ADIOS ANESTHESIA

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I am grieving the loss of my chosen profession. I really thought becoming a CRNA was what I was meant to do. I became a nurse to become a CRNA. I prayed, applied one last time and was rejected. While in school I loved clinical and looked forward to the early rise & long days in the OR for clinical. I NEVER looked at my watch wondering, "when is this case going to end?" I had a great GPA and great clinical reviews. As a christian, I have put this in GOD's hands, prayed for his will, and I guess being a CRNA is not what he wants me to do with my life.

I sometimes wish I had never gotten in or learned of the profession so I would not miss it so much. Now with 120K debt, all these anesthesia textbooks, and a job I do not like, I am really having a hard time letting go. I do not think I am meant to be a critical nurse because I so unhappy while at work. I am just praying for GOD to direct me

to whatever it is I am supposed to do. Anyone looking for anesthesia texts?

Specializes in Anesthesia.

I have a hard time believing with 100+ nurse anesthesia programs across the country that with a good GPA/clinical skills that you have tried that hard to get back into school.

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ZooKeeper wrote:

"did you purchase CRNA books before being accepted to the program thinking you would get in?" Uh, No. WHY would I do that?!

"Critical care is the hardest, it's only us and no where else to go. Some areas is an eat each other up and I'm one ahead of you game because it's so competitive. Being an ICU nurse in cardiac surgery is NOOOOO comparison to the depth of the responsibility of the CRNA." NOOOOOO SH&T!

"The CRNA is over the surgeon, can cancel the case, stop the surgery and has the final say until report is given to the receiving nurse, it's a tremendous responsibility". "again, you have told me nothing I do not already know

"I'm sorry you failed, but your post is very unclear as how we can help you, please explain further." "I do not consider it a failure, it has undoubtedly made me a much better nurse, I having a hard time discerning my will from GOD's will. I am frustrated and not sure what direction to take. i.e stay in a job indefinitely that I do not like to keep my ICU experience "current" or find another career that will be equally fulfilling

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Here's a little story I heard a long time ago. There are several variations, so I'll just do the best sounding one.

One day, there was a terrible hurricane. The river near this fellow's house starting rising, so he went onto the porch. While watching the waters continue to rise, some of his neighbors walked by in waders and offered to help him to safety.

"No" he replied. "I'll leave it up to God". They left.

The water continued to rise, so the man got on his roof. Moments later, a boat comes around, and offers to carry him to safety. He declines, stating "I am trusting in God".

Eventually, the water rose so high, that the man was forced to stand on top of his chimney. When the water was up to his chin, a helicopter came by and lowered a rope. He ignores it, believing that God will help him through this situation.

He soon drowns, and is able to ask God in person why he didn't help him. God tells him that he sent the mans neighbors, a boat, and a helicopter.

So here's my point. It's fine and dandy to say that you left it up to God, and since you failed, then it must be God's will that you do something else. I find that to be a self serving and pitiful excuse. God gave you the tools to do it; it's up to you to use them to get the job done.

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ZooKeeper wrote:

"did you purchase CRNA books before being accepted to the program thinking you would get in?" Uh, No. WHY would I do that?!

"Critical care is the hardest, it's only us and no where else to go. Some areas is an eat each other up and I'm one ahead of you game because it's so competitive. Being an ICU nurse in cardiac surgery is NOOOOO comparison to the depth of the responsibility of the CRNA." NOOOOOO s***!

"The CRNA is over the surgeon, can cancel the case, stop the surgery and has the final say until report is given to the receiving nurse, it's a tremendous responsibility". "again, you have told me nothing I do not already know

"I'm sorry you failed, but your post is very unclear as how we can help you, please explain further." "I do not consider it a failure, it has undoubtedly made me a much better nurse, I having a hard time discerning my will from GOD's will. I am frustrated and not sure what direction to take. i.e stay in a job indefinitely that I do not like to keep my ICU experience "current" or find another career that will be equally fulfilling

From this post, answers about why not in CRNA school pretty clear.

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Specializes in CRNA, Finally retired.

To amend my previous post - try psych nursing. Didn't mean to press that quick reply button so fast. Maybe you're just a "big issue" kind of person. Most of us in anesthesia are pretty concrete, deductive reasoners who deal well with the problem immediately in front of us. You won't be the first person to realize they've made a mistake in career path. My personal belief is that many get addicted to chemicals because they can't give themselves permission to walk away from a very expensive education. Any kind of knowledge is NEVER a waste. You obviously have the discipline to excel. You're going to have to make the break and and probably can make a fit into another kind of nursing. God's not gonna do that for you - YOU have to walk into something else.

