Back to work after a loss of pregnancy...

Specialties Ob/Gyn

Published

This is a really hard one to write. :crying2:

I found out last Friday that I was pregnant, and early yesterday AM I started bleeding, and almost as soon as it started I knew. I just knew that was it. Anyway...all is okay physically, and emotionally I suppose it is par for the course to be all over the place at this point. Been an extremely difficult couple days.

My question for you all is this: those of you who have had losses, how in the HECK do you handle going back to work after this? I'm not scheduled to work again 'til Friday and Saturday but I don't know that I'll be able to go back at that point. I know I can't stay out of work forever, and it won't be healthy to anyway, but I doubt this weekend will be the right time. Anyway....how do you make it? How do you handle seeing healthy moms, healthy babies, and the like? How the heck do you do it? Any tips, tricks, things to watch out for, any advice welcome.

This really sucks.

I would try to find someone to cover you for at least this weekend. You lost something special and need the time to heal. I wish you all the best during this time.

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Specializes in Nephrology, Cardiology, ER, ICU.

Agree with above poster - try to stay off this weekend.

I'm so sorry.

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Specializes in home health, dialysis, others.

I, too, am so sorry for your loss.

Did you tell everybody that you were pregnant? It will be hard, but you will find lots of support from your coworkers. I'm not sure about taking off it - depends how far along you were, and how emotional you are.

I had a 'blighted ovum' when I was trying to get pregnant almost 20 years ago. My period was 9 days late, but the tests were negative. When my period arrived it was quite ugly and crampy. I went back to work the next day, feeling sad and empty, but my coworkers were supportive.

You will get through this, and then you will try again. Don't try to be overly brave, let people help you.

Many hugs to you.

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Specializes in Maternal - Child Health.
I would try to find someone to cover you for at least this weekend. You lost something special and need the time to heal. I wish you all the best during this time.

I'm going to split hairs here. Please don't feel it necessary to find someone to cover your shifts. Please simply call out sick and let your managers handle staffing. You are legitimately in need of rest and not responsible for covering the unit. Let someone else take care of it while you take care of yourself and your family.

You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

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Specializes in OBGYN, Neonatal.

I also have no magic words and I know each loss is different and the experience is different. When we had our loss I was not in the field so it was different. I could not bear to be around pregnant people for a long time, even family and friends. It was a very emotional time for me.

What I can say is this, I've read your posts and I know how caring and loving of a nurse you are. That being said, take some time to care and love yourself. Take some additional days off just to give yourself some time. Also know that some situations may be harder to deal with than they were before (pts with poor or no pnc, patients who are indifferent, etc.) and know that you can grieve for as long as you need.

Love and hugs!

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Specializes in maternal child, public/community health.

Elvish,

I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a baby, even shortly after discovering you are pregnant, can be very difficult. Take care of yourself and give yourself time to grieve. Grief never totally goes away but it does get better.

I lost my baby in 1996.We were so excited to find out that we were pregnant after many years of infertility. (My son had just graduated from high school and my daughter was almost 11.) Within days, it was obvious there was a problem when I began bleeding which lead to many doctor's appointments, ultrasounds, etc. In the end, I had a ruptured ectopic pregnancy requiring an emergency laparotomy. It was very difficult. My friends and family were happy that I survived. They did not comprehend the depth of my grief. Physical healing took a while but the emotional healing took much longer. Find someone you can talk to who is supportive (and will not tell you to get over it, have another baby, etc.) I had one friend who had lost her baby at 16 weeks who understood and my husband actually grieved as much, if not more, than I did. We decided that baby was a boy (obviously, there was no way to be sure) and we named him Isaac. We did some things to honor him. I have an ornament on my Christmas tree in his honor (our daughter also chose to get an ornament which she still has - sibs grieve too). For his due date and other special occasions, I chose to make a donation of baby items to organizations that help moms in need.

Some people will not understand your grief and will say incredibly stupid things to you. My mother-in-law actually said. "You guys are too old to have more kids anyway" when my husband called them. That hurt my husband incredibly. But some people will be incredibly kind. I received cards from people which I put into a scrap book. One woman I knew from a community group, who had lost a baby, sent me a card on the one year anniversary of our loss. That was extremely touching - to know someone else recognized that we were still hurting.

