I am a REALLY new RN (worked as a CNA for 2 years in a hospital, graduated nursing school, received RN license NOV 2010, took a break from school/work while NOT working in the field until now). I made the unfortunate mistake of taking a position at a completely unorganized, rushing-to-fill-many-positions, LTC facility (whose employees were on strike, I realize WHY now, after being there for three weeks!).... I had a 27 patient assignment thrown at me (despite me saying I was not comfortable being off orientation, yet) and as expected...it was an EPIC FAIL...
They took me off my assignment, sent me down to the Nursing Supervisor and she was ****** that I "agreed to go on my own and told everyone I was thrown under the bus". I never said I was "thrown under the bus"....I stated to others that I only had 3 days of orientation and bc I had never worked as an RN before, felt this was not enough...After I said my side (and unfortunately started crying bc I felt I just couldn't possibly be a nurse and still owe $70,000 for student loans....WTH was I to do now?!?!), she apologized, admitted that on that day, SHE "was short nurses and coerced me to take my own assignment". This led to an apology, a "story" of how she wants me to succeed and to the agreement of more orientation.
I made a HUGE mistake when I first began there. I was taught in nursing school, that once a patient is yours, you are responsible totally for that patient (things that need to be done on your shift and things that had not been completed that should have been)...this led me to taking "inventory" on the things that weren't completed and things that appeared were "signed off" despite the things not even being available for those patients. (I can only guess that the other nurses looked at me as a potential "whistle blower" to them and immediately put me on their **** list.)
By patients responses of "its a breath of fresh air to see someone like you here, are you staying for good?", I feel I was doing my part as an RN and actually taking the time with my patients to hear their concerns and make them feel cared for rather than like puppies getting treats thrown down their throats and off to the next one.
For 7 more days (not all in a row), I was assigned with different nurses, but between two different floors. The main nurse I was following, had just graduated herself and had been working there for approx. a month (she also was that particular Unit supervisors "favorite nurse"-quote exactly by Unit supervisor.) SO, I (for obvious reasons), had a TON of questions and asked those questions as I went along, while also attempting to take on my own assignment with another nurse "observing" me.
A few days went by and I was still unable to complete a med pass in a timely manner. I was told by the nursing supervisor that she would send someone to observe me to see what/where I was going wrong. That never happened. I was just sent with this "barely new nurse herself". I was told to only worry about your shift/duties, and by each person I followed-I was told something different on who to document on, I was shown to not do assessments (but at the end of the day, I was to chart on my CHF patients whom needed assessments!)...I copied exactly what the nurse was doing, assuming "if it works for her, that's how it's done"..aanntt, wrong!
The Unit supervisor reemed me out and reported it to the facility nursing supervisor...Being who I am, I took the responsibility and never said "well, that's how she does it so I figured that's how it's done"...
Over time I saw I was beginning to be black-marked for the same things I was being taught! Only, she was praised constantly for being a "great nurse" (which I see now as being a "sneaky McDoogle"-which I refuse to be), while I was being condemned for doing the same thing.
Long story short (well, shortened from actual 10 day orientation), I took the mindset of "just do better each day and eventually I'll get there". (I'm my hardest critic, so for me to say/see I was doing better, I actually had to be doing better).
So, day 10, I go speak with the Nursing Supervisor to talk to her about going on my own (as I felt although I wasn't 100% there, I could actually do an assignment soon on my own).. I sit and am asked "how are you doing?", I reply, "I feel I'm progressing". I get "well, that's not what I hear from the other girls." A bit taken back by this, I start rummaging through my mind, thinking over the last few days what I may have done that was so horrible that no one I've worked with has anything good to say besides the temporary nurses (now already flown back home as their assignments were over) who, when I first started, stated I'd be a great nurse and actually were there to answer my questions and discuss my concerns and give me suggestions from their 15 year nursing careers. I could remember a few things, but nothing that the other nurses weren't doing.
The conversation basically ended with "I just don't feel you have what it takes. I see that you're caring and compassionate, maybe you should try homecare, remember, you are still a nurse." As I still didn't feel I received the orientation I should have, I was being told basically that I suck as a nurse (or so that's how it sounded in my head!)...So it came to be that I was to be let go or I could resign, I chose to resign (as I didn't want the only experience I've received as an RN to be stamped "NOT A GOOD NURSE-FIRED".
So, is it just me or did I walk into an unstable scenario for a new grad nurse? And, am I the only person this kind of thing has happened to? (I forgot to mention, while there, I'd overheard that A LOT of nurses and CNA's would work a day or two and just never return). I'm not one to let some stranger tell me my Truth, MY Path, for I'm the only one who really knows me.
So I will again, begin the Job Search (ideally, I'd love to be in a teaching hospital, and although they all ask that an RN have at least one year of experience, I still apply with no call backs). Does anyone have any suggestions? Ideas? ANY feedback would be much appreciated!!
