Adoption Issues

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I understand that adoption is an issue that L&D nurses must deal with. How frequently does a patient come into the hospital planning on placing a baby for adoption, but end up leaving with their newborn, compared to someone planning to place their baby and going through with ithe placement?

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I've only seen it three times in the past 9 years. The last two were within the past year. I'm not saying it doesn't happen more, just that I have only actually been involved in three.

On the other hand many times I have had birth moms who I was sure would change their mind...had baby in the room every possible minute...really seemed to be bonding...but they still signed the papers when the time came. I can't even begin to imagine what a tough decision it must be for these women.

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I've only seen one birth mother back out of an adoption and she was completely coerced into it. All the others I have seen went through with their original plan to place the baby.

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I think counseling is better now. Open adoption is more accepted. Most of the ladies I have cared for carry out with their plans.

I also think helping them create a memory helps as well. We encourage the relinquishing mom to hold the baby and get pictures. If they want to participate in the baby's care we let them.

We also do grief counseling with them, check on them and send cards in a similar manner to those families with IUFD's.

Back "in the old days" the baby was whisked away from mom. She might have gotten to see the baby but couldn't hold or care for it.

Often our moms come in with the adoptive parents so it is a very different experience than when I was a younger RN.

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I think the whole process of letting the birth mother interact with the baby is a grave injustice to the adoptive parents!:angryfire :angryfire :angryfire My wife and I had been trying to have children for 12 years when we decided to adopt, and the hosptial had this practice of "Creating Memories". We took our daughter home and 18 MONTHS later, the sheriff showed up with papers taking OUR baby from us to give to the birth mother!:angryfire :angryfire :angryfire :angryfire :angryfire :angryfire YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE HELL WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH BECAUSE OF THIS PRACTICE

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I think the whole process of letting the birth mother interact with the baby is a grave injustice to the adoptive parents!:angryfire :angryfire :angryfire My wife and I had been trying to have children for 12 years when we decided to adopt, and the hosptial had this practice of "Creating Memories". We took our daughter home and 18 MONTHS later, the sheriff showed up with papers taking OUR baby from us to give to the birth mother!:angryfire :angryfire :angryfire :angryfire :angryfire :angryfire YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE HELL WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH BECAUSE OF THIS PRACTICE

I feel deep sympathy for your loss and your child. I am adopted and can't imagine my family being broken up. But, you can not say that this happened to you because the birth mother had the chance to hold the baby before giving him/her up. And by the way, we have no say in whether or not the birth mother is "allowed" to interact with the baby. Until the adoption goes through, it's still her baby and she has the same rights as any other mother in the hospital. My birth mother interacted with me and she said that being able to say goodbye was important for her. She never contested my adoption and even now knows her role in my life is not as my parent. Again, I am very sorry for your loss.

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Specializes in Gerontological Nursing, Acute Rehab.
I think the whole process of letting the birth mother interact with the baby is a grave injustice to the adoptive parents!:angryfire :angryfire :angryfire My wife and I had been trying to have children for 12 years when we decided to adopt, and the hosptial had this practice of "Creating Memories". We took our daughter home and 18 MONTHS later, the sheriff showed up with papers taking OUR baby from us to give to the birth mother!:angryfire :angryfire :angryfire :angryfire :angryfire :angryfire YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE HELL WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH BECAUSE OF THIS PRACTICE

WHOA WHOA WHOA!!!! I am really sorry for what you had to go through, but speaking as a birth mother, I have to tell you that obviously there was something wrong with your adoption because the ONLY way she could have taken her baby back was if her rights were never formally terminated! I had my rights as a birth mother terminated in court 8 weeks after I had given birth, and the judge made it perfectly clear to me that after signing that paper, I was reliquishing every and all rights to my daughter. The adoptive parents were also aware that at any time during those 8 weeks I could request to have my daughter brought back to me. As I said, I'm sorry for what you went through, but there was obviously a glitch somewhere in the whole adoption process, and it had NOTHING to do with the birthmother having her baby with her in the hospital!

Just to give you an idea of what I went through.....I had my baby the whole time with me while we were in the hospital. I fed her, changed her, bathed her. I wouldn't let her stay in the nursery unless absolutely necessary. I talked to her, sang to her, kissed her and loved her every way I could during those precious few days. I NEVER wanted her to feel unloved or unwanted. I wanted her to go from my loving arms to her mother's. Do you have any idea how important those pictures were and are to me? Do you know how many days I cried holding her receiveing blanket and smelling her scent? Do you know that I went away to college 4 weeks after giving birth, and I carried those momentoes between college and home because I was deathly afraid of a fire starting and I'd lose what little memories I had of my daughter? Do YOU realize that I cried EVERY DAY for 3 full months, before I finally began to heal? And, most importantly, do you realize that even though I had those things, I STILL gave up my rights to my daughter.

