anxiety about evening Childcare

jessc16 · Aug 1, 2016

I can totally feel for you!! I worried constantly about my daughter, but she was always with my sister or with a close family friend. It is a huge sacrifice, but it will always be worth it. I would just be afraid of leaving my kid at an overnight daycare... but I know that is the only choice sometimes and it wont last forever!!!

NICUismylife, ADN, BSN, RN · Aug 1, 2016

Honestly, my first thought was "when will she study?" Actual in-class time and clinical time is such a small part of nursing school!

From reading your post, I am under the impression that you are working a full-time 8-5 job during the week. Is that right?

Your clinical is less than half of what mine is (I'm guessing it will probably increase in later semesters?), so that definitely loosens up some time, but I spend 40-60 hours per week on school between class, clinic, skills lab hours, homework, clinical paperwork (care plans), projects, and studying. My biggest concern is that you do not have enough hours in the day with your job. Then add in your son needing some of your time as well. Something will have to give somewhere.

And the mommy guilt! OMG the GUILT!!!! It's so real. My first semester, my daughter (6 at the time) would cry and say she missed me. My son started acting out at school and finally broke down and said it's because I wasn't around enough anymore. One day, when I was locked in my room putting my care plan together for the next day's clinic, my daughter knocked on my door and begged to just come in and sit with me. She promised not to talk or make any noise, she just wanted to BE with me. OMG, talk about a knife thru the heart! It's so so so hard. But there comes a time where you have to realize that you are doing this so their life will be better. And now that I'm heading into my 4th and final semester, they just roll with the punches. They are used to it! They do their own laundry, they do dishes, they get themselves food when they need it, they pack their own lunches for school, etc. But with your little being so little, YOU will still have all that responsibility too. And it sounds like you may be a single parent.

Full-time job, full-time school, full-time mom, keep a house running, I won't sugar coat it, I couldn't hang. No way, no how. If you can, kudos. But it will probably be the hardest 2 years of your life. If you can cut back work hours, you have a much better chance of success.

jessc16 · Aug 1, 2016

I worked full-time 7a-345p monday-Friday, had class sometimes Mon-Thurs from 5pm to 10pm and then had to take days off of work for clinicals that started at 645am-4pm. It was hard. It sucked. I cried... but I did it. I started nursing school part time in Sept 2013 and graduated this past June after increasing my school schedule to full-time to graduate sooner. I have a 6 year old daughter and she was a trooper the whole way through. Now I've been accepted into an ER Fellowship and I cannot wait to start! It will work out if you put the work in. Study time will come.. it might be at 11pm, but it will come. You just figure it out. I don't have much family to count on and I don't get any help from the government or "welfare". If you want it bad enough you will find a way and your child will always benefit from your sacrifices.

MunoRN, RN · Aug 1, 2016

I would make sure you're considering what your schedule will look like. Outside of work and class, you're left with one full day (Sunday) and 3 evenings per week. The general rule of thumb is to expect nursing school obligations to take up 2-3 hours outside of class for every hour in class. At least some portion of people can maybe cut that down to 1-2 hours per hour of class time which still takes all of your remaining day and 3 evenings of time with your son. I usually recommend that people not take any loans if at all possible, but in your case I'd recommend trading some future debt for time with your son now, at least hen you'd have a few hours a week of mommy time.

Mahogany77 · Aug 1, 2016

I worked full-time 7a-345p monday-Friday, had class sometimes Mon-Thurs from 5pm to 10pm and then had to take days off of work for clinicals that started at 645am-4pm. It was hard. It sucked. I cried... but I did it. I started nursing school part time in Sept 2013 and graduated this past June after increasing my school schedule to full-time to graduate sooner. I have a 6 year old daughter and she was a trooper the whole way through. Now I've been accepted into an ER Fellowship and I cannot wait to start! It will work out if you put the work in. Study time will come.. it might be at 11pm, but it will come. You just figure it out. I don't have much family to count on and I don't get any help from the government or "welfare". If you want it bad enough you will find a way and your child will always benefit from your sacrifices.

Thank you so much for your input. You are a strong Woman. I'm sure your daughter is proud of you.

