Are there ever days you HATE being a nurse?

[AngelfireRN]

Just wondering if anyone else gets as frustrated as I do. Case in point: my mother's best friend had a massive stroke a few days back. She would up having an intraventricular bleed (neuro guys, feel free to jump in here), and the ER doc pretty well said she would not live.

I have been a nurse long enough to get hardened to the fact that some people do not make it, and in the case of this poor lady, given the damage and possible outcome, it may be for the best.

What irritates me to no end it the constant barrage of questions from the family and my Mama.

"She did this, what does that mean?" "Does that mean she's better?"

I have tried to explain to them about reflexive actions, as the doc has said that there is very little brain activity. It's like talking to a post.

"But she talked, and she moved the hand that they said was paralyzed!!!!"

My Mama is driving me nuts with all the, "OK with this, what are the percentages? When I did this, she did this, what does that mean?" I can not make her understand that this is a patient, not a textbook. I also can not make her understand that I am not a neuro nurse, my strong point is psych. If the woman had had a nervous breakdown, I'm your gal.

All the family converged around me tonight, talking about how that they had given her water, even though the nurses said not to, and that she wanted a soda, and how mean it was that the nurse made them leave. Tried to explain about aspiration, was met with this stony "Oh, you're one of THEM" looks. They asked if all the mumbling and moving meant she was better, and I don't know what to tell them. They refuse to accept it when I say that she will likely pass from this, but if I was to tell them, "Oh, yes, she will be fine now", and she dies, there I am. Mama said i should just tell them what they want to hear, but I don't believe that candy-coating anything will be beneficial. I did not do it with my family when my Grandmother was ill and dying, and I see no reason to start.

Am I a bad person? Or do y'all deal with this, too? Just curious. Thanks.

[AngelfireRN, MSN, RN, APRN]

Thank you. Nice to know I'm not the only one.

[Nicky30, BSN, RN]

I would like you to know that I agree, I don't see the need to sugar coat things either.

I would say that you should keep up with the fact that you are a psych nurse not a neuro nurse. I am hoping that they will get the hint.

I would do the same in your position.

Nicky.

[lil' girl, LPN]

NEVER, however there are many days I wish I was not at work!

[ertravelrn]

There are lots of times I wish no one knew I was a nurse. Especially my Mother. I don't mind answering her questions, but she gets friends on three way and asks me questions for them.

As far as an illness like you speak of.......my nephew was in a coma and I was the goto girl with questions....all I could do was go to the Dr's. I was too close to the situation to be a nurse at that time. It is very difficult when something like this happens to someone close to you.

Good luck......and no you're not a B on wheels..

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

You're definately not the only one. I have "those days" from time to time as well.

[fmrnicumom]

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom's friend. I can understand why they're looking for signs things will be okay in every little thing she does. People handle tough situations differently. I wish there was something I could say to ease your stress. I imagine it must be difficult, knowing what you do and trying to be gentle but hoping to explain things so they will understand. I know it can be hard to explain to patients and their families but I'm sure it's even harder given that this is your family and friends. Hang in there.

Tiffany

[MzMouse]

I have those days too. I certainly have days where I wonder why I work at my particular position.

[al7139, ASN, RN]

Angelfire,

I totally understand how you feel. I am very proud of the fact that I am a nurse. I love what I do, and wouldn't do anything else.

BUT there are days when I wish that nobody else outside of the hospital knew. At work, I deal with pts and family every day that are sick, have denial, are difficult to the point that I want to run screaming out of the unit, but they are my patients, they are in my care, and no matter how frustrating they are, it is my job to be there for them, and do the best I can to help them.

The people I know outside of work (including my family), and people I meet seem to think that I am a medical expert, and will ask me about their health problems, show me things I really don't want to see, and think that because I am a nurse I have all the answers, and expect me to solve or cure their conditions. I really hate this. My standard answer is usually "I'm not a doctor, you need to go see yours." I even told this to my fiancee once, when he woke up with severe pain in his great toe (I suspected Gout, but as a nurse refused to make the diagnosis (not in my scope of practice), and wanted me to fix it. He still thinks it's funny, but I take being a nurse seriously, and will never ever give medical advice, except to say that if you felt the need to ask me about it, you need to see a doctor. He did go see an MD, and yes, I was right, but even if I had told him the diagnosis, I couldn't do anything about it.

