Another vent, need to let it out

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Specializes in ICU.

I'm incredibly stressed and I am going to use this forum as a therapy session.

I'm a 6 year RN, now in Home Health/Hospice. Been here 3 months after a year of bad career decisions with 5 months off due to termination from a management job and a QA job I had to take, which was far and wasn't working, so I applied for my current job and got it.

I used to work ICU and loved it, but long story short, when I had to go back full time, which happened when my husband I separated when our daughter was 6 months old, I hung on for over 2 years, but couldn't anymore due to lack of help and childcare,w hich when I took that stupid management job.

Anways, I was warned I was hired that many people had quite before me due to paperwork. But it was the best fit at the time for my daughter's schedule. Actually a new person quit 2 weeks in. They joke no one makes it barely past 6 months. Well, I have been going insane the past 2 weeks. I am literally waking up way before my daughter to do paperwork, get my daughter ready for camp, bring her, go to the office, make a million phone calls, do a little more paperwork, get on the road, see patients then do paperwork way after hours. I am literally always working. Always. It's me and my supervisor and the boss in the hospice/palliative section. They are killing me with admissions, and I take on the patients no one else wants anymore as the "new girl" my territories are all over.

My apartment is a mess, I am a mess, my patience with my daughter is short, and I have been told I'm not looking well. Not to mention I am battling 2 bulging discs I can even treat and am just making worse and is causing me intense pain. I have had to give up exercise which is my outlet. Oh, and I eat like crap because its always on the go, or I simply do not even have time to do that.

I'm so burnt. I've been crying. I am 32 and feel 60. I want my health back, a life without constant struggle and some ******* help. And yes, this extends beyond my nursing career. But it seriously feel like one of the hardest professions and I have a love/hate relationship with it. I have a lot of stress other areas in my life, that this much in my career is the tip of the iceberg.

But what else am to do? I have to work, and this is my career and source of income. Sometimes I wish I would have been engineers like my friends. They make over 6 figures and barely work. I run my mind and body into the ground for just enough to pay my bills and a few extras.

Sure, I sound ungrateful, I am happy to have income. But crap, it's killing me.

Thanks for letting me let out this long whiny vent. I swear I'm on the edge of a nervous breakdown.

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have you tried a position in home health as a nurse for 1 client? I have 1 client and the nurse's who are coming on board have tired of work such as yours and they also come from hospitals. There a few things that drove me crazy at 1st but now the family is great and you can always change cases if 1 doesn't suit you.

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Specializes in ICU.

No, but that's a great idea. Most of my patients, except for the few crazies, I love. I probably spend too much time in the home, but I am very into doing very thorough nursing care and the psycho-social aspect, which is why I chose hospice. I might really love that. Except I just don't do pediatrics (personally choice) and it seems where1 client nursing care lies.

But I will definitely will look into it. But I think i need to put a year under my belt for marketing reasons. My resume was great up until 6 months in management, about a 4 month unemployed phase, then the QA about 4-5 months. That just didn't look so good:(

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You have home health care, ICU and management experience. Think about that.

That is quite an accomplishment over 6 years.

You are an experienced and versatile RN.

That has (sorry) allowed the system and a bad family situation to beat her up.

STOP.. right now .. feeling sorry for yourself and take action.

You knew that ,that particular home health position stunk before you accepted it. You are absolutely correct to finish out a year in Home Health .. but you CAN insist on a more manageble work load.

Every state has over 500 home health agencies. They will whip you like a donkey to get every dime of Medicare/ Medicaid and Private Insurance money put into THEIR coffers.. off the sweat of your back.

Switching to a different Home Health provider that is not going to abuse you will not be difficult. It will all count as home care experience in the long run.

The 1:1 assignment is a good thought. You have many options .

A "nervous breakdown" is not only NOT warranted here..it's NOT allowable .. you have a daughter.

Please feel free to PM me.

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Specializes in Certified Med/Surg tele, and other stuff.