Mahogany77 · Aug 1, 2016

I would make sure you're considering what your schedule will look like. Outside of work and class, you're left with one full day (Sunday) and 3 evenings per week. The general rule of thumb is to expect nursing school obligations to take up 2-3 hours outside of class for every hour in class. At least some portion of people can maybe cut that down to 1-2 hours per hour of class time which still takes all of your remaining day and 3 evenings of time with your son. I usually recommend that people not take any loans if at all possible, but in your case I'd recommend trading some future debt for time with your son now, at least hen you'd have a few hours a week of mommy time.

Thank you so much.

Mahogany77 · Aug 1, 2016

Honestly, my first thought was "when will she study?" Actual in-class time and clinical time is such a small part of nursing school!
From reading your post, I am under the impression that you are working a full-time 8-5 job during the week. Is that right?
Your clinical is less than half of what mine is (I'm guessing it will probably increase in later semesters?), so that definitely loosens up some time, but I spend 40-60 hours per week on school between class, clinic, skills lab hours, homework, clinical paperwork (care plans), projects, and studying. My biggest concern is that you do not have enough hours in the day with your job. Then add in your son needing some of your time as well. Something will have to give somewhere.
And the mommy guilt! OMG the GUILT!!!! It's so real. My first semester, my daughter (6 at the time) would cry and say she missed me. My son started acting out at school and finally broke down and said it's because I wasn't around enough anymore. One day, when I was locked in my room putting my care plan together for the next day's clinic, my daughter knocked on my door and begged to just come in and sit with me. She promised not to talk or make any noise, she just wanted to BE with me. OMG, talk about a knife thru the heart! It's so so so hard. But there comes a time where you have to realize that you are doing this so their life will be better. And now that I'm heading into my 4th and final semester, they just roll with the punches. They are used to it! They do their own laundry, they do dishes, they get themselves food when they need it, they pack their own lunches for school, etc. But with your little being so little, YOU will still have all that responsibility too. And it sounds like you may be a single parent.
Full-time job, full-time school, full-time mom, keep a house running, I won't sugar coat it, I couldn't hang. No way, no how. If you can, kudos. But it will probably be the hardest 2 years of your life. If you can cut back work hours, you have a much better chance of success.

Your response brought tears to my eyes. Honestly, I don't know how I am going to do this. My job is 8 to 4pm. Classes starts at 6.

Ddestiny, BSN, RN · Aug 3, 2016

I'll be the first to admit that I have no kids and this is very much just my opinion and what I saw members of my cohort experience during nursing school.

I'm surprised to see so much negativity. It's not like the OP is trying to "pawn off" her child to go party. I think some people just love spreading the mom guilt and can never be satisfied (Going to school? Oh, your poor abandoned child! Not advancing your education? How could you possibly provide! blah blah blah....). I had several classmates with young kids that powered through school with the thought of "[childs name] is too young to remember the time away right now, but they will be able to remember the better life I will be able to provide for him/her later with better income". One of my instructors started in LPN school when her child was less than a year old and she ended up going all the way through to her Master's degree before her child was 5 or 6 (hazy on the specifics now).

The single moms I went to school with had a lot of guilt, especially if they didn't have any supportive family around to watch their kids. But really, even the ones that had husbands that were able to pick up a lot of the "slack" still felt like they were putting their family through something negative while they were in school.

My only suggestions would be to make sure you have 2nd, 3rd and 4th backup options for evening childcare in case someone flakes or is unavailable. It's hard to take time off of school. If you have to miss even one test or a clinical, that can really kill your grade. And there were days where I had multiple tests per day, multiple days per week.

I remember one classmate did one technique to make sure she had one-on-one time with her kids. Each evening she would take them independently into their room with a timer set for 20 minutes. For those 20 minutes she would do anything with the kid that they wanted (usually talking about their day, reading books, whatever). This helped her to feel more connected with them on a daily basis and helped keep them from feeling ignored when she needed to say "not right now" while studying.