As far as your mom's friend, you are in a difficult situation. The real problem is that they are in denial (neuro cases can be really hard, because of the fact that they can appear to be doing OK, even when they are on death's door), and cannot yet accept the inevitable.

If I were in your shoes, I would be honest with them, and continue to be firm with them about your knowledge, and that they should be discussing her condition with her doctors and nurses, not you. Obviously you should also continue to be a support to your mom.

Perhaps you could quietly speak to one of the patients doctors or nurses to recommend family counseling from the hospitals grief counselors or palliative care staff if its available. This type of counseling does not have to wait until the patient dies if the family is having difficulty seeing the reality of the situation.

I don't hate being a nurse, I just sometimes hate that other people know I am a nurse.

I'm sorry about your mom's friend. It is hard to lose someone close to you.

Amy

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

angelfire,

as far as your mom's friend, you are in a difficult situation. the real problem is that they are in denial (neuro cases can be really hard, because of the fact that they can appear to be doing ok, even when they are on death's door), and cannot yet accept the inevitable.

if i were in your shoes, i would be honest with them, and continue to be firm with them about your knowledge, and that they should be discussing her condition with her doctors and nurses, not you. obviously you should also continue to be a support to your mom.

perhaps you could quietly speak to one of the patients doctors or nurses to recommend family counseling from the hospitals grief counselors or palliative care staff if its available. this type of counseling does not have to wait until the patient dies if the family is having difficulty seeing the reality of the situation.

i don't hate being a nurse, i just sometimes hate that other people know i am a nurse.

i'm sorry about your mom's friend. it is hard to lose someone close to you.

amy

i suspect that the physicians and nurses involved with this woman's care already know there's a problem with the family -- especially if they've caught them trying to give her food or drink while on aspiration precautions or had to ask them to leave. if the hospital has the service, that family is probably already receiving counseling of some sort -- if they'll accept it.

the op is in a difficult situation, no doubt about it. but just keep telling them the same thing over and over: talk to the staff involved with the patient's care. it may never get through -- some people's denial is so intense it filters everything out. but at least you'll know you did the right thing.

[lisamc1RN, LPN]

I feel that way sometimes. Especially when family and friends ask me questions that I don't know the answers to me. They look at me like I should know the answers, so what's my problem. Also, there are days at work that are so hard that I wonder why on earth I chose nursing to go in to. Most days I love it, though. :)

[freesia98]

I'm sorry you are in this position. It is very difficult to be "the nurse" when everyone wants answers for your loved ones condition. I have been in your shoes with my family several times. I have learned what works for me is to refer them back to the medical staff taking care of person. We as people greiving for the patient, need to be able to not be "the nurse" at times like this.

It is always difficult to deal with people that don't have the medical background you do in these situations. They only have their own experience to draw on. They don't have the physiology background.

Sometimes it's hard for the person with the answers to defer the questions to others, but when it is personal, it can help keep emotions in check on both sides.

Good luck to you

[Medic/Nurse, BSN, RN]

Hey there AngelfireRN -

In situations like yours, YES that is the one time that I do hate having to be a nurse.

The big problem with situations like you find yourself in --- is that that the folks are are pleading with you want answers that no one is going to be able to give them. So, here you are in that abyss that is not only tragic for the family (and your mom) but it becoming an emotional drain on you. All here at Christmas. I am sorry that you are going through this but BLESS YOU.

My answer:

Gather them up, get pastoral care involved. Let them know that YOU do not know. Also, restate that facts and then tell them: That it is in the hands of God

I have used this fact many times and once everyone is together, facts are given, medical questions all answered - giving it to the Higher Power has generally worked wonders.

Good Luck

Hugs to You

Bless You