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Are your friendships suffering?

Posted

I was just wondering if this was happening to anyone else. I have a best friend who is not such a good friend anymore...we never have time to talk and I find myself kind of bored when I'm around her (maybe b/c I'm used to such a fast paced schedule). She complains about how hard her life is (works 2 days a week at a salon) and has a small baby. I have a 10 month old and go to school full time, and work part time. I guess it is just annoying to hear complaining about a 12 hour work week when I am so much more overcommitted, and I almost feel a little jealous at the same time that she has other friends now, even thought they aren't the type that would interest me. So, honestly, besides NIC and NOC, I have no extracurricular friends right now. And actually its okay with me. I would prefer to spend time with my husband or daughter. I'm just wondering if anyone else has had this happen their first semester of nursing school.

akcarmean, LPN

Specializes in Home Health Care,LTC.

I can't say it happened during my first semester of school. But I recently helped my best friend of 20 yrs. leave her husband and start out on her own. She was also just recently dx. with MS. I did so much for her cared for her and her 2 kids took them in when they had no place to go. etc. etc. Then her husband starts talking to her and they got back together. B/c of the MS she has some memory loss and can't remember how things actually went during those months when she was real bad and couldn't get the right medication and during the months that they couldn't find out what was wrong. Now she has turned against me b/c her abusive husband has feed her lies about me and she doesn't want to jeopardize her marriage. In our 20 yrs of friendship I have never lied to her that is just not me and she knows that but she is believing what he says. It has torn our two families apart. Her kids were like my kids now I don't get to see them. It is very tragic. I am trying to work this out in my life but it is hard. I just keep hoping that one day she will realize what is going on and want to continue our friendship. Well sorry to rattle on. Just needed to get it out hubby doesn't want to discuss it. The best of luck to you.

Angelia

wonderbee, BSN, RN

Specializes in critical care; community health; psych.

I've noticed that I've changed toward my relationships. During second semester, I've become more focused on the increasingly complex academic and performance aspects of school. During first semester, I know I was less serious and more sociable. Also, my very closest nursing school friends dropped out. It has made school a more solitary experience but really, I'm ok with it.

Because on graduation I plan on picking up stakes and moving up north, am focused on family matters and have a singular goal of graduating from school and getting settled in my new home, in a way I think I'm already saying my goodbyes.

Imafloat, BSN, RN

Has 13 years experience.

My friendships outside of school have not suffered. My friendships in school are starting to feel the strain. Some of my friends are so competetive it is driving me nuts. A couple of girls value their worth by their report cards and that is all they care about. I have four kids, a job, a husband, and I am commited to volunteer work at my church. I can't take school as all or nothing I have a pretty full life. School will pass and so will my kids' lives. I would hate for my kids to feel like they were second place to my school. I don't want to appear as a slacker, I do great at school, I just finished the quarter with all A's. My A's probably weren't the highest A's in the class, but that doesn't matter to me! I take school seriously, but if my kids have a concert the night before a big test I will choose the concert over studying. I will probably have to study a little extra in the days leading to the concert, but I will do whatever it takes.

loriangel14, RN

Specializes in Acute Care, Rehab, Palliative.

I can identify with the OP. My outside relationships have gone the same changes. I have a friend that unintentionally belittles what I am doing because I am going part time nights she doesn't think of it as "real school". Never mind that I am a single mom with two jobs as well.If I say I am busy she says "I know what you mean, tomorrow I have to have lunch with so-and-so and then in the evening I have to have dinner with so-and-so". If I tell her I can't talk on the phone too late because I have to get up early she says"oh yeah, me too, I have to be up by 9:30 at least" Meanwhile I'm getting up at 5:30! Ironically my friend used to be a nurse but she went right out of high school and doesn't work as one any more.( she's 44) I find it hard to focus very much on anything but school right now. Most of my friends now are the girls that I go to school with. They are a great bunch and we are all very supportive of one another. I am sad that some friendships are not getting as much attention as they used to but I can't afford to let my school work slip. Anyone that is a true friend will understand this I hope.

shel_wny

Specializes in Critical Care / Psychiatry. Has 8 years experience.

More shallow friendships have faded away but one very deep one has taken its place.

Nursing school makes me closer to my study buddy and new friend.

Other friends I had before nursing school don't quite understand what I'm going through and why I can't party every Friday and Saturday or make it to that concert.

I love concerts more than anything else but right now even if I have the time, I find it hard to enjoy myself when I've got so much to do yet and all sorts of things on the backburner.

Shel

All_Smiles_RN

Specializes in Cardiology.

I think about this often myself. I feel like I neglect my best friend. She calls to talk to me and I don't have time. Have to get the baby bathed, do clinical prep work, study for the test, and the list goes on. Thankfully she is really cool about it and knows I can spend an hour gabbing on the phone on the weekend. Hey, I have some free time right now. I'm going to give her a call. :)

...Jennifer...