I see nothing wrong with wanting to pursue your education and want to provide for your family. I just recommend making sure you have plenty of options for people that you are okay with watching your kids (had a classmate come in crying because she had to leave her child with someone that she knew, but the child didn't. Messed up her whole day). It will suck while you're going through it, but it will totally be worth it. =)

Mahogany77 · Aug 3, 2016

I'll be the first to admit that I have no kids and this is very much just my opinion and what I saw members of my cohort experience during nursing school.
I'm surprised to see so much negativity. It's not like the OP is trying to "pawn off" her child to go party. I think some people just love spreading the mom guilt and can never be satisfied (Going to school? Oh, your poor abandoned child! Not advancing your education? How could you possibly provide! blah blah blah....). I had several classmates with young kids that powered through school with the thought of "[childs name] is too young to remember the time away right now, but they will be able to remember the better life I will be able to provide for him/her later with better income". One of my instructors started in LPN school when her child was less than a year old and she ended up going all the way through to her Master's degree before her child was 5 or 6 (hazy on the specifics now).
The single moms I went to school with had a lot of guilt, especially if they didn't have any supportive family around to watch their kids. But really, even the ones that had husbands that were able to pick up a lot of the "slack" still felt like they were putting their family through something negative while they were in school.
My only suggestions would be to make sure you have 2nd, 3rd and 4th backup options for evening childcare in case someone flakes or is unavailable. It's hard to take time off of school. If you have to miss even one test or a clinical, that can really kill your grade. And there were days where I had multiple tests per day, multiple days per week.
I remember one classmate did one technique to make sure she had one-on-one time with her kids. Each evening she would take them independently into their room with a timer set for 20 minutes. For those 20 minutes she would do anything with the kid that they wanted (usually talking about their day, reading books, whatever). This helped her to feel more connected with them on a daily basis and helped keep them from feeling ignored when she needed to say "not right now" while studying.
I see nothing wrong with wanting to pursue your education and want to provide for your family. I just recommend making sure you have plenty of options for people that you are okay with watching your kids (had a classmate come in crying because she had to leave her child with someone that she knew, but the child didn't. Messed up her whole day). It will suck while you're going through it, but it will totally be worth it. =)

Thank you So much for your comment. I really appreciate it. My sentiments exactly! It's not like I'm "pawning" off my child to club hop and party the night away...Geeze...I just want a sound career that would secure my child's future. I like the method you mentioned with the time :). Again, thanks

belljar1995, PhD, RN · Aug 4, 2016

As a parent, you will always have these anxieties and feelings of guilt. As you said, this investment in yourself will benefit your child over the long term. I too did nursing school, working, etc and had to put my child in day care and then some nights needed to use a babysitter. Of course I always worried, but guess what? My child was fine and was and is a very happy little girl who socializes well and has learned that she has lots of people who love her. If possible though, it may be better to have the evening child care in your home. My sitter would get my child fed and ready for bed and often even cooked me some dinner! That allowed me to spend some time with child and then put her to bed, If you have to drive home , your child (and you) may get quite wired making for a difficult transition to a restful evening. Group care is cheaper---I actually hired one of my child's group teachers to care for her on the nights I had clinical--this worked out great. Of course, you'd need to check with the policies of the child care as some do not allow teachers to do off hours paid babysitting for children who attend the center.

katyq82 · Aug 4, 2016

Just chiming in with support and my two cents for what its worth... I've always had my kids in daycare because my family needs my income and I think a lot of good can come from it. That being said, I would really consider waiting the 2 years until he is in kindergarten to pursue this. Not only because you will be losing most of your time with your son, but also financially- once he is in school you (presumably) won't be paying for daycare during those daytime hours and he would be away from you anyway whether you were working or not because he'll be school age. If you are able to pay the bills with the job you have now, 2 more years isn't that bad and I think in the long run would be better off. If you really can't wait for some reason, I would go with someone you trust, preferably a family member, who can watch him in your home so that he can sleep in his own bed. That seems vastly better than being out of the house 3 nights a week as a toddler. Good luck to you! Parenting is tough stuff and I think most of us are doing the absolute best we can with the hand we've been dealt.

Mahogany77 · Aug 4, 2016

Just chiming in with support and my two cents for what its worth... I've always had my kids in daycare because my family needs my income and I think a lot of good can come from it. That being said, I would really consider waiting the 2 years until he is in kindergarten to pursue this. Not only because you will be losing most of your time with your son, but also financially- once he is in school you (presumably) won't be paying for daycare during those daytime hours and he would be away from you anyway whether you were working or not because he'll be school age. If you are able to pay the bills with the job you have now, 2 more years isn't that bad and I think in the long run would be better off. If you really can't wait for some reason, I would go with someone you trust, preferably a family member, who can watch him in your home so that he can sleep in his own bed. That seems vastly better than being out of the house 3 nights a week as a toddler. Good luck to you! Parenting is tough stuff and I think most of us are doing t