I am truly sorry for what you went through, but you are totally out of line to blame what happened to you and your wife on the hospital and their practice of giving birthmom's something to hold on to while going through the most difficult thing in their lives. Please, place the blame where it belongs, and that's on whoever didn't make sure the birthmoms rights were terminated at the beginning.

Despite my rant, I do wish you and your wife peace in the future.

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Specializes in Neuro/Med-Surg/Oncology.

:yeahthat:

The birthmother seeing and spending time with the baby and the adoption not going through are two separate issues. You have to consider what these women are going through too. They're human beings, not incubators with heartbeats. And they're giving you their babies! I am very sorry for your loss, but keep in mind the adoptive families aren't the only ones affected by these procedures.

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WHOA WHOA WHOA!!!! I am really sorry for what you had to go through, but speaking as a birth mother, I have to tell you that obviously there was something wrong with your adoption because the ONLY way she could have taken her baby back was if her rights were never formally terminated! I had my rights as a birth mother terminated in court 8 weeks after I had given birth, and the judge made it perfectly clear to me that after signing that paper, I was reliquishing every and all rights to my daughter. The adoptive parents were also aware that at any time during those 8 weeks I could request to have my daughter brought back to me. As I said, I'm sorry for what you went through, but there was obviously a glitch somewhere in the whole adoption process, and it had NOTHING to do with the birthmother having her baby with her in the hospital!

Just to give you an idea of what I went through.....I had my baby the whole time with me while we were in the hospital. I fed her, changed her, bathed her. I wouldn't let her stay in the nursery unless absolutely necessary. I talked to her, sang to her, kissed her and loved her every way I could during those precious few days. I NEVER wanted her to feel unloved or unwanted. I wanted her to go from my loving arms to her mother's. Do you have any idea how important those pictures were and are to me? Do you know how many days I cried holding her receiveing blanket and smelling her scent? Do you know that I went away to college 4 weeks after giving birth, and I carried those momentoes between college and home because I was deathly afraid of a fire starting and I'd lose what little memories I had of my daughter? Do YOU realize that I cried EVERY DAY for 3 full months, before I finally began to heal? And, most importantly, do you realize that even though I had those things, I STILL gave up my rights to my daughter.

I am truly sorry for what you went through, but you are totally out of line to blame what happened to you and your wife on the hospital and their practice of giving birthmom's something to hold on to while going through the most difficult thing in their lives. Please, place the blame where it belongs, and that's on whoever didn't make sure the birthmoms rights were terminated at the beginning.

Despite my rant, I do wish you and your wife peace in the future.

I just wanted to chime in here and give you a huge (((((((hug))))) Thank g-d for birthmoms!!!!!

I speak with my daughter's birthmom at least once or twice a month. We are in an open adoption plan. There is no way that she could ever change her mind and take the baby back. Her rights were irrevocably terminated well before we took our daghter home.

The beauty behind having an open adoption is that we are two moms who can openly share our love & dedication to one beautiful little girl.

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"Letting" them? They are giving you their child. Sorry you had a bad experience but there are other options out there.

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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

18 months later---there ought be a law against that. Sorry, the kid is BONDED and IN A FAMILY NOW...the ONLY family he/she has ever known. I feel this is a grave injustice for that CHILD and her family.

Now, having birth moms interact, that is their RIGHT------I agree w/jkaee and the above who say this is their right. It's never an easy decision, to let a child go, no matter the circumstance. We need to respect and honor such women who make such unselfish and brave choices. And I do. I thank such people from the bottom of my heart. They are heroes in my mind.

Now as to the original topic? I have only seen ONE mom in 8 years who changed her mind----it was the day after she gave birth. Fortunately, the child had not been placed yet (can you believe that). So it turned out well. Her family was most happy----they were distraught over the thought of the child leaving the family and the mom/baby had excellent family support, so I felt good about mom's decision. Not that what I felt really mattered-----it was her legal and moral right to do what she wanted.

I am sorry Bama, about what you endured. It's a crime, really. It's why adopting is so scary a thought for me. I want another child, and have endured quite a few losses in the past 4 years. I consider adoption and see stories like this (my cousin lost a newborn 2 weeks after taking her home due to mom changing her mind) and I pull back. To endure yet another loss is overwhelming to my mind. I just can't do it. Perhaps overseas adoption may be for us----we are mulling this over.

I see both sides. I have to thank the birth mothers who make this decision---and the loving families who take these babies and give them a wonderful home. I just wish laws were "tighter" and all agencies above-board. Dont' we all?

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Have any of you dealt with surrogacy? Might be another thing to "prepare" for. I think that can get ugly more so than adoptions.

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