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Just my two cents, but I think you really should consider speaking with program directors or admissions committees for the programs that rejected your recent applications. Find out what would make you a more attractive applicant. If you receive consistent replies that they can't get past your history, then consider that this is likely God's will. I'm not clear on how many schools and how many years your recent applications entail. If it's only a couple of years, maybe further attempts would convince them that you're serious and passionate about anesthesia despite your history. Or maybe they assume that you are still at risk of your personal life interfering with your ability to complete a program. If you can show concrete evidence that your personal life has 'settled down' or that you have safety mechanisms in place to prevent interference with anesthesia school, that may make all the difference. We all need those safety mechanisms because, as I've said before, horrific things or life-changing events happen on a regular basis to people in anesthesia school. Admissions committees need to know that if it happens again to you that it will absolutely not interfere with you starting and completing a program.

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Specializes in Anesthesia.

This will not be a popular post, but I am compelled to write it. There is probably a "back story" that you have chosen not to share with us. Having been a CRNA and educator for many years, I have seen many people who did not have the personality, the attitude, the personal attributes or whatever to be a CRNA. It really is that "other" factor and not related to grades or technical skills. The ones that slip through the cracks and get in school and graduate are frequently unhappy and/or unsafe practitioners. Only you know the truth and I expect you will own up to it at some time.

While I love being a CRNA and my profession, I am very concerned that only the best, the brightest and the most emotionally stable enter the profession. A patient's life may depend on it.

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adios to you and please go with God.......I wish you the best, but working as a nurse in anesthesia is not for everyone.

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Specializes in coronary and surgical ICU.

Spode,

I think I understand. I worked for more than 5 years in critical care and was accepted to anesthesia school, a plan I had since before nursing school. I entered an anesthesia program in good faith that the program would hold the same values, that the school had always espoused and stand by what was expressed in the admission interview, as far as provision of clinical sites, many of which would be nearby and onsite simulation experiences prior to starting in the OR. I was there 14 months and had to quit, it was just too much. During the program my widowed elderly mother became ill to the point that she couldn't care for herself and I was having to drive 5 hours a day for clinicals in the O.R. or find the money to pay 268 dollars a week for a motel, in another state and find someone to care for my Mom. Empathy appeared to be totally lacking, when these unforseen monetary expenses(because a close clinical site would not be provided) were explained the program administrators acted like money grew on trees. When approached with my unforseen dilemma, my advisor shushed me like a child, and wouldn't even allow me to explain. When I asked about a clinical site nearby the director said, "You choose to live where you live". All of this, while I watched nearby clinical positions given to others, who had a much stronger support system. The attitudes and personalities I encountered were beyond anything I had ever experienced in nursing. The clinical preceptors appeared to be of the same mindset.

The answer was simple, I had made the wrong decision, at the wrong time and to the wrong program. It just wasn't clear because everything just seemed to fall right into place when I applied to the program. I don't regret it because I now have 5 classes toward my NP, if I choose to go back and I think every bad experience only makes us stronger and better people. God has wonderful plans for each of us, we just have to let Him lead.

If you want to go back and it is in God's will for you to return, He will give you the strength and courage to get back at it. :o) Thanks for the textbook offer but my library is full and yours will be too, if or when you return.

God Bless you

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Specializes in coronary and surgical ICU.

Spode,

Just a few thoughts and observations on anesthesia school:

First, if you have children, I would definitely thoroughly research the program, especially where their clinical sites are located. I wouldn't take one program administrator's word for it (remember school's need and want tuition dollars). Talk with former students, who had families and are currently working as CRNA's that way they won't feel obligated to "sugar coat" because they are in school.

The successful SRNA's appear to be the ones that are single without any family obligations or those with a very supportive spouse/significant other/parents. Yes, many had children while in the program but they had full-time working supportive spouses/ significant others/and or parents and grandparents (many spouses were already CRNA's) that assisted them financially and emotionally. As for those that divorced during their programs, if they didn't have children, there is no guarantee that they saw it as a tragedy. It might have been emotionally and financially therapeutic for them, it is for them to know.

I think, if it is something you really want then keeping your ICU work up to date, while working on your CCRN, if you haven't done that is imperative. Also, working on your MSN/NP part time while working in ICU is a good plan. Many think this is a waste of time but that way you will have the NP classes that anesthesia requires behind you and you can work as a NP for a while to pay down your debt. When you go back the anesthesia entrance committee will see you have really put some work in and you won't have to take those NP classes with the others.

Also, attempt to work at the University's hospital so you can get to know the CRNA's, Anesthesiologists, and surgeons. As someone said, anesthesia providers are close knit, providers and program administrators.

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I am wondering why god made you withdraw form the program you were in? And why is god denying you your dream? I think you need to pray some more.

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Specializes in ICU.

Give thanks hit the nail on the head! It is very difficult without family support. I had support but the month I started my program, my husband lost his job. He was supposed to be the one carrying us while we went thru this, I should have withdrawn but thought we could make it. It was too much( it took him 18 months to find a minimum wage job) and my grades suffered from it, I got through my depression just the past month and I'm moving onward and upward. For those going in, I pray for you it will be the hardest thing you do in your life. And to quote Spode " adios anesthesia" :)

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