Adderall addiction

[wondergirl22]

I am new to this site, this is my first post. I have been desperately searching the web for forums with people who might be able to relate to the despair that I am feeling right now. I am in my 30s and have been an ER nurse for three years, I started in the ER fresh out of nursing school. In school, I was in a very competive nursing program, most of my classmates wanted to get jobs in critical care after graduation. I have always been a high acheiver and push myself as hard as I can to reach my goals. I suddenly found I was having a difficult time focusing in my classes. I had always been a daydreamer but it had never seemed to matter much before. I had been seeing a psychiatrist for years, I had suffered from depression and anxiety since my teens. I was already taking antidepressants but expressed to my doctor that I was having a very difficult time focusing in school. He prescribed Adderall as needed, he informed me that the med was addictive, I didnt think much of it at the time...

It has now been four years since I took my first adderall. Since I began taking it in nursing school, I cannot even imagine being a nurse and not taking it. I have never worked a day as a nurse when I have not been on Adderall. I have tried to start my shifts without taking it and I only make it a few hours until I find myself having to pop another pill. When I don't take it, my mind is foggy and I find myself moving slowly and having difficulty calculating med dosages. I work in a busy ER and I have to be on my toes all the time, I have to think quickly and move quickly, my patient's lives depend on it. I cannot afford to have a slow and foggy mind because if I make a mistake I can kill someone.

I started to find myself very lethargic and unmotivated on my days off from work, so I started to take the Adderall on those days, too. As with any drug, I find myself having to take more of it to get the same effect as before and even then, the effect does not last long. When it wears off I feel moody and immediately want to take more. Now I spend more time coming off of the drug than I do feeling the "good" effects of it. I am living my life from one pill to the next. My doctor continues to prescribe it because he doesnt know that I am feeling this way. I do not tell him because I am terrified he will stop prescribing it and then I would not be able to function at work.

I love my job and I dont want to lose it. Nobody at work knows that I take Adderall. I am sickened that I let this happen to me, knowing that this med was so addictive. I feel so alone and lost right now. I worked so hard to get to where I am in my career, but maybe that is because the adderall gave me the confidence to get to where I am. My entire life I have always been introverted, a bit of a loner that would keep to myself. I was very shy as a child (and as an adult) and was never comfortable meeting new people. When I started taking Adderall I noticed that it was much easier to talk to people. Not only did this drug make me happy and focused, I was able to be more social and engage people in conversation.

I would love to hear from anyone that can possibly relate to this and any advice you might have. Please no criticism, I am hard enough on myself about this, I dont need anyone else to be.

Thank you for listening....

[SuperStarRN]

If you feel like something is not right then go with your gut, talk to your prescribing doc about it, get a second opinion. I am concerned that some of the responses here are sending the wrong message. Things like, (and I am paraphrasing) "don't worry about it because it is PRESCRIBED to you" or "you don't have a problem because it has the same effect on me too." If you think that your usage has gotten out of hand talk to a licensed professional.

[scoopalaRN86]

Wondergirl22,

Hi, I came across your post and feel for you completely. Your story reads exactly like mine and feel it is important to say that you are not alone. Last month, I took a medical leave from my job (I also work as a nurse in an Emergency Dept) to enter an inpatient drug treatment facility for Rx Adderall dependence. It was the scariest and best decision I've ever made.

Looking back, I know I never could have gotten off this drug by myself. The withdrawal symptoms were very uncomfortable (primarily, the physical exhaustion) but being in a tx facility made the withdrawal much less uncomfortable. I was in tx for 28 days and after the 2 week mark, physically I began to feel normal. I still encounter occasional bouts of mental fogginess, but life off of Adderall in addition to receiving support form the recovery community is WONDERFUL! I honestly can say that I didn't think that possible 1 month ago.

It seems like you realize that your Adderall use is unhealthy and recognize that stopping your use will be a difficult task on your own...I truly hope that you will make the right decision for you and trust your feelings. It takes a strong and courageous person to admit she needs help!

Best,

scoopalaRN86

[aTOMicTom]

It is worth stopping just so you don't have to deal with the pain-in-the-ass pharmacists. Oooooh, schedule 2! Call the security guards!

Yes, you can stop taking it and feel normal again. I was prescribed 20mg tid for years, then borderline high BP caused me to look objectively at it last year and I stopped (with my MD's guidance of course). Took a week and I was back to normal. Now I think I am actually calmer and less anxious in social situations, but my wife sees no difference. I think I sweat less, and sleep better (now that I think about it I've slept through the night since I quit). Did gain some weight, sorry to have to tell you. Not a lot, though, plus I'm old (50) so...

what doses were / are you guys taking?

[HunnieBadger]

There are many other options for ADHD meds out there. Adderall is just one of them. Just my OPINION it does sound like the OP is abusing her Rx. I think there have been a great many suggestions made on what the OP could do and the best option would be detox. I personally would not trust my employers EAP, and would word it very carefully if approaching my doctor about this problem. Remember they are obligated to turn you into the BoN id they suspect anything close to addiction. The best thing would be to find a tx center yourself and enter it voluntarily. Take a LOA from work and get better, its nobody's business why you're not at work! Once you have both feet on the ground return to work drug free! You talk about being foggy and making a mistake and killing someone, you're just as capable of that in the meds. Best of luck and i hope you get the help you need before its too late!

[TXRN2]

@Hunniebadger: how's your new job going?

[celesteanne]

I've suffered from garden variety depression for most of my adult life. It manifests as lethargy, sluggishness and mental 'fogginess'. This is how I know if my anti-depressant isn't working anymore. I've had to change the med a couple of times when it stopped working. I'm not making any diagnoses here and I don't know what one should feel like on the days one doesn't take Adderall, but it doesn't seem right that one would be so extremely lethargic and foggy feeling. You might very well be addicted to Adderall, but you also might be experiencing increased depressive symptoms. This is something to discuss with your doctor and find out if there is a way you can cut back on the Adderall without feeling like you are a danger to your patients. I see no reason to alert the BoN unless some illegal activity is involved.

[HunnieBadger]

TX...My official start date is next week. Had to get all the stuff for the BoN completed before i could actually begin! I'll keep y'all posted :)

[TXRN2]

@Hunnie- can't wait to hear about it!!

[SNB1014, RN]

Don't slam me for this, BUT I thought I was having the Same issues. Are u taking adderall xr or short acting? The short acting was like catnip for me. Dangerous.

The xr was good for a long time but I felt significant highs and lows when the drug was " kicking in" and " wearing off". The days I didn't take it I was a lump on my couch.

What worked for me was switching to vyvanse. I don't feel the highs and lows and I don't crave it. I do take it to actually focus and get things done on my home and work days. Switching meds helped me a lot.

[eMacs]

Completely agree...

[eMacs]

Completely agree with Lucky... People seem not to be able to reason for themselves.. I don't think one perfect brain exists.. We are all screwed up in one way or another ... And we need to help ourselves in order to function

[TerpGal02, ASN]

Sounds like the OP is certainly concerned about her medication and she has every right to be if she feels she has a problem. Coming from a psych pt perspective myself, I kind of take a different tack. She may or may not he abusing the Adderall, we just don't have all the info. Did the doc only rx her one dose of the immediate release a day? If so that doesn't cut the mustard. It's usually takes twice per day for proper ADHD control, that's even IF she has ADHD at all. Depression can certainly manifest all sortsof cognitive weirdness, brain fog, etc. If she hasn't seen a psychiatrist and gotten a full workup, that would be my first order of business.

Stimulants and benzos get a bad rap because they can be used as drugs of abuse. There is a difference between addiction and dependence. If you are using these drugs as prescribed to treat your condition, you are GOING to become physically dependant on them. That's just a fact. There's a difference between taking your Adderall to treat your ADHD and taking it outside parameters and looking for a high. That's addiction. There are reasons ANY psychotropic drugs come with warnings not to stop them suddenly, or you go into withdrawal. With all your other anti depressants, mood stabilizers, withdrawal is given the more innocuous label of "discontinuation syndrome". But let's not mince words, its withdrawal and can be just as bad if not worse than coming off of anything else (except heavy abusive benzo abuse-that withdrawal can be fatal if not properly managed). Don't believe me? Ask anyone who has tried to taper off of Effexor.