, I got this call at 5:00am. People CAN'T WAIT to pass gossip along. Maybe some of the story is wrong (usually is), but once a person shows their face, then, anything that happens can be exaggerated. Not worth it, to me.