Assertive versus Bullying

Nurses Relations

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Lately, I feel like our managers are getting close to fudging the line between being assertive and being bullies. I understand that they are under pressure to provide a group of nurses for the shared governance committees, and many of our staff have just said no.

The other day one said something to the effect of "if you aren't interested in pursuing additional professional education and participating in development, then you might as well give up your license... after all you basically pledged to do this when you took your nursing oath."

What?!? Being a compassionate bedside nurse and following up on licensing requirements isn't enough? Now I must glow like the lantern?

It makes you wonder... what is their goal?

When I was in nursing school I remember seeing pictures of ER nurses in big cities that were allowed to have blue hair and tattoos showing. Not that I want to have blue hair... and none of my tattoos show... but I thought I was sort of entering a field that allowed a little bit of individuality. As long as you did the job and did it correctly and compassionately... and made a connection with the patients...

Right now the most favored nurses in our unit are former cheerleaders between 26 and 32 who will write whatever the boss asks them to write... say whatever the boss wants them to say... and then when the boss isn't looking break the rules they don't regard... the main one being not having your cell phone on the floor. The expectation is you will leave it in your locker. Yet, they hide in the back room to chart and regularly have the phone out texting away.

But my original thoughts were about being coerced into joining committees... you know pulled into the office and put on the spot to submit an application? How do you say no when you still have no idea what the review process is like? I got a taste of it one day when a manager pulled me into discuss a break issue and suddenly is digressing to discussing my flaws as reported by barely familiar coworkers? Really?

Then the cracks start to show... because they now realize you may not play every game their way? Just because I was coerced onto the committee, doesn't mean I will participate in a way that doesn't meet my own personal idea of integrity. You did like that I used the word integrity in my application, right Mr Manager? I don't just say it.. I try to live it.

Maybe any one not in the former cheer camp will not play along? Bullied? Yea... well.. I will just keeping watching the job positings. It doesn't matter how good the pay if the enviroment is threatening. I don't know about you... but varsity cheerleaders at my high school could sometimes be mean girls.

Specializes in nursing education.

I would like to be on the shared governance committee, but we don't get offered those opportunities.

Just saying, the grass is probably always greener elsewhere.

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.

One of the biggest buzzwords these days is "bully", and it is often applied where it has no business being applied. The original post is one of those places.

Serving on committees is one way to demonstrate your professionalism and your committment to your job. If you're unwilling to serve on a committee, you probably won't get fired (or bullied) but you'll also be passed over for promotions, special projects and other perks. That's not bullying; that's just good management.

You might not like cheerleaders (I never was one, so I have no dog in that fight), but they've mastered unit politics. Your life will be a whole lot easier if you get a better handle on the politics of the job.

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Specializes in Stepdown . Telemetry.

The comment by the manager sounds condescending and a bit rude, which is a form of bullying!!

Sorry to be argumentative but It is frustrating to read a post where someone expresses that they feel like they were bullied, and gets responses like: "no that is not bullying". Is there some bully dictionary out there you are referencing? If not then it is far fetched so say: no that is NOT bullying...

Communication is so interpretive, and when an authority figure speaks to staff they need to be mindful of their word choices, tone, and the implications of their comments.

I think the manager tried to say that committees are an important part of furthering the profession, and that staff members should consider joining, but instead communicated that NOT joining means that you must not care enough about the profession, and you should give up your license.

Someone said, "that is not bullying, just bad management." huh?

Covert bullying is by definition, subtle and hard to spot in black and white terms. If the OP felt bullied, then it is more likely than not that some form of bullying occurred.

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.

Covert bullying is by definition, subtle and hard to spot in black and white terms. If the OP felt bullied, then it is more likely than not that some form of bullying occurred.

Respectfully, I disagree. The fact that the OP felt bullied may mean that she was bullied, but it is far more likely to mean that she needs to develop a thicker skin, that she needs to realize that everything isn't about her, that she needs to develop a firmer understanding of the word "bully." To suggest that if someone "feels bullied, they have been" trivializes real bullying.

