Am I selfish for working overtime?

[Convoy2022_TrumpSupporter]

I still live with my parents. anyways, I have to pay my credit cards, student loan, and car loan I want to make aggressive payments towards those and have them paid off at least by early next year. I have been working extra hours. My usual shift is 3-11 pm. Sometimes I come early at 11am. And on my days off I come for my regular shift.

My mom was livid with me. Before she was not happy that I wasn't doing anything like I couldn't get a nursing job. Now that I have one, all of a sudden I work too much? She says "you worked on my birthday, Christmas, and mothers day". Telling me to take off on those days. Her sister flew over here back in April and April is the cut off date for vacation days for the fiscal year. She asked me to take a week vacation so I can tour her sister around here? Come on, I requested to be paid out instead. I started to get a bit annoyed with it, because I didn't like the fact she was making these decisions for me. Is there a way for me to not feel guilty about this? Honest to God I am planning to move out soon, and plan on removing myself from her will. I think her money is cursed to be honest.

[Hoosier_RN, MSN]

Work as you wish. Holidays in healthcare are often worked, due to staffing needs, your'e never guaranteed a holiday as patients are sick every day of the year. It's better to pay these things off while young, then move on with your life. Good luck going forward, some moms are a challenge to say the least 

[Davey Do]

"You can't please everyone, so you got to please yourself." - Ricky Nelson

External gratification is a concept by which we feel validation as a result of how others feel and/or act toward us. External validation is fleeting and written in water, whereas internal validation is reinforcing and can be built upon for a life.

 

[TriciaJ, RN]

 Money is very tantalizing.  It feels good to pay down debts, sock money away and have it on hand when needs arise.

Because you still live at home, you're caught between childhood compliance and adolescent rebellion.  Yes, your mom sounds a bit demanding but you only have one mom and she won't live forever.

Also, at some point your own body will start to rebel at the work demands you place on it.   I've known people who literally made themselves ill chasing the almighty dollar.

Start thinking about balance.  Balance between work and rest.  Balance between money and relationships.  It's not a one-time lesson.  It requires a lifetime of reevaluating and adjusting.

For example, maybe you still want to work Christmas for the overtime, but take off a day for your mom's birthday.

I have a hunch you're an independent thinker, so you'll figure this out

[Nurse Beth, MSN]

Understandably, you must prioritize paying off your debts and work extra hours to achieve your financial goals. Setting boundaries and making decisions around your work schedule is important self-care.

It's important to communicate your intentions and financial responsibilities to your Mom so she understands your motivation and why you work so much. 

 Talk to your Mom about your financial goals and why you must work extra hours to pay off your debts. Explain it's a temporary situation and that you appreciate her understanding and support.

Moving out and establishing independence is a significant step towards achieving your goals. Approach the situation with empathy and respect for your parents' feelings while prioritizing your financial well-being and personal growth.

Stay positive, as these changes can create some family tension. Change often does, even good change ?

[DavidFR, BSN, MSN, RN]

Totally agree with TriciaJ that it's about balance. 

I used to grab all the hours I could when I was in a tight financial situation. I made myself ill - facial paralysis after a bout of shingles that was undoubtedly related to fatigue and stress. Three months out where I couldn't do ANY shifts let alone extra ones.

Years on from that I do still do overtime bit I'm very measured about it. I don't go mad any longer. Wanting to be financially solvent is admirable and doing SOME overtime is great - but you do need a life outside work and your body does need to rest sometimes. And everyone needs to have fun.

Try to see your mother's pioint of view a little. Yes, she needs to compromoise too. Don't let her dictate your life, but really - would it have killed you to celebrate her birthday with her if you weren't rostered for a regular shift?

[Tigerlily8]

Hi!

Have you considered being more strategic in scheduling your shifts? Most facilities pay time and a half for legal holidays but it is unlikely that your Mother's holiday falls on a legal holiday. So maximize your holiday pay, then take time off to spend with your family and friends. 

[InHisImage, BSN]

I agree with the last 4 posts. The only thing I would add is that as an adult with a good paying job, one of the bills you should be prioritizing now is paying rent to your mom (if you are not already).  It can be as little as $2-300/month (waaaay less than your own apartment) or whatever the two of you agree on, but it would help to show your mom that you love and respect her and she may back off a bit.  And yes, take the day off for her birthday and Mother's Day. 

[Bug Out, BSN]

Some of the statements you made are huge red flags for a codependent parent. Requesting you to take the day off for a parent's birthday, Mother's Day, and taking a week to chauffeur your mother and aunt are not normal. I come from an Asian culture where parents are much more involved than typical western culture and even in a typical Asian culture, that is way too much. I would encourage you to read about codependent parents and see if it fits your situation. 

I have a multigenerational home myself. The key to making it work is clear communication and setting and unambiguous boundaries. If you are not paying rent I would highly recommend either doing so or making it clear that certain activities or chores are performed in their place. You need to assert independence and make sure it is clear that you are independent.