A listening ear is also a running mouth.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Aug 27, 2016

Hey All!
I am really bothered at work, I feel coworkers ask too many personal questions. I do not trust people and I really feel there is no point for a coworker to ask questions not related to work. I get some people just want to get to know people or view coworkers as an extended family but I don't. I am very observant, I see nurses laugh and smile with each other then the next minute talk about that same nurse they were laughing and smiling with. Before anyone says that's the unfortunate side of working in a female environment, that's B.S because there are 4 males on my unit that gossip just as bad as the females aND 1 of them is known as the gossip King. And I also know this happens in all work environments, not just nursing.
I don't care how small the question may be (eg. My age). I don't want to share it. I am an extremely friendly person, I may share a tiny piece of personal information but I choose to share that (eg they wanted to change tge radio station at work so i told them the music I like to listen to). I have NEVER asked a coworker if they had kids, are married etc. Because I genuinely don't care :)
This is a huge issue for me because I feel if I share this piece of info with a coworker, it is not their business to go tell other coworkers no matter how small the information is. I told a coworker where I was from the other day, I went to work and 3 coworkers started to approach me about the island I'm from. I knew that the person I told shared this information since she was the only 1 I told. Now this may seem small but I tend to look at the bigger picture, the worker I told talks too damn much :) I wonder why my name was brought up to begin with...why she chose to volunteer this information.
This is exactly why I don't like sharing information at work. People don't know how to keep things to themselves. I've been told I'm very mysterious and secretive at work. That's ok, they already talk about me so I will not volunteer anything more for them to talk about
Just venting.

I know you're just venting but at the risk of offending you, I am offering you some advice.

Nursing involves teamwork. Teamwork is the difference between hating your job and loving it, between succeeding at your job and failing. Teamwork is the difference between losing your job over a minor mistake and keeping your job after a major one.

In order to be considered a part of the team, people need to "know" you a bit. If you are resistant to sharing ANY personal information, you are not going to be considered a friendly person. You are probably not seen as a friendly person or a person who wants to fit in on your unit. You may not like this way of thinking, but that won't change anything. Given that you really don't care about your co-workers, I would venture an opinion that you are actually NOT a friendly person. You sound downright hostile.

You don't have to answer personal questions, but "are you married?" Is a matter of public record as is "how many kids do you have?" (Unless you aren't getting benefits through your work or you have lied to HR, your employer knows the answer to these questions along with where you graduated from high school and college -- where you're from -- and your employment history. They probably know your blood type, allergies and Hep B status as well.) Sharing a bit of personal information is social grease that helps you to become a part of the team.

People are going to talk about you, you're right. Right now all you're giving them to talk about is negative -- you're secretive, unfriendly, uninterested in others. If you value your job, please consider engaging more with your colleagues. Give them something positive to talk about. Tell them about the island where you grew up -- most of us have fantasizes about growing up on an island. Share what it was like to have to take a ferry to the mainland to shop for a prom dress (or whatever it was like for you.). Chat about the music you like, what you like to read and your favorite hobbies. Express an interest in your colleague's precocious toddler, clueless wedding planner or sick mother. Be a part of the team.

Emergent, RN · Aug 27, 2016

You sound pretty uptight. You might try loosening up. So what if some knows if you have kids?

RNKPCE · Aug 27, 2016

I can understand not wanting everyone at work to know all your business. But you said you are extremely friendly, how do you demonstrate that work besides the one example you gave about music? You said you don't ask about other's family, kids etc at work because you genuinely don't care. How is that friendly?

Being a little open will go a long way.

We have one co-worker who shares very little about herself and we joke that she was in the witness protection program. She some how made not sharing much about herself work. She had a good sense of humor. I did know she had a nephew as she needed a weekend off and I switched with her so she could attend his graduation.

whichone'spink, BSN, RN · Aug 29, 2016

Let's face it, when we work with a group of people for long hours at a time, people will get to know each other a little too well. My advice is to decide what you are comfortable with your coworkers knowing about you, and what you absolutely will not tell people. You cannot change the fact people talk way too much, so what do you want broadcast about yourself? Decide now. I am like you too. I don't want people to know too much about me, but at the same time I can't be too secretive. People have told me in the past I can come across as a snob. I realize now it's not exactly conducive to working well with a team.

NurseGirl525, ASN, RN · Aug 29, 2016

I simply see it as bonding with my coworkers. After all, we work long hours in an enclosed space together. Do I share every ounce of my personal life? Of course not. Do I share who my significant other is and whether or not I have kids? Yes.

You are building trust with these people. There are many stressful events in nursing in which you need to count on your coworkers in those situations. They need to be able to trust not just your skills, but you as a person.

Trust is is a very basic, human quality.

AnthonyD · Aug 29, 2016

I think getting to know your coworkers, and allowing them to get to know you, is an important part of being a team. I realize you were just venting, but it sounds like you have a very cynical point of view. Things like your age and where you are from are really just part of everyday conversation.

I am an extremely friendly person,

I honestly don't mean to sound rude, but I think you might need to reevaluate this claim. (Especially since you said yourself that you "genuinely don't care.")

GreenOne · Sep 2, 2016

You might like working in the float pool, nobody bothers you about your personal life.

