Absolutely the most entertaining birth plan I have ever read....

SmilingBluEyes · Apr 4, 2005

Hey Mermaid thanks for this. I printed it and hung it up on our breakroom at work. I am sure they will love it. We DO see birth plans from time to time and I promise you, none of them looked a bit like this one! Thanks.

Mermaid4 · Apr 4, 2005

Hey I am back..NORMAL lady partsL DELIVERY...Gompers, mom was very articulate and educated about the epidural and pain control. She had a mom for a nurse and a great sense of humour.

I was off for a day and she had already gone home. Doing great.....I still love the birth plan because it was funny and she had no problem "throwing" her visitors out if need be. They actually already knew her wishes. She just didn't want everyone hanging around when she was in severe pain. She definitely, as one of my nurse friends said, had her "Feces consolidated." ( Took me awhile to figure that one out)....So, it was a great delivery with an epidural and short pushing phase...No epis and intact perineum....

Mermaid4 · Apr 4, 2005

Except for the part about the nurse being in charge of dealing with the family, rather than the patient herself having enough guts to tell them go get the heck out...
I actually LIKE that birthplan, LOL. It's much better than the ones where the mom wants absolutely NO interventions, to the point that you wonder why they didn't just have the kid at home themselves. You know, the moms who always end up in the OR for a section? This mom does need a little bit of education regarding pain control and it's effect on the baby, and the proper timing of an epidural, of course. But I think the part about her husband not wanting to cut the cord and just wanting to focus on staying conscious is what really got to me. My fiancee wants to be in the waiting room with cigars when we have our kids, and if I do make him be in the room (which I WILL) he will only stay at the head of the bed (which I AGREE WITH).
Gompers, you don't have children yet, do you? Wanted to include that mom had been to childbirth education and was ahead of many of our patients by knowing what she wanted...She was a scientist....I say again, if epidurals were available on the prairie, I just bet the majority of moms would have availed themselves....I personally think we should do our best to meet the expectations of our patients within the parameters of the circumstances which present themselves....This situation went exactly according to her plan, which is what a birth plan is or should be about, after all!:)

Gompers, BSN, RN · Apr 4, 2005

Gompers, you don't have children yet, do you? Wanted to include that mom had been to childbirth education and was ahead of many of our patients by knowing what she wanted...She was a scientist....I say again, if epidurals were available on the prairie, I just bet the majority of moms would have availed themselves....I personally think we should do our best to meet the expectations of our patients within the parameters of the circumstances which present themselves....This situation went exactly according to her plan, which is what a birth plan is or should be about, after all!:)

I wasn't suggesting she not get an epidural or anything! I was just referring to the fact that she wanted the epidural the moment she stepped onto L&D, no matter what stage of labor she was in! Have things changed? Because I was under the impression that there were parameters for when to administer an epidural. That and the fact that she seemed to want any and all drugs available just made me wonder if she knew that narcotics could cause problems with the baby. You never mentioned that she went to childbirth education classes, and I know plenty of women who think they can just load up on morphine and breeze through labor and delivery.

No, I don't have kids yet, but I AM a nurse and I attend many deliveries with a high risk NICU team. I plan on having an epidural and/or other pain meds when I have kids too, and that's one of the reasons I liked her birth plan. However, I do know that some moms don't want to feel *any* pain, and I know it's not always possible. I've had to give Narcan down the ET tubes of many babies in the delivery room, so I may be a bit biased.

I'm glad everything went well for her, she sounds very funny and laid back!

MinervaB · Apr 4, 2005

I like birth plans, this one included. It's great when a woman knows what she wants. This quote is a little odd, makes me wonder where she is getting her information. Yeah, its funny, but I am not falling over with glee just because she said nice things about my profession. Minerva

"I am open to drugs of any sort, any kind any time. This includes Ivs, epidurals, pills and anything else you have available. If I am standing in front of you for any reason on or near my due date and there is even a remote chance I am staying, I want my epidural just after I introduce myself. Seriously. I am NOT interested in a natural delivery. Not even one iota. Not one.

I am bottle feeding. It isn't popular I know but thats the way it is. So don't even try to talk me out of it. My mom has tried and failed. It isn't happening."

maire, ASN, RN · Apr 5, 2005

LOL Sounds like a lady with a great sense of humor and who definitely has her "feces consolidated." I'm glad her actual experience went so well for her!

Thanks for sharing!

brwnngj · Apr 5, 2005

I was just referring to the fact that she wanted the epidural the moment she stepped onto L&D, no matter what stage of labor she was in!

I am sure she was joking about the pain medication issue, as far as getting it apon arrival. I used to say I wanted my Epidural at aroud 7 months. It sounds like she was well educated in her decisions and while I do not necessarily agree with all of them I think it is great that she got to have a Labor that worked for her and was open to the possiblity of necessary interventions.

twinmommy+2, ADN, BSN, MSN · Apr 5, 2005

Oh that was soooo funny! I'm going to print it out for my OB professor to read to class. She'll love it!

mfshirk · Apr 6, 2005

hi there. my name is ( )...my husband ( ) will be with me in labor. ( no significant others, boyfriends or other like surprises will attend).
i have heard stories about labor and delivery and have heard from more than one nurse and even one doctor that it is not like the baby channel. i get that, therefore...
:

this is fabulous! i copied and pasted it to all my co-workers! thanks! i needed the humor! :rotfl:

BabyRN2Be · Apr 7, 2005

I'm a doula and I've seen my share of birthplans.

That, by far, is the most hilarious one that I've ever seen.

I think that the funniest I've ever seen was the mom who wanted various pieces of music playing at various times in labor. Brahms Concerto for latent, something more upbeat for active to the songs that she wanted in transition, 8cm, 9cm, 10 cm, a song to be played if she had a lip of cervix left, another one while pushing, yet another song to be played while crowning (I think it was the song that went "Let the Sunshine In"), one to be cued as soon as the head came out all leading up to a song as soon as the baby's feet cleared the lady partsl opening. I don't have a copy of it because I wasn't her doula.

I was wondering, if she wanted a doula for comfort measures and I suppose she did because she didn't want interventions, maybe she should have ordered a conductor to orchestrate all that! (no pun intended)

Yes, she was a primip and probably didn't know that the world of L&D doesn't lend itself to easy schedules. It's all decided by the baby, not the conductor.

BabyRN2Be · Apr 7, 2005

:chuckle

Now I have a new phrase for my vocubulary: feces consolidated. It took me a few seconds to figure out what it meant, but I got it and I love it!

lauriesalRNC · Apr 7, 2005

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Funny as hell! I am printing that and taking it to work with me to show my co-workers! At least this plan actually HAPPENED. When I see a birth plan I usually start getting the c-section papers stamped up and ready to go b/c you know that is what normaly happens with those darn birth plans!