Am I the only one?!

[RNitis]

I am a REALLY new RN (worked as a CNA for 2 years in a hospital, graduated nursing school, received RN license NOV 2010, took a break from school/work while NOT working in the field until now). I made the unfortunate mistake of taking a position at a completely unorganized, rushing-to-fill-many-positions, LTC facility (whose employees were on strike, I realize WHY now, after being there for three weeks!).... I had a 27 patient assignment thrown at me (despite me saying I was not comfortable being off orientation, yet) and as expected...it was an EPIC FAIL...

They took me off my assignment, sent me down to the Nursing Supervisor and she was ****** that I "agreed to go on my own and told everyone I was thrown under the bus". I never said I was "thrown under the bus"....I stated to others that I only had 3 days of orientation and bc I had never worked as an RN before, felt this was not enough...After I said my side (and unfortunately started crying bc I felt I just couldn't possibly be a nurse and still owe $70,000 for student loans....WTH was I to do now?!?!), she apologized, admitted that on that day, SHE "was short nurses and coerced me to take my own assignment". This led to an apology, a "story" of how she wants me to succeed and to the agreement of more orientation.

I made a HUGE mistake when I first began there. I was taught in nursing school, that once a patient is yours, you are responsible totally for that patient (things that need to be done on your shift and things that had not been completed that should have been)...this led me to taking "inventory" on the things that weren't completed and things that appeared were "signed off" despite the things not even being available for those patients. (I can only guess that the other nurses looked at me as a potential "whistle blower" to them and immediately put me on their **** list.)

By patients responses of "its a breath of fresh air to see someone like you here, are you staying for good?", I feel I was doing my part as an RN and actually taking the time with my patients to hear their concerns and make them feel cared for rather than like puppies getting treats thrown down their throats and off to the next one.

For 7 more days (not all in a row), I was assigned with different nurses, but between two different floors. The main nurse I was following, had just graduated herself and had been working there for approx. a month (she also was that particular Unit supervisors "favorite nurse"-quote exactly by Unit supervisor.) SO, I (for obvious reasons), had a TON of questions and asked those questions as I went along, while also attempting to take on my own assignment with another nurse "observing" me.

A few days went by and I was still unable to complete a med pass in a timely manner. I was told by the nursing supervisor that she would send someone to observe me to see what/where I was going wrong. That never happened. I was just sent with this "barely new nurse herself". I was told to only worry about your shift/duties, and by each person I followed-I was told something different on who to document on, I was shown to not do assessments (but at the end of the day, I was to chart on my CHF patients whom needed assessments!)...I copied exactly what the nurse was doing, assuming "if it works for her, that's how it's done"..aanntt, wrong!

The Unit supervisor reemed me out and reported it to the facility nursing supervisor...Being who I am, I took the responsibility and never said "well, that's how she does it so I figured that's how it's done"...

Over time I saw I was beginning to be black-marked for the same things I was being taught! Only, she was praised constantly for being a "great nurse" (which I see now as being a "sneaky McDoogle"-which I refuse to be), while I was being condemned for doing the same thing.

Long story short (well, shortened from actual 10 day orientation), I took the mindset of "just do better each day and eventually I'll get there". (I'm my hardest critic, so for me to say/see I was doing better, I actually had to be doing better).

So, day 10, I go speak with the Nursing Supervisor to talk to her about going on my own (as I felt although I wasn't 100% there, I could actually do an assignment soon on my own).. I sit and am asked "how are you doing?", I reply, "I feel I'm progressing". I get "well, that's not what I hear from the other girls." A bit taken back by this, I start rummaging through my mind, thinking over the last few days what I may have done that was so horrible that no one I've worked with has anything good to say besides the temporary nurses (now already flown back home as their assignments were over) who, when I first started, stated I'd be a great nurse and actually were there to answer my questions and discuss my concerns and give me suggestions from their 15 year nursing careers. I could remember a few things, but nothing that the other nurses weren't doing.