I'm still doing my prerequisites but and I feel as though I have friendships suffering. I want good grades and my friends don't really try hard or study much so they do not understand why I need to take so much time to study. My boyfriend even gets mad at me for studying.

I have lost touch with a dear friend. It seems my life revolves around school, and she sooooo very desperatly wants to go, so there is a whole subject that we can't talk about.....Plus, she recently had her third kid, and as I have none, we really don't have a darn thing to talk about.

However, I convinced a friend of mine that I was taking pre-reqs with to go to the same school as me (she was gonna wait another year) and we have become the closest I ever thought friends could get. She is the type of person I can talk to about anything, anything at all. (including if she's making me nuts) I have never had such a great friend. She has three kids too, but we are so alike in so many ways. Any life's change is gonna change everything about your life.

I have recently realized who my friends are since i've had to cut back on my socializing. I've recently decided to let a once-close best friend go. She is one of those people that snwflknurse described.... has a child who is 2 1/2 yrs old and has no job, and complains that she can't even pick up the phone AT ALL. She says she feels guilty if she spends time on herself. She has never even used a babysitter, and will rarely take offers from family to watch her kid, oh and she still breast feeds so she can't be away at bed time, since she has to nurse her back to sleep. So, I've let her go, it was too painful to be let down all the time.

I have many moms in my classes, and you guys blow my mind, don't even look tired or stressed out. Superwomen in my eyes.

I still have a few friends left, and that's fine becuase they are amazingly supportive, especially when I need to let loose and temporarily forget about my stress.

NewEnglandRN, RN

Specializes in Med-Surg, Psych. Has 4 years experience.

It has been hard for me to keep in touch with my friends outside of school. I do feel as though all my time is used studying, preparing for, or in school! Fortunately my girlfriends understand and have been very supportive. I always take a minute to send them emails to let them know I am thinking about them. It is too timeconsuming spending time gabbing on the phone.

I have many new friends from school that I will call for school things, but have not achieved that level of calling just to chat. School always seems to come up!

If only my husband could understand the demands of school and try to work on our relationship :o

For some reason I've lost patience with people who aren't in nursing because they just don't get it. I resent them in a way, because even though I know what I'm doing will be worth it later, I hate to know that they sleep in until 11 every day and only go to class for a couple of hours and have no studying or homework to do and yet they complain about being sooooo tired.:angryfire

Oh well. They are majoring in pretty worthless stuff, and taking forever to do it. We'll all get out what we put in sooner or later.

I

EarthChild1130

Specializes in Psychiatric. Has 9 years experience.

I have had the same best friend since I was 9, and we still chat on the phone weekly since she lives in another state, but we don't really have that much in common anymore...and it started way before nursing school...while she and all my other friends were starting families, I was having a hysterectomy and no children at age 23, and while I'm perfectly fine with that, there are moments when my friend calls to tell me what Little Johnny did (first step, first word, whatever), and I simply can't relate to it...and I really don't like that all my friends want to either pity me for this or else they want to press the adoption issue into the ground when my husband and I are perfectly fine with the way things are now...so we don't have much in common with friends who have progressed from couples to 'families'...O well...didn't mean to get off on a tangent there! lol

I used to have quite a few friends before I started Nursing School. Now all I seem to have left is my bestfriend. We have become closer because we are both going into the nursing field. She will graduate LVN on 12/16. I wont graduate until 5/06. However we often call each other to complain school, share an experience, or ask help with an assignment. I am glad we are still friends. I don't know what I would do without her...

live4today, RN

Specializes in Community Health Nurse.

i move around too much to establish long term friendships. i still have a sister/friend relationship with a few people, but that's it, and they are all long distance friends. i don't usually make close friendships with people i work with (for good reasons). :)

Tweety, BSN, RN

Specializes in Med-Surg, Trauma, Ortho, Neuro, Cardiac. Has 28 years experience.

When I was in school, I sometimes would go out for coffee after my Friday night shift at midnight, and that was my only social outlet. It was a lonely and isolating time working and going to school and yes my friendships did suffer, mainly because I didn't have time to enjoy their company.

Life is stressful for everyone, and while your life may indeed be more stressful, a friend listens without judgement and validates the feelings. But as you said this "friend" isn't a good friend at all.

When we're busy nursing student's we sometimes put a chip on our shoulder that no one could possible have more busy and stressful lives than us. Mothers in particular are good at that. When I complained to my fellow nursing students about being tired I always got "well at least you don't have children". Some lives indeed are more stressful than others, but we all deserve to be listened to.

If this friendship isn't serving your soul let it go. :)

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