Accidental Pregnancy

[m2038]

Hi all,

I want to share that I am looking for advice, not asking to be shamed.

I am a young nursing student and recently found out I am pregnant. I do not know what to do. I'm very scared and nervous. I feel overwhelmed and alone and I know the ultimate decision all comes down to me. I will be due around graduation, if I choose to keep it. My last semester or nursing school is my capstone semester which would make the pregnancy a little easier, I think. The only problem with this is finding a job while also following the nurse's schedule during capstone. I want to be able to provide for the baby when it comes into this world, but I'm afraid I won't be able to. I don't want to bring it into this world and then not be able to give it what it needs, but I also don't want to abort it because I'm already so attached and I know I would fall into a deep depression. I feel selfish for wanting to keep it, but I'm so scared to abort it.

I am enrolled in school full-time and work part-time as a PCA.

I've been with my significant other for 4.5 years. He feels the same way as I do. He says he would take next semester off (even though he is graduating as well) so he could work full-time and prepare for it and just be able to provide for us. But I don't want to strip away his dreams of graduating and being done with school. I feel like it's unfair to him if I keep it. But I feel like it's unfair to me if I get rid of it. I also feel as though I would resent him. We had our lives planned out, and this wasn't supposed to happen until after graduation, obtaining careers, traveling, and marriage.

Our parents don't know about it yet and I don't want to disappoint my parents. I am the first child to go to college, and I know this isn't what they expected or sent me to college for. Since my family is religious, I feel like I lose either way... If I abort it, it's against God's plan, but if I keep it, I had premarital sex, ruined my life, disappointed them, and yattayattayatta.

If I choose to keep it, I would move back to my hometown which is two hours away--not sure if I would move back in with Mom and Dad-- because that is where my capstone location would be. I would have to find a new job for the summer, and hope it works out during the fall semester. If I choose to abort it, I just don't know.

I'm just looking for advice or 'what would you do if you were in my shoes'. Not asking to be shamed for getting pregnant or thinking about an abortion. Thanks for reading.

[ProperlySeasoned]

In some ways, the timing is ideal. You could have the baby, graduate, take the NCLEX, and then take the time you want/need prior to the job search. Will starting your career be easier without a child? Of course. But nursing is dominated by females of child bearing age. There are plenty that have found a way to be a nurse and a parent.

I am a parent, and I have "plans" for my kids. But my love for them suprecedes any expectations, I know that ultimately they will live their own lives and make their own choices.

[KelRN215, BSN, RN]

I'm guessing you are graduating in December. At the hospital I worked at, the only new grad program for winter grads started in March so if you find something like that, it would be possible for you to graduate, give birth, have the equivalent of a maternity leave and then start working a few months later. When I graduated from nursing school, I chose to not start working until September even though I graduated in May and there was the option to start in July because I wanted a final summer.

Only you know what is the right decision for you. What any of us on this message board would do is irrelevant. I encourage you to speak to a counselor or the women's resource center (if there is such a thing) at your school.

[Cara_SN]

Speaking from experience....I had my first when I was 19, not too far out of HS. I was very against abortion and I suffered a miscarriage a few months prior and could not handle another loss. I knew it was going to be difficult, but the thought of having an abortion was just unbareable! I went to college, had difficulty finding sitters, took a break, went back when my daughter started kindergarten....then, as life has it, I got may associates from community college and applied to a top rated 4-year nursing college, got accepted and found out I was pregnant with my second during sophmore year. Again, I was faced with a swarm of uncertainties and fear. I thought my life was over, cried A LOT, but knew I could never face myself if I ended the pregnancy. My bf was a HUGE support and so was my family. I took a semester off from nursing classes, and breastfed my daughter for 18 months. I was able to pump at clinical to have the milk for her when I went back. Long story short, if you want it bad enough or feel strongly enough about it, you WILL work it out!! Life may not be perfect and honestly, it might never be. Don't make your decisions based on what society says is right. It doesnt matter how old you are or if you are married, someone is always going to have something to say about your age or how many children you choose to have. DO WHAT FEELS RIGHT TO YOU!! and I promise, the struggle may be real, you may sometimes wish things didn't happen the way they did, but you will NEVER regret your child!

[Ilargia99, LVN, RN]

Only do what you think is right for YOU as You are the one who has to live your life, not anyone else. I'm sure you're already being bombarded with awful messages from people who claim to be nurses, although one has to wonder what kind of a nurse pushes their personal beliefs onto others.

In the end it's your body and your choice to make and no one should try to make you feel bad in whatever decision you make.

I wish you luck.

[Phonev]

I have been is a situation of accidental pregnancy as well.

I got pregnant and was due to give birth in March 2015. I would have been graduating in April 2017.

I had a very hard time deciding whether to keep the baby or have an abortion.

I was in the country alone, the person I got pregnant from lived in a different country. I booked an abortion appointment but never went.

My child is now three years old. The person I got pregnant from moved to the country where I live when my son was two months old.(in June 2015).

I managed to graduate, finish all my clinicals while pregnant and finish school with a small baby. Everyone(classmates, instructors) was very supportive.

My mother came and stayed for a month when my child was just born to help me finish the semester.

I never regretted the decision to keep my child.

I got subsidy for daycare and my now husband helped with the baby while I was in school.

It is up to you what to do, do what your heart tells you. Just remember the people around you will support you and you will figure out a way to make everything happen.