How do you handle going back to work? If you can afford it, take at least a few days off. I was forced to because of the surgery. When I lost my son, I was teaching childbirth classes at the hospital where I had the surgery. It was difficult the first few weeks and I sometimes cried before and after class. With time, it did get easier.

Again, I am so sorry about the loss of your baby. I will be praying for you through these difficult days.

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Specializes in Community, OB, Nursery.

Thanks so much to all who posted here with words of support, encouragement, and advice. I did decide to take the weekend off, since the thought of going back to see mothers and babies together three days after losing mine was just too much to bear. Fortunately, I have very understanding coworkers who not only didn't give me any grief about it, actually encouraged me to take off. A few who have lost babies have (along with those of you here) warned me about how hard it is, so I am expecting it to bite hard (though probably won't realize til it actually happens exactly how hard). So regardless, going back is going to be difficult, I realize that.

Thanks again to you all for your kind words. :redbeathe

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Elvish,

I am very sorry for your loss. Just wanted to share. You are not alone. I went through four losses in a row. I had a sister pregnant just a week apart from me on the first one and countless other friends whose pregnancies came and went without incident while I went through first a miscarriage and then infertility and then three ectopics. Every emotion a person could experience I did, during that process, and a lot of them made me feel quite guilty especially the jealousy. Hopefully, you won't beat yourself up over such things-it's all normal and probably better to feel than not to although the emotional journey I took has definitely involved times of numbness. Basically you can't fight grief-you're going to feel what you're going to feel but on your own timetable. Don't be surprised when feelings you thought you had gotten past jump back out in front and surprise you. Here I am four years past these events and still processing, still finding myself jealous sometimes of those who have never been through any of this. There will be an end to the intense pain you are feeling although I'm not sure the processing ever does end. And for me part of coming out on the other side of all that grief was finally having a successful pregnancy. The joy of that really did outweigh the sadness; and the things I went through made my new blessing that much richer. You will be there too and I am truly sorry for what you are going through now.

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I don't have an answer for you. But I wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss! My thoughts are with you!

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Specializes in OB-Gyn/Primary Care/Ambulatory Leadership.

I'm so sorry.

I went through a similar situation a few years ago. In 2007, we were TTC and got pregnant right away. Everyone at work knew. At 11 weeks, I learned that the baby had stopped developing about a month before. I had a D&C and took a week off work. THe first day back, the first coworker I saw said "How are you doing? I"m so sorry for your loss" and I ended up running back to the bathroom, crying. I ended up going home (they needed to send someone home anyway d/t low census). I told a close coworker to please spread the word to everyone to NOT ask me how I was doing, or say they were sorry, or basically say anything about the miscarriage, because I was too emotionally fragile to deal with it. That helped a lot. It prevented me from bursting into tears every time somebody asked, or tried to offer kind words. I do remember one nurse just walking past me and giving me a squeeze on my shoulder. I think I will always remember that, because she acknowledged my loss without forcing me to say or do anything.

I couldn't handle seeing the triage bed I was in for a few months. I took a leave from working L&D, and just did postpartum for several months.

Honestly, the thing that healed me for good was getting pregnant again, which I did six months after the miscarriage.

My thoughts are with you.

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Hope you are doing better and I'm so sorry you are going through this. I am not a nurse, but have had multiple miscarriages before having a successful pregnancy. I remember not being able to handle pregnant moms or birthing stories, but I didn't mind seeing moms who had already had their babies. I also talked about it a lot with friends/family. I couldn't believe how much that helped especially when talking to friends who had dealt w/ losses before. Of course, everyone is different. Big hugs to you through this time.

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Specializes in maternal child, public/community health.

Elvish,

Just wanted you to know that I am still thinking about you and praying for you. I remember feeling as if the whole world was going on by with no idea of the pain of the loss we experienced. I want you to know that there are those who still are thinking of you. Don't know if you have been back to work yet but I am praying that you will make it through those difficult first weeks.

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