Anyone else's relationship on the rocks??

ThePhilster · Oct 18, 2011

Well I was on the other end. My ex-gf was in nursing while we were together. I don't have any solutions for you unfortunately. It was DEFINITELY a strain on our relationship. Her top priority was school and she was always stressed out. She couldn't really be there to talk to me or go on dates etc. although she tried her best to. Nursing school is not a good time for a relationship unless your partner is understanding and supportive. I'm not a relationship expert, but that is what I saw from what happened with me.

MikeFromMT · Oct 18, 2011

I'm sorry to hear about you and your SO, school can be stressful due to the demands of your time not to mention the work involved with studying and homework. Some spouses may feel a bit neglected or that it's taking too long. Based upon your post that you are almost done with your pre-reqs you still have another year or 2 depending on your goals. Have you communicated the time-lines to him?

My school said it's a 2 year program but what they didn't say was there is a year+ wait to start (good time to take some pre/co-reqs) then you have a year of full time school 4 days a week, then you'll likely have to wait 1-2 semesters for a spot in the ADN program, then it's another year of full time classes. That 2 year program suddenly looks like 4, it can be frustrating not just for the student but for other family members as well, especially if they're the sole provider financially. Communication and expectations are key. He may not understand.

I'm fortunate in that my wife is also a Nursing student at the same school as me, we both "get it".

It may be time for a quiet, mature, un-distracted chat with your SO. It is so very important to have somebody who is supportive while your in school, I wish you luck.

perks06 · Oct 18, 2011

I am sooo with you!! I have been in school for 3 years now doing pre-reqs and the nursing program. I finally graduate in Dec but my marriage has super taken a hit. Its hard for my husband to understand that nursing school really does take all of your time. He thinks I have all this time that I am sitting around doing nothing because I am not at work all day like him. But in reality Im studying my ass off!! What we did was try to be really open and honest with each other about our feelings. Him saying he felt neglected or me saying that I felt unsupported. And we had to schedule in time to hang out and still have the relationship. It is not easy but its doable... I promise. I think that overall it has brought us closer together because we have had to open up and really rely on each other. You can do it. Dont give up!!!

dreamon · Oct 18, 2011

It sounds like he doesn't deserve to enjoy the better times you will have after you graduate. He's not helping out around the house or with the kids, reeks of sabotage to me. I can understand feeling neglected, but that doesn't explain not sharing or supporting each other when the going gets tough. You are struggling try through school to benefit everyone- why can't he understand that?

ashleyisawesome, BSN, RN · Oct 18, 2011

my situations a little different. i feel bad that i am so engrossed in school right now and my boyfriend is kind of irritating to me at the moment. its not his fault and hes not doing anything wrong in particular, i guess im just stressed and dont have the time to deal with him right now. if i could start over i would do nursing school single, and then worry about dating. ughh.

Double-Helix, BSN, RN · Oct 18, 2011

Its frustrating because I'm to the point where I don't even feel the need to want to work on the relationship anymore. My top priority right now is getting through school, getting into a program, graduating and finding a job. I know it may sound selfish but I don't even see us lasting more then a year longer.

Honestly, I think this is your problem with the relationship. Once something else becomes more important than your significant other and the relationship stops becoming a priority, it's going to be hard to make it work. A career is NEVER more important than family. Your SO obviously feels that he isn't important to you anymore, and since he now has the sole responsibility of earning financially, he has no desire to help out at home. In his mind, giving you more time to study is allowing you to spend more time on the thing that's driving you apart.

Nursing school requires a lot of studying. This problem isn't going to end after this semester. Unless you and your SO can find time to value each other and make the other a priority, it's very unlikely you'll say together. It's going to take some honest, open minded conversation and probably some counseling as well. Talk about how the other one is feeling and what changes they need to get their needs met. Commit to spending some time together each week. Is there someone else who can watch the kids for a few hours a couple times a week? What are you doing while the other two are in school? Can the younger go to a daycare or day camp during that time?

Is nursing school really worth ending a 13 year relationship with the father of your three children? Yes, you'll be an RN, but if that means your kids spend only weekends and opposite holidays with their Dad, was it worth it? Only you can answer those questions. Keep in mind that even if you break up, you'll still have your kids to care for AND you'll have to support yourself. That won't leave too much time or studying either.