The conversation basically ended with "I just don't feel you have what it takes. I see that you're caring and compassionate, maybe you should try homecare, remember, you are still a nurse." As I still didn't feel I received the orientation I should have, I was being told basically that I suck as a nurse (or so that's how it sounded in my head!)...So it came to be that I was to be let go or I could resign, I chose to resign (as I didn't want the only experience I've received as an RN to be stamped "NOT A GOOD NURSE-FIRED".

So, is it just me or did I walk into an unstable scenario for a new grad nurse? And, am I the only person this kind of thing has happened to? (I forgot to mention, while there, I'd overheard that A LOT of nurses and CNA's would work a day or two and just never return). I'm not one to let some stranger tell me my Truth, MY Path, for I'm the only one who really knows me.

So I will again, begin the Job Search (ideally, I'd love to be in a teaching hospital, and although they all ask that an RN have at least one year of experience, I still apply with no call backs). Does anyone have any suggestions? Ideas? ANY feedback would be much appreciated!!

[chevyv, BSN, RN]

Sounds like a disaster to me! The comment "why don't you try home care" was just wrong. Long term care is very difficult and it sounds like you came in during a bad time with a strike going on.

Although I don't have much to give in the advice arena, you tried and gave it your all. You saw growth in your practice and that will help you greatly in your next job. Continue applying and check out other ltc's to get that 1yr experience.

Oh, they were throwing you under the bus for sure. I doubt I would have made it as long as you. I can imagine the difficulty involved when a strike is happening. Good luck in the future and I think you did the best you could. I would be happy to be gone from there!

[classicdame, MSN, EdD]

I do not think many seasoned nurses could succeed in that environment. Not every employer is the same. I hope you find your place soon and learn to enjoy your career.

[uRNmyway, ASN, RN]

I get that finding work is difficult right now, but I always advise against going into LTC right out of nursing school. As you saw, having such a large patient load is extremely difficult unless you have experience with time management and evaluations. As a new nurse, it might take you 15-20 minutes to get a complete assessment, whereas a more experienced nurse could get it done much faster. That isnt to say you arent good. I would highly recommend applying for the extern positions in hospitals if you can. They give months of orientation and really make sure you are well prepared to take on a patient load.

On another note, I think you were manipulated into resigning. If you resign, you are not entitled to get any unemployment. If you are fired, you can. Seeing how long you were there, the lack of orientation or proper training, you could have worked around that when applying for new jobs. I would have simply called the nurse managers of the jobs you applied to directly if I got no calls back. If they stated your dismissal as a reason for not giving you more consideration, I would have explained the fact that as a new nurse, you were not given enough training to be fully prepared for the high patient load.

From what you explained, this facility seems like a disaster waiting to happen. Consider yourself lucky to escape unscathed with no repercussions on your licence!

[Nurse SMS, MSN, RN]

Sounds absolutely like a nightmare scenario for any nurse, not just a brand new one. I am sure this was a hard blow and feels just awful and I am so sorry for that. Square your shoulders, make a list of what you have learned in that job (for use in your future interviews and on your CV) and recognize that you are not a failure. You were not well suited for that environment and frankly very few would be. I hope you find another position very soon and that it is one that builds your confidence back up. There are much better situations out there.

[RNitis]

Thanks everyone for your comments. It feels horrible to think I chose the wrong profession and still owe tons of student loans....I know I am an RN and chose the best career for my personality and I love helping others (in the past it was in the way of choosing bad relationships...this field allows me to help others without it effecting my personal life!) I stepped into a bad situation...I need to "clean off my shoe" and get back out there!

[Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN]

The market is very tight everywhere.....that place sounds like a nightmare. Every experience we have we learn from. There was probably a very good reason the nurse were on strike.

Write it off as a learning expereince.....tell the next employer it wasn't a good fit..... and move on!

Good Luck!

[nursingilove]

like my old boss says "be a duck".

I believe things happen for a reason and I'm happy to hear your going to "clean off your shoe", lol. Now at least when you interview next if you get that vibe you know to steer clear! Good Luck with your hunt, something will come your way;)

[Wise Woman RN]

I went to LTC as a very seasoned nurse. I was given 3 days orientation because I was a seasoned nurse. I had never worked LTC before.