Personally I think you would regret aborting the baby. If you felt that abortion was right for you you would not have been asking the question here.

All the best to you

P.S. I had successfully passed my NCLEX and graduated as an RN (BScN)in June 2017. I have been working as a nurse since June 2017.

[AngelKissed857, BSN, RN]

Two women in my program had unplanned pregnancies, one delivered on the first day of spring break in our last semester. Her mom and husband helped like crazy that look at semester. She brought her breast milk too class and clinicals. Had no problem getting hired into her precepting unit. Another had her baby a few weeks after we graduated. sounds like you're partner is looking at this as a good partner should, it's give and take. So think about it this way- which would you regret? Terminating an unplanned pregnancy, or taking on parenthood sooner than planned? Then follow your heart.

[TraumaICUqueen]

I was there. I had the baby, applied to all scholarships I could, got student loans and now, as an RN I am able to provide for my boy. I never stopped. I worked full time while I was pregnant and at school. Then when I was actually at nursing school I worked part time, and was able to manage school, work and my kid. By that time I still was with my now ex and he helped. Being pregnant its not the end of the world. My parents are also religious people and were disappointed on my pregnancy but now, they are in love of his grandchild and so proud of me because I graduated, and all of this without their financial help. Life happens when you have other plans, having a baby is not the end of the world, it will make things harder but also, will be rewarding. One day you will look back on those hard times and you need to make sure that what you see, you are proud of, regardless of your decision. Just sharing my story so you see that if you decide to keep him/her, it is doable, or you don't keep it, that is okay too.

[adreamdeferred, MSN, RN, APRN, NP]

I would try to make it to the end of the program if possible. Rest as much as you can. Things work themselves out. Your parents may be disappointed but they will hopefully come around. Your partner is supportive and that's a blessing. It's easier to finish now than when you have to worry about child care and still have not finished the program. At least you'll be closer to making better money. Either way you're going to have to buckle up for a wild ride. But you can do it.

[emmjayy, BSN, RN]

Hey OP. I got the positive pregnancy test three days before I shipped off to college for my freshman year. I have a similar family background. Abortion simply was not an option for me because of my religious beliefs, but I knew parenting a baby couldn't be an option either. I chose to put my kiddo up for adoption. This was the best choice for me given the circumstances. If you decide to consider this route though, your partner is going to have to be on board with it so he can sign the adoption papers along with you. You definitely have time to think about this solution as well, so I would encourage you to throw it into the mix. As someone who's been in your shoes, I would be happy to talk privately with you about this if you'd like. I wish you all the best with this!!!

[Cmanursestudenta]

I remember when I got pregnant the 2nd time my ex was very angry at me. He told me that it ruined all his plans and I wasn't supposed to get pregnant for 6 more months exactly. You know now I'm remarried and can't get pregnant. I am very happy with my children though. There is no perfect time to have a baby. You say you love your significant other? You are stable? Well here is my advise. Have the baby take some time off after graduation and recognize life is not all about "the Plan" and things happen for a reason. You will always need more money, a nicer house, a newer car, a better job, family/friends closer, more education, you want to be older, you think it should have happened at this or that time and on and on. Life is precious.

[Avill, BSN, RN]

There were a handful of fellow classmates who got pregnant during nursing school. One had her baby in the summer and continued on. The other skipped a year and came back. The other skipped just one semester. There are ways around it honey. A baby is a blessing. Remember you will NEVER feel like you are ready to have a baby or that you have enough time and money for a baby, but somehow it works. What is important is that you have a supportive, loving partner. If he wants to help support your family then let him, or if you guys want to count pennies for a short time, then do it. It will work. School will always be there. The precious small fragment of time you have with a baby, not so much.

Ultimately it is your decision, and like somebody above said, your parents will always love you, NO matter what. You will understand when you have a baby :)

It's a love like NO other.

[Lunah, MSN, RN]

No judging, just hugs!

I never wanted children - quite adamantly! Then I met my current husband, and in him I finally found someone I could see myself having children with. Unfortunately I was already in my 40s, so the odds weren't good. I was also deployed to Afghanistan for 9 months the day after my 41st birthday, so more delays. We kept trying after I came home. After two miscarriages and utter heartbreak and figuring that I was a failure as a woman and human being, I gave up. Man, there is nothing I have ever wanted so much as something that I couldn't have. Then suddenly in November 2016, I was pregnant. I had a meltdown and ugly cry as soon as I got a positive test because I was certain this one would end in a miscarriage just like the others. But nope, I had my good egg and I delivered my amazing healthy daughter a month after I turned 45. And I wondered how on earth I could have ever thought that I didn't want this. All my degrees, certifications, accomplishments, whatever, just pale in comparison - motherhood is hands-down the most amazing thing I have ever done. She has melted my black ER nurse heart, and I am happily ruined. :) Sometimes things happen exactly when they are meant to, and we make room in our lives for the unexpected. I also went into pregnancy-related heart failure and was diagnosed with peripartum cardiomyopathy 11 days after I delivered, and I still would not change a thing - she is worth all of it.

And do you know that at 45, I thought my family would be critical and not very supportive? I was so nervous to tell them! But now they are actually moving nearby from 5 hours away just to be closer to us. Not what I expected at all!

Follow your heart, and be good to yourself. Whatever you decide will be what is best for you and your significant other!