Am I in touch with reality?

bigsyis · Aug 29, 2007

Right now, before it gets any later in the day, call your MD and tell him/her (or their nurse) that you are having difficulties because you haven't been able to afford your meds. My husband is bipolar and if he wasn't aking his meds life would be almost unbearable.

Being bipolar you may not even have beena ware of the intensity of your vent yesterday, or how it was being perceived by those around you.

You wouldn't expect your HTN (if you had it) to be controlled without meds; neither can your bipolar, and it is a significant condition that can affect every facet of your life. Please don't delay in getting in touch w/your MD. Any decisions you need to make need to be discussed first with someone in your life that knows you well, and can provide honest insight and advice.

jjjoy, LPN · Aug 29, 2007

First of all, it's okay to be less than perfect. You cried at work in front of your managers and co-workers. You had a bad day. You can still go back in with your head held high if you choose to do so. Even if the managers still think there is some reason you're not working out there, that doesn't mean you need feel shame or conclude that you won't fit anywhere else either. If your best doesn't seem to meet their standards, especially if their standards aren't clear or consistent, you can still take pride in the quality of the work you have done, appreciate all that you have learned, and move on to look for a place that DOES fit better.

I used to think it was the end of the world if I "lost it" work, whether crying or getting angry, but then I saw others who had some kind of tizzy or other and later went on as if nothing had happened (that is, not hanging their head in shame or apologizing over and over). We can't be perfect all the time... we can try, but we all make mistakes sooner or later... how we handle our mistakes and how we move on from them means a lot too. And YOU get to be the ultimate judge as others have their own issues and limitations as well and aren't always reliable in the feedback we get from them.

I wish you peace of mind!

ann945n, RN · Aug 29, 2007

I often find that waiting a few days before you make a huge decision will give you more clarity. It might be tough to wait but I think you need time to let your emotions work themselves out. Remember no one is perfect and we ALL have been there (not to diminish your pain) but you are not any different good or bad then the rest of us. Hope some time helps you, and in a few months I think you will look back on this and be at peace.

woody62, RN · Aug 29, 2007

Being bipolar can be a challenge. Being bipolar and not on medication is a challenge. Can you afford lithium? I am not sure what to advise you with your employer. The best you can do is not to make a quick decision.

Woody:balloons:

leslie :-D · Aug 29, 2007

i'm so sorry you're experiencing this.

somehow, you need to get back on your meds.

that is your first priority.

whether you are manic/hypomanic, or depressed, your view of reality IS going to be distorted.

not knowing anything about you, i don't know how safe you are w/nsg right now.

because of frequent misperceptions that bipolars experience, it can potentially cause a serious misjudgment.

you need someone prescribing and following you closely.

if i can find any referrals/links to get you in the right direction, i will certainly do so.

wishing you a healing, peaceful recovery.

leslie

CHATSDALE · Aug 29, 2007

meds are an absolutely needed. whether or not you decide to go back or not

don't know what caused the uproar but you have said yo are sorry and that you have learned from it..about all you can do it is now up to them

not the end of the world there are other jobs to get your feet wet again..if you are bipolar and have sickness at home you don't need more stress

