At my wits end...

Published

I do home health and the client that I visited today is very challenging. He is a quadriplegic who is very demanding about the order in which his care is rendered. Goodness forbid I turn wash his arm before I do his back (just one example of his ways). He has been through practically every aide that is available and now there only a handful who can do his care. He has kicked aide out of his home and has been talked to several times by the office...to no avail.

Today while bathing him, he demanded so many things at one time, that I had to say to him that I cannot think while he is yelling at me and telling me that I NEED to grab this or that. I said it very politely but firmly. After I told him that, he then became silent and would not talk to me. We played this game for a good 45 minutes but I held my ground and continued to do his care.

I understand that some quadriplegics have a need to control every thing. I am frustrated because we have gone through this same song and dance and I am worn out. This is just one example of things that a lot of aides have dealt with. When is enough, enough?

:idea:

Ideas please.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

When people get like that I interrupt them right away and say "STOP! (short period of silence) I'm happy to do all of the cares that you have requested, but guess what, I'm not Superman and I can't do all of them at once. God only gave me two arms and two hands and both of them are busy at the moment. You need to be patient with me. We will get around to each of these tasks, but I won't be doing them all at once. We will do one at a time. Let's start with XXXXX and when we're finished, we'll move on to XXXXX."

Does he have a pretty consistent routine and preference for order of cares? For instance, does he always prefer his back to be washed before his arms? If it's not a lot of trouble, not time consuming, and not putting him in any danger, I would just go along with it as long as it made him happy. That is, if there's any discernible "method to his madness."

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in LTC.

We have someone like that at my facility, only she is able bodied. I have 7 other residents besides her, and my partner has 8, and everyone is totally incontinent and assist x 2. So no one has time to put up with her bull. It takes an hour to get her dressed in the morning. Plus 10 minutes to set up each meal tray for her, 40 minutes of ambulation, and countless minutes lost answering her call bell listening to her demands and accusations. The nurse is in there forever giving her the meds too- same situation. She pretends she can't see/hear/walk/etc until she thinks no one is looking and then you will catch her doing these things just fine. I have tried every approach and she's still mean and controlling. If you go along with it, pretend not to understand her insults and do everything the way she wants it, she'll start accusing you of not doing it. You end up putting lotion on her legs 3x because she insists you didn't do it. Or she finds other ways to make your life miserable. She also thinks it's okay to slap us and make up lies. No one can stand her.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
We have someone like that at my facility, only she is able bodied. I have 7 other residents besides her, and my partner has 8, and everyone is totally incontinent and assist x 2. So no one has time to put up with her bull. It takes an hour to get her dressed in the morning. Plus 10 minutes to set up each meal tray for her, 40 minutes of ambulation, and countless minutes lost answering her call bell listening to her demands and accusations. The nurse is in there forever giving her the meds too- same situation. She pretends she can't see/hear/walk/etc until she thinks no one is looking and then you will catch her doing these things just fine. I have tried every approach and she's still mean and controlling. If you go along with it, pretend not to understand her insults and do everything the way she wants it, she'll start accusing you of not doing it. You end up putting lotion on her legs 3x because she insists you didn't do it. Or she finds other ways to make your life miserable. She also thinks it's okay to slap us and make up lies. No one can stand her.

:down: to residents who are mean and manipulative. :rolleyes:

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Med-Surg/urology.

And I thought I had it bad!! Is it possible for you to get off of this person's case? I dont think there's enough money in the world to put up with that type of behavior :rolleyes:

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Enough is when he calls the agency and tells them not to send you anymore. Then the agency treats you as if it is your fault.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I had a client like that. I eventually gave up on him after at least 2 years of trying to manage his demands. Sometimes they are just stuck in a place where they are stir crazy and they cant stop. Challenge him to make sense. There is a nurse who deals with him better on another shift. Go and orientate with her to see how she handles him. If not, ask him to list the steps of his care and follow it. The only way to deal with a control freak is to either take control from them or to let them have it.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in 10.

Poi, stay firm with him and ask him to be patient with you.

I had a lady who was very manipulating. She is 500 plus pounds and can do most things for herself. She doesn't want to. He even h the nerve to ask to wipe her behind, she can do it herself. She made snide, rude remarks, and was just a nasty person.

She can not keep a aide for the life of her. I worked the case 1 time and left. I will not be abused at a job that I really don 't need. Go to the case , be professional, and don't take any crap. Keep us posted.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
We have someone like that at my facility, only she is able bodied. I have 7 other residents besides her, and my partner has 8, and everyone is totally incontinent and assist x 2. So no one has time to put up with her bull. It takes an hour to get her dressed in the morning. Plus 10 minutes to set up each meal tray for her, 40 minutes of ambulation, and countless minutes lost answering her call bell listening to her demands and accusations. The nurse is in there forever giving her the meds too- same situation. She pretends she can't see/hear/walk/etc until she thinks no one is looking and then you will catch her doing these things just fine. I have tried every approach and she's still mean and controlling. If you go along with it, pretend not to understand her insults and do everything the way she wants it, she'll start accusing you of not doing it. You end up putting lotion on her legs 3x because she insists you didn't do it. Or she finds other ways to make your life miserable. She also thinks it's okay to slap us and make up lies. No one can stand her.

Send her to psych.

I promise you, they won't put up with her crap there.

:)

Seriously, though, as long as everyone knows what a pest this woman is, then at least everyone knows not to take her accusations and complaints seriously.

I have only one suggestion: never let them see you sweat. These folks loooooooooooooooove to feed off your aggravation and distress. They often lose the thrill if you don't feed the monster.

Ahhhhh... nothing better than a personality disorder blended with a little dementia and just a dollop of b**** on top!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
i do home health and the client that i visited today is very challenging. he is a quadriplegic who is very demanding about the order in which his care is rendered.

ideas please.

when people get like that i interrupt them right away and say "stop! (short period of silence) i'm happy to do all of the cares that you have requested, but guess what, i'm not superman and i can't do all of them at once. god only gave me two arms and two hands and both of them are busy at the moment.

i know this is an old thread, but the last sentence above might not be the best choice of words to use for the patient in the op. just sayin'.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Hi Poi Dog,

I know this is an older post, but I have learned to keep my agency informed about my clients. I usually send an email to my care coordinator, it helps to have a paper trail. i have gone in to meet with her regarding one difficult client.

So far I haven't requested to be taken off a case, mostly because competition is fierce here and I want to keep getting cases. Plus, the old adage don't quit a job without a job, lol.

I hope things resolved with this client of yours.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Hi Poi Dog,

I know this is an older post, but I have learned to keep my agency informed about my clients. I usually send an email to my care coordinator, it helps to have a paper trail. i have gone in to meet with her regarding one difficult client.

So far I haven't requested to be taken off a case, mostly because competition is fierce here and I want to keep getting cases. Plus, the old adage don't quit a job without a job, lol.

I hope things resolved with this client of yours.

I had to think about this post and then I remembered who I was referring to. Yes, the situation got better.

Thanks!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion