anxiety about evening Childcare

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Hello all,

I am a going to start my ADN program soon. I chose the evening weekend option as I work during the day. The classes will be held three nights out of the week from 6pm To 10pm plus Clinicals on Saturdays 6:45 am to 4:00 pm. I'm excited about starting Nursing has always been a dream of mine. Howevet, I am experiencing anxiety thinking of the fact that I have to leave my 3 year old son at evening child care facility. I also feel guilty at the thought of bouncing him from daycare during my working hours then taking him to the evening place. I tell myself I am doing this for his future but the guilt creeps in. Am I doing the right thing? Should I wait? Any advice would be great

Just chiming in with support and my two cents for what its worth... I've always had my kids in daycare because my family needs my income and I think a lot of good can come from it. That being said, I would really consider waiting the 2 years until he is in kindergarten to pursue this. Not only because you will be losing most of your time with your son, but also financially- once he is in school you (presumably) won't be paying for daycare during those daytime hours and he would be away from you anyway whether you were working or not because he'll be school age. If you are able to pay the bills with the job you have now, 2 more years isn't that bad and I think in the long run would be better off. If you really can't wait for some reason, I would go with someone you trust, preferably a family member, who can watch him in your home so that he can sleep in his own bed. That seems vastly better than being out of the house 3 nights a week as a toddler. Good luck to you! Parenting is tough stuff and I think most of us are doing the absolute best we can with the hand we've been dealt.

Thank you so very much. Your support and advice is worthy and very appreciated

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Specializes in OB.

So tell me, would anyone question the propriety of a father going back to school to be better able to support his family?

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So tell me, would anyone question the propriety of a father going back to school to be better able to support his family?

Great question!!!!!!!!

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Specializes in Critical Care, Med-Surg, Psych, Geri, LTC, Tele,.

I was married when I started my prereqs in order to attend Nursing School. At the time, I made sure I could still pick up and drop my 3 kids off at school and sports practices/ games.

I attended classes either while they were in school, or when my husband was off from work. (He worked a 9-5)

This was too much work for him. He decided to end the marriage in a most disruptive manner.

To my then, dismay, I ended up having to send my youngest to child care. It was never my plan.

However, I chose to embrace my situation and make the best of it.

My youngest was in pre-k when I started prereqs and had to go to a licensed child care program once I was accepted to nursing school.

I now think that it's perfectly alright to pursue an education that will allow you to provide for your children-- even if it means they will have to attend childcare.

My youngest child, who was in pre-k when I started prereqs and is now nearing the end of elementary school at the sane time as I graduated from

RN school has told me: started from

the bottom, now we're here! ��

I reiterate, if you choose to go to school to be able to earn a living to support your kids, please don't feel guilty!

Mom-guilt is no Bueno. It doesn't serve you or your kids.

Indeed, working as a nurse has even allowed me to assist my eldest with some of the costs of being a full time university student.

Don't feel bad for pursuing a career that will allow you to financially provide for your children.

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Some of this might repeat things already suggested by others however this is my input as the mother of a 3 year old. Mom guilt is SO hard and I think you'll experience it no matter what decisions we makes as mothers! These two years will be very difficult for you and your son but if you believe it will build a stronger or more secure future for the both of you then you should find a way to make it work.

What seems most troubling to me is the idea of him being in a nighttime daycare center, I don't know what his sleep schedule is like but I'm assuming he probably goes to bed by 7-8 since he has daycare in the morning/you work. It will be so much better for him and put less guilt on you if you find someone who can pick him up from daycare, bring him home to his own toys and room, make him dinner and put him to bed. That way he isn't being woken up after being asleep and having to go through the whole process again at home.

I wonder if you can find a way to cut back on work hours, or if it's possible for you to study at work because it doesn't sound like you will have enough hours in your day to study or spend time with your son :( I know the nursing school I am waiting to start strongly discourages students from working more then 20 hours a week while attending school. It CAN be done but it will make it that much harder on you and of course being a mommy is another full time job.

I hope you figure out a solution that works for you, stay strong and you will find a way. Many mothers have made it work before you and if they can survive you can too :)

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Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.
You are asking for advice. Some people will tell you that what you are doing isn't the best idea. If you want to only positive replies you likely won't get it.

I get you want to make a better life for your son. But he will get only two weeknights with you, Saturday night and Sunday. You also will have to find time to study. I think you'd both miss each other terribly.

Missing some time with her son vs. living in poverty. I think I would rather miss time with child(ren) than live paycheck to paycheck. I don't know anyone who has said, "I'm glad I grew up dirt poor!". Plus she can make great memories with her son after she starts making better money as a nurse. Two years is nothing compared to the rest of his life.

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As a parent you have to do what you think is best; wtbs I personally couldnt do it. I have an 8 month old and im fortunate enough to be starting a program when hes so young he wont remember that im not there. If he were older i would feel really bad having him around people all day and then come home and have to study and not give him much attention. As others have said, if you could find a home sitter ar night, or even just get a nanny for the whole day period, so that way your 3 old can be in on place with one person and have a sense of security being in their own home. Best of luck.

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I often worry about nurses who work nights and wonder who is taking care of their kids. This never seems to be discussed in HR or by management. I give single parents so much credit. It's such a hard job.

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No child as an adult ever looked back and said "gee, I wish my parents would have stayed in crushing poverty longer so I could have more attention as a child". You need to do what you need to do for your family's future, and don't feel guilty about it.

I would look into in-home daycare (like sitters or relatives) so your kid can sleep in his/her own bed, but I understand these aren't always feasible options.

I have also never met a child that said "gee I wish I could have had more cool "stuff" as a kid instead of time and attention from my parents". There is a lot of levels between getting by and crushing poverty.

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Parenting is the only job people think you can be GREAT at even if you are not actually there much.

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Thank you So much for your comment. I really appreciate it. My sentiments exactly! It's not like I'm "pawning" off my child to club hop and party the night away...Geeze...I just want a sound career that would secure my child's future. I like the method you mentioned with the time :). Again, thanks

Your son doesn't comprehend why you aren't there. You just aren't. I am not saying it to bash you I am just saying intent doesn't affect impact. If you accidentally hit me with your car vs on purpose I am still injured.

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Specializes in Adult MICU/SICU.

I think you hit the nail on the head for every nurse - male and female - of child rearing age.

My son was born 2 months after I graduated, and 2 weeks after sitting my NCLEX exam (the last pencil and paper testing in the state of AZ - yeah, I'm old).

My husband was a cook making scarcely more than minimum wage, and my mom died during this time - a miasma of change to be sure. We had no one for child care assistance to turn to.

How we handled this was my husband stayed home with the baby when my 6 weeks of maternity leave ended (which is not enough - never enough). This meant I was the primary bread winner, and because I earned far, far less than I expected, I did lots over over time too.

Eventually my son turned two, and my husband rejoined the work force, but the agony of leaving our son at day care tugged something primal inside me.

Are you doing the right thing? That is a loaded question … however, please be reassured that since you probably don't have other options, and nursing school doesn't last forever, you are making a good decision.

You should better your income options, so be assured this is the right thing to do. But remember, unless something changes in future you haven't already mentioned, your little one will still require day care while you work after graduation.

A positive nearly always has an affiliated negative along for the ride. It's up to you to decide if the positive out weighs the negative enough to proceed.

Good luck with nursing school. Plenty of nurse parents have also had to make the same decisions you have, so you're in good company my friend.

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