NurseStorm, BSN, RN · Sep 5, 2016

Wow you sound fun (not :/).. No one expects you to give extremely personal details about your life to everyone, but if you won't share ANYTHING, that is a little over the top and not conducive to working as a team.

Who cares if she told people where you were from? It's not like you told her you were getting a divorce and she blabbed it to everyone. I honestly think it would not even OCCUR to someone, that something like where you were from would be something you would want kept personal. (I certainly would've never had that thought even cross my mind!).

It probably came up in conversation something simple like "wow aloe_sky is such a mystery, she never shares a single word about herself! I don't even know where she's from!" and the other coworker said where you were from, and then they maybe discussed oh wow, must've been a cool place to grow up, etc. Not everything is malicious and gossiping so don't think of it that way unless you have reason to?

Try to open up a little, and give your coworkers a chance. Get to know them. I'm not saying share very personal info, but basic info even. Either that or maybe become a traveling nurse with short term contracts where you don't have to get to know people. Kind of a sad way to go through life, never getting to know coworkers, but if it makes you happy I guess? (PS I agree to reconsider the "extremely friendly" claim. None of your post displayed anything indicating you are extremely friendly..)

Aloe_sky · Sep 14, 2016

Unfortunately if I could trust my coworkers I would be more open but I don't. I work with some individuals that are back stabber and mean spirited individuals. I do not know who to trust so its better to keep my personal business to myself. At the nursing station last night the topic was on who had a boyfriend/husband...it then went on to they can't believe ____ has a boyfriend, the other nurse had 5 different boyfriends in a certain time frame which ended up her being talked about as either a **** or crazy. They then talked about who looks like a freak in the bed, I wear make up to work and I was wearing red lipstick, the male nurse asked if I had a boyfriend, I just gave a half smile and walked away. He then made a comment that i was like another nurse that wears makeup, probably a freak but cant keep a boyfriend. I would rather have people say I'm a mystery than to throw something I told them back in my face.

I am a team player, I am always asking if they need help and even go ahead to help when they are busy with another patient. I am friendly in the sense that I am always smiling and talking to people. I just do not talk about my personal business. I can talk about the weather or events in the city, work/patient related topics. 99.9 % of the time I park my computer directly infront of my patients rooms. I hardly ever sit at the nursing station, I don't like to participate in drama or gossip so I stay away from it.

Maybe it's a cultural thing but it's a big no-no where I'm from to share someone else's personal business, even if it's the amount of kids the person has. It's just not our place/business to tell and if anyone wanted to know, they can ask the person. Where I'm from we were also noted as being some of the friendliest people in the world :)

Ruby Vee, BSN · Sep 14, 2016

Unfortunately if I could trust my coworkers I would be more open but I don't. I work with some individuals that are back stabber and mean spirited individuals. I do not know who to trust so its better to keep my personal business to myself. At the nursing station last night the topic was on who had a boyfriend/husband...it then went on to they can't believe ____ has a boyfriend, the other nurse had 5 different boyfriends in a certain time frame which ended up her being talked about as either a **** or crazy. They then talked about who looks like a freak in the bed, I wear make up to work and I was wearing red lipstick, the male nurse asked if I had a boyfriend, I just gave a half smile and walked away. He then made a comment that i was like another nurse that wears makeup, probably a freak but cant keep a boyfriend. I would rather have people say I'm a mystery than to throw something I told them back in my face.
I am a team player, I am always asking if they need help and even go ahead to help when they are busy with another patient. I am friendly in the sense that I am always smiling and talking to people. I just do not talk about my personal business. I can talk about the weather or events in the city, work/patient related topics. 99.9 % of the time I park my computer directly infront of my patients rooms. I hardly ever sit at the nursing station, I don't like to participate in drama or gossip so I stay away from it.
Maybe it's a cultural thing but it's a big no-no where I'm from to share someone else's personal business, even if it's the amount of kids the person has. It's just not our place/business to tell and if anyone wanted to know, they can ask the person. Where I'm from we were also noted as being some of the friendliest people in the world :)

Your approach does not appear to be working for you. You brought it to this forum. Why not try to follow some of the excellent advice you've been given?

Cheyenne RN,BSHS · Sep 14, 2016

Wow, at first I wondered if I had absentmindedly posted in my sleep because your entire entry sounds so very much like I wrote it, word for word. I know that I am horrible with any social exchange. It does not matter how big or small the group of people are. I know I am a loner. I can't imagine a need to talk to anyone except to exchange needed information.

It is not that I don't care or that I am not interested in others. I do care. I care deeply. I will help anyone who needs it and then return to my own work and don't want, nor need, a thank you. People should help one another. I can't imagine what people talk about when they sit and chit chat, or why things elicit giggles and laughter. I rarely laugh I have realized. I am a good listener. I rarely use the phone because after I have said what I needed to tell someone I have nothing else to say.

I get so uncomfortable trying to "chit chat" and I tend to be very detail oriented. I would rather be invisible, in the background as a support person but not seen. I find social functions, meetings, showers, birthday parties, any type of gathering that should be "fun" physically, emotionally, and mentally distressing. I have minimal social skills and accept the Asperger in me.

Like the OP, i don't trust people easily and do not like to have things repeated. People confuse me when they act all friendly to someones face and then run them down like a dog after they walk off. I did get some help when I started nursing trying to learn social and communication skills. That may be something that the OP would find useful.