Am I alone or has no place in this so-called earth?

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Hi all! I just needed to vent. It is sort of related to nursing, but it is actually more than that. I feel so alone and has no place in earth. I recently just graduated last May, and I haven't taken my NCLEX yet. I am scheduled this October, so I am hoping to get my license. I failed my final exam during last semester, thankfully my GPA is high enough to let me pass the class and graduate. The reason I almost failed is because, a week or two before the finals I found out that my boyfriend for 8 years is cheating on me, got someone pregnant and he ended up marrying her. He was forced into marriage because it's a cultural thing I guess? Anyway, I was at lost and ended up not taking my NCLEX right away and also because my ATT came around August.

I am 23, turning 24 this November and I still live with my family. I should be on my own by now, but the situation is complexed. Trust me, I wanna get out of here as bad as they want me out. Aside from the fact that the economy is tough right now, I can't really work anywhere I want to. I came here in the United States when I was 15, and was under my parent's visa program. When they filed for the green card petition, I just turned 21 a few days so I ended up filing a student visa for myself. Knowing that I wasn't included in the green card petition, I was so devastated and even 'till now it's killing me everyday. I am on my OPT right now (work permit for a year, but only for nursing related profession and need to find anything related within 3 months, and if not I'll have to volunteer) and really cant find a job, and my parents are pressuring me real bad as if they're the only ones who has a working brain. I know it is impossible for me to find a nursing job, given the economy and my situation so I am so damn scared what's gonna happen to me by next year. I don't wanna work as a nursing aide, just because I don't wanna jeopardize myself and my patients because given the degree (and license soon), I'll be damned if I do and I don't working as an aide while having a nursing degree (and license hopefully). They don't understand that part, they just want me to have a job and start there and work my way up. I feel like I'll be selling my soul to the devil if I do because I know the risks, pros & cons of the situation.

Additionally, I have no means of intentionally over staying in the US and end up becoming undocumented. As much as possible, if given a chance, I really wanna stay because I am acculturated already and I love this country. If I have to go back, I'll be re-adjusting myself because I don't see myself 100% fit to that culture anymore, and also I really have nothing to go back there. I hate my mom for dragging me into this mess and then leaving me on my own. Also, I have no idea whether I am eligible for the CSPA (Child Protection Act Immigration Law) to appeal and be included in the green card petition because I was told that I am not included but when they filed for the petition my name was in the list. So, I asked my mom to schedule an appointment with an attorney so we have a definite answer regarding my situation, and she doesn't want to because of the legal consultation fees. I hated her more after that, because I feel like she doesn't care about me.

So, am I depress? Yes, very much. It's been going on for years and it seems there no end to it. I cry almost everyday, sometimes spontaneously. I feel so alone and the only one person I trusted and ever felt I had "home" is already gone and left me.

Anyway, sorry everyone if I posted this on the wrong forum and maybe if I shouldn't have at all. I just needed to get it out from my chest and vent somehow. I know non-nursing individuals wouldn't be able to understand, especially the nursing part because they only see the green stuff that comes along with it.

That's all and have a goodnight everyone!

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Specializes in LTC, Psych, Hospice.

**big hugs**

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Just out of curiosity, what country are you originally from?

And maybe I didn't understand this correctly, but if you do not find a nursing-related job in 3 months, you can still stay here if you volunteer in the nursing field? Is that what you meant? If that is true, then it is probably very possible for you to find a volunteer position in a nursing home or something. Also, as a last resort, I think you should take the CNA job if you need too. It's not permanent, just do it and then as soon as you find an RN position you can put in your notice. I would find a job immediately though, 3 months is not a long time!

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Urge you to reconsider working as a nursing assistant. Many people from overseas do this until they pass licensing exams, then they move up. You need to use your head and always be alert on the job. Best to keep your BSN education to yourself. No need for anyone else (except the people in HR or the DON) to know about this. Coworkers can be vicious, so don't tell them. Working as a CNA will get you started on the road to independence and will give you something to feel good about. Once you step outside of yourself and do something for others as well as yourself, your mood should improve. And you can come here to get things off your chest any time you please. Just be aware that you will get all kinds of responses, but that is better than keeping things all to yourself and getting deeper into that rut. Good luck getting yourself involved in something.

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Specializes in ED, OR, SAF, Corrections.

I don't know how you would feel about this - BUT - since you have already received your nursing degree, there is always the option of joining the military.