No advice, I just hope the right 'fit' comes alone. (((hugs)))

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Your "friends" who "barely work" make over 6 figures a year? Please tell me more when you get a chance, because my friends, who are engineers, work their butts off and barely pull in 70k a yr. And they HATE their job btw!

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Your "friends" who "barely work" make over 6 figures a year? Please tell me more when you get a chance, because my friends, who are engineers, work their butts off and barely pull in 70k a yr. And they HATE their job btw!

My husband is an engineer and makes over 6 figures a year. However...he works 12-14 hour days 5 (sometimes 6) days a week. He brings work home for Sundays. He works on a jobsite with OSHA and government regulations breathing down his back at all times. He puts on his hard hat and steel toe boots and climbs those HUGE structures at power plants, WAY up high...in the heat....several times a day. Not all unicorns and rainbows.

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Specializes in Rehab, critical care.

Have you looked into dialysis? I know someone that started as a new grad doing that, and she works no holidays or weekends, and it's low stress, low key. She works for DCI, I believe, but there's davita, frenesius, etc.

I know another person that does acute care dialysis, and she likes it, as well. Before trying other options, and quitting this job, I would see if you can make this job work (as far as the hours go, etc). Maybe it's the learning curve of being new? or is it just not a well-run home care agency? only you will know the answer to that.

best of luck to you, and I'm sorry you're going through all of this. you have a lot on your plate, and if there's any way you can take a PTO day or 2, you sound like you really need it.

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your employer can't be happy with having to fill this position every two weeks to six months. when you quit, or sooner if it strikes you, call a meeting with your supervisors/managers/owners and give them chapter and verse.

your work situation is not safe for you, but it's also not safe for them. home health and hospice are very regulated businesses and if all that paperwork isn't done properly they can end up paying big fines and/or lose their medicare/medicaid certifications. rapid turnover makes it more likely that there will be errors. it sounds as if your job could be divided between two people to make it both more likely the employees don't lose their minds and the work gets done as it should be. can't hurt to talk about it-- you're leaving anyway.

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Specializes in ICU.

See, strange thing is this place seemed so supportive at the beginning, because they are sick of the turnover. They told me to come to them whenever I am feeling overwhelmed. I did once and they were good with me, but this time around, it's more of a "we really have no choice attitude"

I sent my daughter to camp today when she had a fever last night. I had no choice. I beat myself up over it. I did let my supervisor know what I did and warned her if the camp called, I am going. She was OK with that, I guess thankful I didn't call out because it would have left only her today. I was charting in the office and she said with 20 mintues to go in the day "go and get your daughter, make sure she is OK" and guess what. She spiked a fever again (she has been asymptomatic of it.)

Yes, you are right, I cannot afford to have a nervous breakdown. It's more than work, but work isn't helping. The last 4 years of my life have been quite a trip....... I'm just very fatigued. I take care of everyone all the time, but no one ever takes care of me. I realized that when i told my daughter yesterday "mommy doesn't feel good and I want to stay home from work tomorrow" she says "you cant mommy, you have to go help the sick people"

I wasn't insulting the engineers at all. But the ones I know, and quite a few do admit they don't work very hard. U used to have 2 hour lunches with them on tuesdays......... I am sure there are many who do work very hard. But no, the ones I know hang out on FB pretty much all day and pull in 150k......

My supervisor even said today, now that they see you are independent, they are going to slam us.

My work gets praised, at least. I'm hanging in for at least a year. Then we'll see where I will go then.

I'm just scared there is nothing in nursing that is not going to be so stressful and I may never be completely happy doing nursing full time. I can handle the part time fatigue and stress, but lately not the full-time.

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Specializes in ICU.

Oh, and I have looked into dialysis. The part that wasn't going to work for me was that there was a lot of OT. Many of the HD nurses I know like it, but could end up working well past their shift. I can't afford to worry about if whether or not i will make it out on time to get my daughter.

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Specializes in Ambulatory Surgery, Ophthalmology, Tele.

Hugs to you MomRN0913 :hug: Hang in there. No advice here but know we all are here as an ear and with virtual hugs (and prayers if you want). :)

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