Am I approaching this in the wrong way?

[raindrop]

This really sux that I have to make a post like this.

I am a rather soft-spoken person who has a large group of friends, but I am not into drama or cliques at ALL. I entered into a RN-BSN program last summer. The five others who are also enrolled were together for 6 months before I came along. Well let me tell you, they do not include me in on anything, they make snide remarks to me, roll their eyes, they never say hi, they all walk in/walk out/go on breaks together like they are in some pack, and sadly....anytime I give a presentation, I see one person send a text, and when she puts her phone down, another girls picks up her phone, types something, puts her phone down, then the other picks hers up...you get the pic. All of them are in their early to late 30's. They are also all on Facebook together.

I keep my distance, but I always remain nice. I say hi, I smile, I pay attention to when they present, etc. I do not sit in their turf, I don't go on breaks with them, I don't wait for them after class, did not friend them on facebook, etc. I have also turned quite submissive around them, I guess I fear being talked about/talked down to. I am thisclose to asking my doc for a tab of ativan to get me through my next presentation on the final day of the semester, but I hate the idea of medicating myself because of them.

Any advice?? I don't want to run to the instructor about any of this. I would feel way too childish.

[medicrn13]

The next time you notice them text messaging during your presentation, call them on it. It's rude and unprofessional and they should, as someone else stated, know better.

These are the type of people who know everything, just ask them, and feel they are above everyone else. Unfortunately, these are also the ones who end up being the crappiest nurses around.

Feel better in knowing that you will be a much better nurse on your own than they could ever accomplish in their little clique.

[nursel56]

Mid to late thirty year olds? Unbelievably immature behavior! Are you sure they're that age?!? I'm only half-kidding on that one. . .

If you've observed that these ladies are not people you care to befriend- all you need to do is be civil. If you want to try and break the ice, there are things you can do to reach out. Usually in a clique, there are one or two people who's consciences won't allow them to completely buy into the meangirl program- friendships with them might be worth cultivating.

I don't understand why the instructor doesn't have control over the classroom. It is unbelievably rude to text back and forth when someone is giving an oral presentation. WTH? If you feel the snide remarks and intimidation are compromising your educational goals, you just can't live and let live, and pursue the situation through whatever channels are available to you.

It won't be all that long before this is a distant memory, you'll move on, and they will still have to live with their own petty, shallow selves. I think in the long run, you will be far better off. Best wishs to you. :)

[CrazierThanYou]

What a bunch of witches. With capital B's!

[catshowlady]

I'm not excusing their behavior, but why do you care what these women think? You are there to earn your degree, not their approval. Focus on your actions, not theirs. If they don't want to pay attention to your presentation, it's their loss, not yours. You are just fine as a person - you don't need these people's attention to validate yourself!

You aren't going to change their behavior. Change your thinking.

:paw:

[aura_of_laura]

I disagree with most of the above posts. Peer relationships are important, and you need to not let this one fester. If you don't learn to defuse tough situations, you're going to get screwed in the long run. Nurses who avoid their peers because they don't like "the clique" will find themselves missing out on crucial information and peer support.

Talk to them. Confront them about their behavior and how it makes you feel. Express that you would like to form a congenial relationship with them, and invite them over for coffee or drinks. It may be uncomfortable, and maybe you truly don't care what they think, but you need to get out of your comfort zone.

Anywhere you go, there will be an established in-crowd - you will be doing yourself (and your peers) a huge favor if you can fix this problem. Consider it a homework assignment!

And to everyone else - stop belittling your female coworkers. You don't have to be best friends with everyone, but treat your peers with respect! By assuming that negative work environments are "just the way things are," and placing responsibility on the shoulders of the "back-stabbing *******" (read: anyone who doesn't love you), you're guaranteeing there will never be a solution.

[KaroSnowQueen, RN]

I have a one-liner from the first season of Burn Notice that I like to use, it applies to many situations, "You know spies...they're just a bunch of b*tchy little girls." Insert nurses or any other word for spies.

And they are behaving like the "mean girls" in high school. Brush them off and ignore them. They may be in their 30s but they obviously didn't get past senior year.

[scoutsmom]

Raindrop, maybe because I have survived Breast cancer, ( lymph node involemnt) I realize that life can change for someone so fast, I think you need to just let it go, all of it is so Jr high-ish forsure,!!! but move above it, get through it, and realize you are a better person!! I have learned to let go of things that use to really bother me, and just be glad to be here, and I'm not making light of it, i just wish the best for you.. and Good LUck!

[MC1906]

(Quotes from Aura's message)I disagree with most of the above posts. Peer relationships are important, and you need to not let this one fester. If you don't learn to defuse tough situations, you're going to get screwed in the long run. Nurses who avoid their peers because they don't like "the clique" will find themselves missing out on crucial information and peer support.

These classmates lack professional awareness and should know by now how to show respect. These kind of peers already are not showing support. Actually, nurses like these on the same unit might even let someone who is NOT in their little group, struggle with a patient/patient load and only help each other. This is an academic setting and the relationship will most likely end at the end of the semester/program.

Talk to them. Confront them about their behavior and how it makes you feel. Express that you would like to form a congenial relationship with them, and invite them over for coffee or drinks. It may be uncomfortable, and maybe you truly don't care what they think, but you need to get out of your comfort zone.

When you confront people, be prepared not to get the response that your looking for!

Anywhere you go, there will be an established in-crowd - you will be doing yourself (and your peers) a huge favor if you can fix this problem. Consider it a homework assignment!

The only homework she should do is to continue to focus on what she needs to do. This seems like more of a life learning lesson than a nursing lesson. I do not think it is worth the energy to try to fit into this type of group. Eventually the group will have its own internal problems and break down. Give it time..and besides they are showing their lack of professionalism and respect to the profession.

[Altra, BSN, RN]

I'd probably try one serious attempt at fostering better relations - maybe inviting them to dinner at your home or at a restaurant. If that doesn't change the tune ... well ... then you have to decide how much time you have in your life to worry about a situation that you can't change.

It is common for audiences at seminars, public meetings, concerts and other performances, and even religious congregations to be asked/reminded to turn off all cell phones and other devices. You could do the same at the beginning of your next presentation, since your instructor obviously doesn't have the cojones to do so.

I'm not a fan of the "cohort" current fad in adult education, as it often breeds exactly this atmosphere unless clear behavioral standards are defined and upheld, or coincidentally you happen to get a group of mature, motivated individuals.

Hang in there - you are more than strong enough to withstand 5 hours per week for a limited time. In the end, you can put their negative vibes behind you while you'll have the personal and career benefits of having earned your BSN.

cheering for you ...

:anpom:

[canoehead, BSN, RN]

"Before I begin, I'd like to ask everyone to turn off their cell phones."

"I'd like to take a moment and ask that you turn off your cell phones."

Repeat prn.

Your presentation my run a little long, but they asked for it, didn't they?