I work in a 'Tri-Service' (Army, Navy, Air Force) hospital. MANY, MANY of the nurses (and other types of workers) either started out from other countries (as non-US citizens) or are still not citizens. Being in the military is a 'fast-track' (for want of a better word) to becoming a US citizen. It puts you in a special category as gratitude for your serving this country in uniform.

I don't know if you have a BSN or an ASN - that would determine whether you would enter the service as enlisted or become a commissioned officer. The minimum to be commissioned for all active duty military services is the BSN. But if you have an ASN you'd have to start out enlisted and pretty much work as an LPN until (or if) you obtained your BSN (which they often pay for thru various programs). BUT, you'd have a job, guaranteed food and lodging (out of your parents house), a fast-track to citizenship, and serve the country you love and want to stay in.

If this sounds like something you'd be interested in, I'd suggest you look in the phone book for the nearest recruiting office and go and talk to them and see what they have to say. Go to ALL the different services, one may turn you down and another take you depending on the criteria they use for recruitment/retention or you may feel you like one over the other. They all have different missions and focuses, but nursing is nursing.

That's the only thing I can think of that helps. I feel bad for your situation and your unhappiness. It doesn't feel like it right now, but this too shall pass.

I hope everything works out for you. Good luck! :redbeathe

PS - you can also go over to the military nursing forum and pick their brains if you have additional questions a recruiter would have no idea about - they only know how to get you to sign up, they don't have a clue about the nursing aspect. The military nursing forum is over at Government and Military Nursing - Nursing for Nurses

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Specializes in ICU/CCU/Oncology/CSU/Managed Care/ Case Management.

Wow...My heart goes out to you. I know that pain about your ex-boyfriend. Yes, that hurts. Try to remove yourself from that and the thoughts of him. Do not keep in contact, that prolongs the pain. Your focus now must be on your job situation. Be grateful and thankful that you still live with your parents and they may be pressing you to find a job, but they are more than likely doing that for your well being and times are tough.

I also agree with the other posters. Take the CNA job, that will give you income. Congrats on graduating, but do not let pride get in the way of meeting your necessary needs now. The CNA position would just be temporary. Not permanent. Also another poster here gave you very good advice about keeping your degree quite, because yes coworkers can be very vicious.

Find the time to take care of you. I know you are under alot of pressure but once you adjust your focus and thinking there is some good that will come your way. I will definitely keep you uplifted in prayer and ask that God give you strength and guidance during this time.

Email me anytime!!:nurse:

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Good CNA skills are a must for nurses, Look at it as gaining experience in your future profession.

Don't dwell on the boyfriend, focus on you!!

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Why don't you want to be a CNA again?

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Why don't you want to be a CNA again?

Due to liability issues, and I don't think I'll be able to study with my upcoming boards.

Thanks everyone! I really appreciate it. I need A LOT of thinking to do.

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Liability comes when a supervisor tries to get a nurse who is working as a CNA to go above and beyond the job description for which they were hired. This will usually get one or both of them fired. You have to remind this supervisor that you can not do nursing tasks while employed as a CNA. And no one is going to shirk their responsibilities to report changes of condition or other important observations to the nurse if they are a good healthcare provider. Therefore liability is limited for an aware nurse who is working as a CNA. It generally is not a good idea for other reasons, but employers would rather see that someone made an effort to be employed in healthcare.

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First and foremost, let the hate and anger go. Granted, I would be very jaded if I were in your situation. But in the final analysis, it's not going to solve or fix your problem and it's only going to drain you. Insead, understand that it is up to you to make this happen.

Become an aide until you can find a nursing job. It's not ideal, but it's going to make you stronger in ways you can't even appreciate right now. If you want it bad enough, you will make the neccessary sacrifices.

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Your ex is a douche and good riddens. :hlk: You're way better off without him.

Do whatever you need to do to stay here. If you want it bad enough, you won't give up. You won't let anyone or anything get in your way. Listen to what caliotter3 is saying about liability issues. I know being an aide isn't "ideal" but neither is your current situation. Which do you prefer? It's your choice. It's your choice to stay in the current situation and hope things go your way, or take control of your situation and attempt to make it go your way.

Don't let how you "feel" get in the way of decisions. Emotion controlled decisions rarely pan out for the best. You need to focus on the facts and make it work.

I don't see why having a job would prevent you from studying, either. Plenty of people work full time and make it through school. Plenty of people work full time, have children, and still pass boards. Studying for boards isn't going to take up your entire life. There are 168 hours in a week. If you work 40 hours a week, that leaves 128 hours. If you sleep 8 hours per night, that leaves 72 hours to do what you need.

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