So, my three days were on 3 different wings, with 25 to 30 patients on each. med pass was a nightmare, not knowing who the residents were, not able to find a CNA to point them out, CRUSHING MEDS for most of them, that is so time consuming, let alone doing the 3 checks and the five rights.

On one wing, 9 am med pass was finished at noon, then noon meds went to 230. Treatments? haha.. AND no orientation to do the paperwork required. the forms were in a pile, you had to fish out the one you wanted, if you could figure out what you wanted. No access to the computer, where falls are required to be entered.. Lost my bp machine. couldn't find a thermometer or pulse ox. Couldn't find the CNA's. Had gtubes and a trach patient, two hospice patients, and the general mix of confused, or grumpy, or suspicious residents, as well as the A&O short-timers...Irate family members, too... I lasted 3 months..

The nurses who had been there a long time were phenomenal, but they didn't have a whole lot of time to help, either.. And through it all, the same sad thought came to me... It's the money... for the corporations... So many of the pills came from the corporations own pharmacy, recommended by their own dietician. 98 year old people with 20 different vitamins and bowel meds... sad... I can see the bp meds, the cardiac meds, etc, but WHY so many freaking vitamins and supplements??? I worked there for 3 months, and I was afraid every day. some things that should have been done, weren't, but were signed off. There is just way way way too much work for a nurse to do in LTC. This nurse, anyway. I hated not being able to stop to help a resident into the bathroom, but there just was no time.. the nurses who work in LTC are amazing to watch.. I just was not able to get to that point.. I miss the old folks, though.. But I had to quit... they were cutting staff, and I knew that if I stayed, I would just run out screaming...

So I stayed with my other job... the things I learned in LTC did help me in the hospital. And then, a new manager came.She wrote me up twice, on the basis of gossip from the CNAs. So now, I am home... unemployed, 61 years old, with two herniated discs in my neck. I worked for a full year like that, they paid for the work injury tests and xrays. She fired me. Cleaning house, as it were..after many years of pouring my heart into my work and my patients..helping my coworkers, taking the students under my wing, doing post conferences for them.. It hurts... I am a very good nurse, but I think my time is past... I will have to look for some other way to be useful, and care about people in other ways.. Rambling on... you are all so nice on here, and supportive... thank you for that.

[Flatlander]

I worked there for 3 months, and I was afraid every day. some things that should have been done, weren't, but were signed off. There is just way way way too much work for a nurse to do in LTC. This nurse, anyway. I hated not being able to stop to help a resident into the bathroom, but there just was no time.. the nurses who work in LTC are amazing to watch.. I just was not able to get to that point.. I miss the old folks, though.. But I had to quit... they were cutting staff, and I knew that if I stayed, I would just run out screaming...

Okay. I was let go from my hospital cardiac tele orientation and told by my preceptor to try LTC to get my basic nursing skills and meds knowledge down pat. HA! From what you've said, I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't, between a rock and a hard place, or just plain screwed. Is it just this forum, or is nursing really the pile of doo-doo it sounds like? I'm getting more depressed by the day. (Sorry for the crude language, but it could have been worse!)

It really sounds to me like almost all Nursing Jobs now are to the point they are almost impossible to accomplish without taking a major toll on the nurse's emotional and physical health. I really hope that someone can give me hope that there are areas of nursing that can be enjoyable and result in feeling like a success as a nurse. Perhaps these are not open to the average or new nurse, and only to the highly experienced and exceptionally talented. Yup, screwed on both accounts.

[Wise Woman RN]

I'm sure there are many good places to work, I see posts on here from people who are really happy with their jobs. I think it depends on the hospital culture, or even the LTC culture. There are some posts that I have read that make me want to say," Where ARE you, and can I come and work with you?" It's not all bad, there is a LOT of good in a lot of places.. Just keep your heart, and keep your head up.

I'm sure that you will find something that fits you and allows you to love where you work.. Hang in there.

Best,

Wise Woman RN

[Nurse SMS, MSN, RN]

I love where I work. I have been a nurse for eight months. There are good situations out there. They are just in high demand with low turnover.