good luck

Betila · Aug 29, 2007

Help, all you wise fellow nurses out there! I have been in nursing for twenty one years, with the past two spent on the boundaries doing a non-nursing job. Due to financial reasons, decided to give it a go again on a part time basis...figured I could "handle it" for just two days per week, no matter how "tough" it was once I had returned. I love nursing. Love people. Suffice it to say that I felt ready to return to it but a few personal issues have surfaced and with a brave face I thought I'd faced them down. Now, this morning at work, during my first week of orientation, I was called into the administrator's office and confronted with a comment I had made yesterday that was out of line, something said innocently, but sounded very gossipy. Anyway, I realized the error of my ways and apologized, but the adm. and my immediate nsg. super. are now on tenderhooks, it seems, about my future behavior there as a nurse. They even said that one of my references was regarded as I had a poor attitude at that workplace....what? I have had difficulties with some places in the past but thought that was "confidential" information! I am shocked. I feel so stupid and you name it, I feel it. I am not saying I'm a victim here. I am asking what to do next in my situation. I have to decide today and this evening to make a final decision. I left the office in tears, shattered in my lack of self confidence after the meeting with them...was trying to stay and orient but kept crying and couldn't stop. Couldn't concentrate, h/a, the whole nine yards. A little hx on me personally, bipolar disorder dx. within the past year, had to go off meds that had it under control due to the out of pocket expense, I seem to not qualify for assistance of any kind due to husband's income. I feel like I've fallen thru a crack in our system. I want to get better, do better, help others, return to nursing at least on a part time basis, but can't seem to get over this feeling of can't climb out of the hole. Does this make any sense? I'm so overwhelmed right now. I have managed to not cry a tear over some personal issues here at home regarding a daughter's medical condition and her having to move back home, but this morning, it was like a dam let loose and now I am wondering if I even should go back tomorrow and finish orientation with this company? I feel like I've damned myself with them....I'm embarassed. Help. Need input. Any will be welcome. Thank you for the very winded vent!:uhoh21:

When I went back to nursing after being off for a couple of years it was difficult. I was upfront about things I needed refreshers on or assistance. I was fortunate to have a understanding supervisor who was willing to see my strengths and assisted me with the areas that I needed more assistiance. I would personally not stay somewhere very long where I didn't feel comfortable and supported. However I know how it feels to be finacially straped. Perhaps you could set up a meeting with ur supervisor and specifically ask what are they expections. If you have not done so let them know ur concerns about the job and r they willing to work with u. As far as I know when you are hired for a job and references r checked the former employer can only say wether u r elgible for rehire. It is up to u if u want to pursue. Your new employer could be untruthful. I know it is very difficult to b bipolar and b off the meds. You could contact ur doctor and see if some meds are available through pharmacy programs.Also check with local agencies and fimd out if there is assistance for people who don't have qualify d/t finaces. I recently found out about a program that is grant funded to help pay utilities. I hope this is helpful. Remember that our profession does not define who we are it accents who are now and what we are becoming:balloons:

leslie :-D · Aug 29, 2007

nurseangel, try these links.

they're all about those who cannot afford their meds.

http://www.panicdisorder.about.com/cs/affordingdrugs/a/payingformeds.htm

http://www.freemedsandsolutions.com/

http://www.reaching-out.info/support_page.htm

(praying the links work)

leslie

grace90, LPN, LVN · Aug 30, 2007

You wouldn't expect your HTN (if you had it) to be controlled without meds; neither can your bipolar, and it is a significant condition that can affect every facet of your life.

:yelclap::yeahthat::yeahthat::yeahthat::yelclap:

Thank you! That is so true!

Both my husband and I are Bipolar. Without our meds, I don't know where we'd be. I consider my psych meds to be as important as my Zocor.

Tweety, BSN, RN · Aug 30, 2007

Getting your meds has been addressed above and I concur.

Whenever challenged with a less than stellar past by which you fear people are going to judge you, you are simply going to have to give it time and prove them wrong. The judgements there and there's nothing you can do about that. It's quite stessful to be under the microscope, but just hold your head up and shine. Sooner or later after you prove yourself they'll move on. But for now just mind your p's and q's.

Good luck.

CRNI-ICU20 · Aug 30, 2007

The best form of revenge is success.....

prove them wrong...

let them swirl in THEIR gossipping....obviously, they are doing it too, or they wouldn't be bringing up your past...ahem...

and..

get your meds back on board...

show them they are are wrong...

it wouldn't hurt for some managers to have an OUNCE of compassion to a returning nurse, for crying out loud...sometimes, I think that once they move into managment, their compassionate gene is permanently zapped out of them!

I am sorry this happened to you....

Don't make a decision based or rooted in emotion....make your decisions based on good thought and clear reasoning....

Then go succeed....then make the carnivores look foolish for trying to take a bite out of you....

Get your meds on board...and then get on with living....

You are going to do just fine...because you just showed yourself through this thread how really committed you are to nursing and helping others....this is just one bump in the road....and the admins. is just one speck of dust in the Universe....

hold up your head, go back to work....and prove yourself....

crni