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Respectfully, I disagree. The fact that the OP felt bullied may mean that she was bullied, but it is far more likely to mean that she needs to develop a thicker skin, that she needs to realize that everything isn't about her, that she needs to develop a firmer understanding of the word "bully." To suggest that if someone "feels bullied, they have been" trivializes real bullying.

WOW! I am floored here. I have a thicker skin than you can imagine. I am practically a reptile, unlesss caught completely off guard... then I am a wee rabbit offering up my carotid and pleading for death.

I sense that Ruby Vee has herself been labeled a bully(?) by those she manages? She is transferring her anger on to me and everyone else. Not to get personal ma'am, but you did when you said I needed thicker skin. That remark directly insults my coping skills. Ah, women manging women at it's finest.

The point is that we should not be made to feel uneasy in our jobs when we are successfully following standards and protocols. It is not my fault the managers are expected to deliver multiple candidates for committees... yet cannot because they have not actually "managed" their resources properly... what is a manager without support from staff? I won't say a lame duck... but you might.

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Specializes in Stepdown . Telemetry.

LOL I was basically going to say the same things you just said Sun Dazed...

Please clarify Ruby Vee: from what the OP wrote, you were able to conclude that she is overly sensitive, self-centered, and uninformed about what bullying is? Unfortunately there is nothing to support these judgements!

Personally I am perfectly fine admitting to the fact that my "skin" is paper thin in the face of the nurse bully, bc it is something i continually work on.

Therefore I was utterly confused by your attack on the OP's character, bc her post was not about emotional distress at all. I was actually impressed from the start by her thick skin, as to call it.

So...In pursuit of developing my own thicker skin, i have read just about every piece of literature on bullying in nursing, and have a vast understanding of the research and positions of the IOM, AACN, ANA, and other published sources on the subject...

From your posts ruby, I am guessing you probably have not been compelled to do more than skim the topic. Unfortunately your "opinion" doesn't match up to the literature at all...and it it is clear that the OP was smart enough to learn as well, as she did correctly identify nurse bullying in her own situation.

Please do some reading before you attack, bc you just displayed nurse bullying yourself...it's called lateral violence or nurse to nurse hostility :) :) cyberbullying is just another route :)

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I sense that Ruby Vee has herself been labeled a bully(?) by those she manages? She is transferring her anger on to me and everyone else. Not to get personal ma'am, but you did when you said I needed thicker skin. That remark directly insults my coping skills. Ah, women manging women at it's finest.

Neither a nurse manager nor female, and I have to agree with Ruby Vee's post. Please reread the following section of Ruby Vee's post.

...The fact that the OP felt bullied may mean that she was bullied, but it is far more likely to mean that she needs to develop a thicker skin...

She acknowledged the fact that you might have been bullied. And the suggestion that you might need thicker skin is one that could be applied to most, if not all nurses.

Please clarify Ruby Vee: from what the OP wrote, you were able to conclude that she is overly sensitive, self-centered, and uninformed about what bullying is? Unfortunately there is nothing to support these judgements!

No. Based upon the situation that the OP explained, she stated that she didn't believe that it was bullying. Please reread the rest of this post.

One of the biggest buzzwords these days is "bully", and it is often applied where it has no business being applied. The original post is one of those places.

Also, Ruby Vee wasn't the only one to suggest that this wasn't bullying.

I'm not seeing where the bullying is here. Uncomfortable and not liking your coworkers and management is not being bullied.

Therefore I was utterly confused by your attack on the OP's character...

Please show me where you find a personal attack in any of Ruby Vee's posts. However, speaking of personal attacks:

From your posts ruby, I am guessing you probably have not been compelled to do more than skim the topic. Unfortunately your "opinion" doesn't match up to the literature at all...and it it is clear that the OP was smart enough to learn as well, as she did correctly identify nurse bullying in her own situation.

So...In pursuit of developing my own thicker skin, i have read just about every piece of literature on bullying in nursing, and have a vast understanding of the research and positions of the IOM, AACN, ANA, and other published sources on the subject...

Since you are so widely read, please provide us with the current definition of bullying, properly sourced of course.

...The fact that the OP felt bullied may mean that she was bullied, but it is far more likely to mean that she needs to develop a thicker skin...To suggest that if someone "feels bullied, they have been" trivializes real bullying.

