So before I say this, let me say that I realise I may be being uptight, at least that is what my boyfriend said, but I want to get your opinions. :)
A lot of my patients are older people and the older men always need to make "sweet" or "cute" little remarks like "of course I'll take a walk with a pretty girl asking me," etc.
I know they're just trying to be nice but I don't think it is appropriate. My male colleagues never get these kind of comments and it makes me uncomfortable when patients seem to forget my qualifications, education, and JOB and make these types of comments.
Of course, I'm not going to tell a critically ill person to keep these remarks to himself, but it just bothers the hell out of me! (Clearly!)
Although the consensus seems to be that I should chill out about it, I'm wondering if anyone else gets bothered by this, because I think if those I know had to deal with it they wouldn't think it so "sweet."
A lot of it's habit, and the hospital is not really the place to make the patient change those behaviors. If it's an annoyance, I recommend dealing with it. You shouldn't be afraid to tell the patient he or she's making you uncomfortable with those comments - they're usually trying to be friendly and relaxed with you in a difficult situation, and if you tell them in a friendly, non-critical tone, it shouldn't strain your relationship.
If it's actual threatening or harassing behavior, I'd document it and give him a stern warning.
Now if it was another employee making those comments, that'd be another story...
What mamamerlee said, but a little extra. If your instincts tell you the patient has crossed the line, don't tolerate it. There's a lot of perverts out there and they tend to pick their victims well. Many centuries ago when I was a young tech one patient would flip his gown over and expose himself when he heard me walking in. I complained to the nurse who dismissed by saying he didn't know what he was doing. Oh, he knew all right, and she should have marched in there and told him to cut it out. Another patient, who was in legal trouble for child molesting (all in the news as it involved a very wealthy, well known person molesting the daughter of an employee with the employee's consent) asked a tech to rub his privates in a very prolonged and intense way.
But a mild flirtation by an older gentlemen? Seriously, that's their way of being courtly and flattering you. They don't mean anything by it. I myself get a kick out of it.
Sheesh! Yes, I think you're being a bit too sensitive. I wish my patients would be nice little ol' ladies and gentlemen that called me sweetie and honey. Instead, I work with 20 year old opioid addicts that call me "The Cop" because I don't take any crap.
I'd much rather be called "honey" or "sweetie" 'than having some creepo say, "You've got a booty and I like that". And that's not the worst that has been said to me. So yeah, little old men calling me honey is definitely not going to raise my hair.
Oh, I absolutely adore the old patients who call me sweetie, dear, and make flirty little comments like that. As long as they're not being sexually aggressive or inappropriate, a little term of endearment is more than welcome in a night filled (potentially) with angry, abusive, or confused patients. I think it's very sweet and in no way demeaning, and you're really sweating the small stuff if you let something like this bother you. It would be different if we were talking about someone disparaging your level of skill, but they're not. They're just being friendly and nice. Lighten up.
I always take that stuff in the spirit that it is intended. In an older gentleman, it is nearly always an attempt to be friendly. Being patients in the hospital puts people in a very vulnerable state emotionally; they are dependent on others for so much of their care and comfort. Often those sorts of comments from old men are merely an attempt to maintain a little bit of their dignity in an awkward situation.
Recently there was a sweet 85-year old guy in our hospital's step down. He had been discharged home s/p CABG and then readmitted for symptomatic bradycardia. The MDs thought he was just a little overloaded on his amiodarone. His nurse went into his room to check on him because he brady'd down to the 30's, but when she got there his rate was back in the 50's (his baseline). When she told him why she was checking on him he said, "Of course my heart rate went up when I saw a pretty lady like you in my room!" They both had a laugh about it. An hour later he went into PEA, and we coded him for almost an hour but could never get a pulse on him. I'm glad his last interaction was with a friendly nurse who laughed at his harmless flirtation instead of trying to put him in his place.
If a 30-something guy is putting the moves on you, by all means step up and push back. But if it is some nice old man who calls you "pretty," try to take cultural and age differences into account before you say something potentially hurtful.
It may be a generational thing. I find it harmless and amusing when a 70-80 yr old male pt calls this 52 yo nurse cute or sweet. Even when I was younger I found it harmless. Maybe it's a small way to help an older man feel less powerless in the presence of a strong young female nurse. It only diminishes you, if you let it. My psycho babble for the day.
eat it up while it lasts. yea, annoying when you are the cute young little thing trying to show you are a profesional nurse. Wait till your an old hag like me!
When the patients make a comment like that now, I know its time to check their O2 sat.... they are probably hypoxic!
Eh. It's a fine line for me. I look younger than I am and I'll often get told "Oh, you don't look like you're old enough to be out of high school!" (I'm 24). That does bug me because I feel like they don't take me seriously as a nurse.
That said, if they're elderly and it's an obviously innocent comment I let it go. If they're elderly and demented and go a little further ("hey honey, you married?" **winkwink**), I'll let it go, but steer them away from the subject. If they are a family member of a patient and they are trying to look down my top (38Ds, they're hard to contain) while I take vitals, I get angry because obviously, hey, NOT appropriate. In that case you need to take a stand for yourself, and if needed, file a complaint.
So glad I have you all to set me straight. Thanks for the replies. It probably should not bother me so much, especially since I am generally lacking sleep/looking awful and they're probably just trying to make me feel better! Thanks for your input, ladies and gents. xo
I'll go against the grain and not call you uptight.
I do totally understand where you're coming from. There's also a difference between it bothering you, and acting on that bother, which you stated you weren't going to do. Even if no harm is meant (and it usually isn't), that type of thing can FEEL demeaning. So your annoyance has relevance.
I had a guy that kept making comments when I'd have to assess him (he'd had a prostatectomy) about, how could I look at *those* all day long, doesn't it ruin things for my husband (ha ha, I'm single to boot), etc etc etc. Constant comments about me looking at his member. Some comments related to my age/youth (and I'm 30, for crying out loud!). I totally know his comments were due to embarrassment, and I could take them with a grain of salt, but I set him straight as well. "Eh, by now, I might as well be looking at your foot for as much as it affects me." Things like that....and all said in good, joking humor.
And that's not the worst that has been said to me. So yeah, little old men calling me honey is definitely not going to raise my hair..thumb.jpg.fdeda4722b298c9060dd5ada86bad2cb.jpg){kind=small}
aura_of_laura
321 Posts
A lot of it's habit, and the hospital is not really the place to make the patient change those behaviors. If it's an annoyance, I recommend dealing with it. You shouldn't be afraid to tell the patient he or she's making you uncomfortable with those comments - they're usually trying to be friendly and relaxed with you in a difficult situation, and if you tell them in a friendly, non-critical tone, it shouldn't strain your relationship.
If it's actual threatening or harassing behavior, I'd document it and give him a stern warning.
Now if it was another employee making those comments, that'd be another story...