Hi all! I just needed to vent. It is sort of related to nursing, but it is actually more than that. I feel so alone and has no place in earth. I recently just graduated last May, and I haven't taken my NCLEX yet. I am scheduled this October, so I am hoping to get my license. I failed my final exam during last semester, thankfully my GPA is high enough to let me pass the class and graduate. The reason I almost failed is because, a week or two before the finals I found out that my boyfriend for 8 years is cheating on me, got someone pregnant and he ended up marrying her. He was forced into marriage because it's a cultural thing I guess? Anyway, I was at lost and ended up not taking my NCLEX right away and also because my ATT came around August.
I am 23, turning 24 this November and I still live with my family. I should be on my own by now, but the situation is complexed. Trust me, I wanna get out of here as bad as they want me out. Aside from the fact that the economy is tough right now, I can't really work anywhere I want to. I came here in the United States when I was 15, and was under my parent's visa program. When they filed for the green card petition, I just turned 21 a few days so I ended up filing a student visa for myself. Knowing that I wasn't included in the green card petition, I was so devastated and even 'till now it's killing me everyday. I am on my OPT right now (work permit for a year, but only for nursing related profession and need to find anything related within 3 months, and if not I'll have to volunteer) and really cant find a job, and my parents are pressuring me real bad as if they're the only ones who has a working brain. I know it is impossible for me to find a nursing job, given the economy and my situation so I am so damn scared what's gonna happen to me by next year. I don't wanna work as a nursing aide, just because I don't wanna jeopardize myself and my patients because given the degree (and license soon), I'll be damned if I do and I don't working as an aide while having a nursing degree (and license hopefully). They don't understand that part, they just want me to have a job and start there and work my way up. I feel like I'll be selling my soul to the devil if I do because I know the risks, pros & cons of the situation.
Additionally, I have no means of intentionally over staying in the US and end up becoming undocumented. As much as possible, if given a chance, I really wanna stay because I am acculturated already and I love this country. If I have to go back, I'll be re-adjusting myself because I don't see myself 100% fit to that culture anymore, and also I really have nothing to go back there. I hate my mom for dragging me into this mess and then leaving me on my own. Also, I have no idea whether I am eligible for the CSPA (Child Protection Act Immigration Law) to appeal and be included in the green card petition because I was told that I am not included but when they filed for the petition my name was in the list. So, I asked my mom to schedule an appointment with an attorney so we have a definite answer regarding my situation, and she doesn't want to because of the legal consultation fees. I hated her more after that, because I feel like she doesn't care about me.
So, am I depress? Yes, very much. It's been going on for years and it seems there no end to it. I cry almost everyday, sometimes spontaneously. I feel so alone and the only one person I trusted and ever felt I had "home" is already gone and left me.
Anyway, sorry everyone if I posted this on the wrong forum and maybe if I shouldn't have at all. I just needed to get it out from my chest and vent somehow. I know non-nursing individuals wouldn't be able to understand, especially the nursing part because they only see the green stuff that comes along with it.
That's all and have a goodnight everyone!