I think that this is the most important comment in this thread, and I couldn't agree more.

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"Lateral Violence and Bullying in NursingLateral violence refers to acts between colleagues and bullying is often described as acts perpetrated by one in a higher level of authority. This behavior may involve covert or overt acts of verbal and non-verbal aggression. These types of behavior have been reported to result in enough psychological distress to nurses to cause them to leave the profession (Dellasega, 2009)"

from: Bullying and Workplace Violence

"Workplace bullying is typically viewed as a manifestation of workplace violence.[5]By nature, bullying is the repeated, unreasonable actions of individuals (or groups) directed toward an employee (or a group of employees), intended to intimidate, and by doing so, create a risk to the health and safety of the employee(s).[6] Bullying usually involves a "power gradient," with the bully in a position of power (actual or perceived) compared with the victim.[7] Bullying, then, often involves an abuse or misuse of this power. Bullying includes behavior that intimidates, degrades, offends, or humiliates a worker -- often in front of others. Bullying behavior makes the victim feel defenseless and robs the nurse of the right to dignity at work."

from: http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/729474_1

I have reread my own post. I was questioning whether the bosses were bulllying. I do think they took advantage of their power position to coerce me into applying for a committee. So that is bullying? Is it the beginning of a trend? I was obviously distressed about it because I posted on allnurses. To look back at all of my postings you would not see daily rankles and rantings about coworkers posted on this website by me.

I would not say that any of the bosses plan mean things to do to me or anyone else on a daily or weekly basis. I would say that it is a sad beginning to our employment relationship if the bosses use intimidation as the ace up their collective sleeve. Recognizing their tactics early may better prepare me to stand up for myself in the future. Is that what ya'll mean by thicker skin? I wouldn't call that thicker skin. Thicker skin is being able to take personal criticism, helpful or otherwise.

I would call saying no to the boss who uses intimidation, standing up for myself or empowerment. With a same level coworker it is more obvious they only have power if you allow them to have it. When it is your boss? They have real power and authority, so it is a bit awkward. They can use performance reviews to retaliate. Maybe they only keep track of of your bad days and not your good.. maybe they only keep track of negative remarks about you and nothing good. It is out of my hands on so many levels.

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There now, that's better. First step to growing thicker skin is becoming comfortable in it. :)

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Specializes in Stepdown . Telemetry.

This is from the Position Statement by the ANA and the CENTER for American Nurses, 2007:

Verbal abuse is a type of bullying behavior defined as "any communication a nurse perceives to be a harsh, condemnatory attack upon herself or himself professionally or personally” (1991a, p. 32).

Bullying is “offensive abusive, intimidating, malicious or insulting behaviour, or abuse of power, which makes the recipient feel threatened, humiliated or vulnerable.

Statement of Position on Bullying:

Lateral violence and bullying has been extensively reported and documented among healthcare professionals, with serious negative outcomes for registered nurses, their patients and health care employers.

It is the position of the CENTER for American Nurses (The CENTER) that there is no place in a professional practice environment for lateral violence and bullying.

Nurses, individually and collectively, must enhance their knowledge and skills in managing conflict and promote work place policies to eliminate bullying and lateral violence.

http://www.mc.vanderbilt.edu/root/pdfs/nursing/center_lateral_violence_and_bullying_position_statement_from_center_for_american_nurses.pdf

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There now, that's better. First step to growing thicker skin is becoming comfortable in it. :)

I just want to be clear: I don't think thicker skin has anything to do with your boss using intimidation to make you do things. Nothing that makes you want to have HR and/or a union rep on speed dial has anything to do with thicker skin. That's like saying hazing is required to be tolerated as a means of fully absorbing unit culture. :wideyed:

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Specializes in Stepdown . Telemetry.

As the position paper describes, the terms are not based on the interaction itself, but rather, a behavior is considered bullying as it is perceived by the recipient.

This is the reason for my comment that if the OP felt she may have been bullied, it is likely that some form of bullying occurred.

This is in direct contrast to Ruby Vee's statement that it may have been bullying, but it is it is far more likely that the OP needed a thicker skin.

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