A listening ear is also a running mouth.

SmilingBluEyes · Sep 15, 2016

I have found I have much better relations when I share a bit of myself, truthfully and earnestly with colleagues and patients. No, they don't know my whole life story, but they do know I can admit when I make a mistake and try not to take myself too seriously. Being aloof just makes folks distant and mistrusting of you.

Aloe_sky · Sep 20, 2016

QUOTE=Cheyenne RN,BSHS;9185557]Wow, at first I wondered if I had absentmindedly posted in my sleep because your entire entry sounds so very much like I wrote it, word for word. I know that I am horrible with any social exchange. It does not matter how big or small the group of people are. I know I am a loner. I can't imagine a need to talk to anyone except to exchange needed information.

It is not that I don't care or that I am not interested in others. I do care. I care deeply. I will help anyone who needs it and then return to my own work and don't want, nor need, a thank you. People should help one another. I can't imagine what people talk about when they sit and chit chat, or why things elicit giggles and laughter. I rarely laugh I have realized. I am a good listener. I rarely use the phone because after I have said what I needed to tell someone I have nothing else to say.

I get so uncomfortable trying to "chit chat" and I tend to be very detail oriented. I would rather be invisible, in the background as a support person but not seen. I find social functions, meetings, showers, birthday parties, any type of gathering that should be "fun" physically, emotionally, and mentally distressing. I have minimal social skills and accept the Asperger in me.

Like the OP, i don't trust people easily and do not like to have things repeated. People confuse me when they act all friendly to someones face and then run them down like a dog after they walk off. I did get some help when I started nursing trying to learn social and communication skills. That may be something that the OP would find useful.

There is good reason not to trust people, they talk too much â˜º. what you tell 1 person ends up the next week with the whole unit knowing. Information is power and it can be used against if in the wrong hands that's why I'm quiet about my personal life. Just think of how silly it is to tell the tiniest info about yourself and to have 3 people within a week question you about it even tho you only told 1 person. It makes me uncomfortable, I feel it is a lack of respect for other people's privacy. The person you tell determines whether or not telling others that information is a big deal. They say telling marital status shouldn't be a big deal....it is to ME, it is my information and my right to keep it private. I have also always been a loner, I am an introvert to the core. I socialize very easily but prefer not to. I also genuinely care for others, I love nursing and my number 1 priority are my patients and that is why I give them 99.9% of my attention. I can do without the unit chit chat, it honestly puts me behind anyway. It's to the point that I no longer ask a couple nurses to witness my waste. They use those 2 minutes to ask a million and 1 questions that I will not answer. You answer 1 question and it only leads to more questions. Most of us on the unit are in our 20's, most also act like highschool kids. Regardless of if you share information or not people will talk. Its funny how people are, I had a manager that use to talk about a Dr being very private because he did not like sharing ANYTHING, not even where he planned or went for vacation. He politely told her, I prefer to.not talk about my personal affairs...she got offended as if she was entitled to this information.

How does knowing if you are married, or have kids benefit patient care? it doesn't. Does it help relations with the other nurses? I don't think it does. I know more than a few nurses that talk openly and people can't stand them. Most nurses do not even talk outside of the workplace. It's a no win situation. I still think the smart thing to do is to keep your personal business private in the workplace.

SmilingBluEyes · Sep 21, 2016

^ So you tell them what you would not mind being repeated. I don't tell them my whole life story, but I care enough to be interested in other people and their lives/troubles/struggles and then they show me the same courtesy. I think it's good for coworker and patient relations. Show genuine, real interest in people; it's nice and will improve relations all around. I think sometimes in running our own mouths, we forget to LISTEN. Really hear what people are saying. I am concentrating my efforts on that.

Try being the "listening ear" and watch people warm to you.

Horseshoe, BSN, RN · Oct 3, 2016

Hey All!
I am really bothered at work, I feel coworkers ask too many personal questions. I do not trust people and I really feel there is no point for a coworker to ask questions not related to work. I get some people just want to get to know people or view coworkers as an extended family but I don't. I am very observant, I see nurses laugh and smile with each other then the next minute talk about that same nurse they were laughing and smiling with. Before anyone says that's the unfortunate side of working in a female environment, that's B.S because there are 4 males on my unit that gossip just as bad as the females aND 1 of them is known as the gossip King. And I also know this happens in all work environments, not just nursing.
I don't care how small the question may be (eg. My age). I don't want to share it. I am an extremely friendly person, I may share a tiny piece of personal information but I choose to share that (eg they wanted to change tge radio station at work so i told them the music I like to listen to). I have NEVER asked a coworker if they had kids, are married etc. Because I genuinely don't care :)
This is a huge issue for me because I feel if I share this piece of info with a coworker, it is not their business to go tell other coworkers no matter how small the information is. I told a coworker where I was from the other day, I went to work and 3 coworkers started to approach me about the island I'm from. I knew that the person I told shared this information since she was the only 1 I told. Now this may seem small but I tend to look at the bigger picture, the worker I told talks too damn much :) I wonder why my name was brought up to begin with...why she chose to volunteer this information.
This is exactly why I don't like sharing information at work. People don't know how to keep things to themselves. I've been told I'm very mysterious and secretive at work. That's ok, they already talk about me so I will not volunteer anything more for them to talk about
Just venting.

It's your prerogative, but NO, you are not "friendly." AT ALL.

I'm also pretty private, but your POV seems extreme. No one is going to force you to tell anything about yourself. But be prepared to be considered aloof, cold, distant, and unfriendly. That's the price of your attitude.

And no, not everyone is unworthy of trust. I've known some big blabbermouths, of course, but I have also known many people who are certainly trustworthy and discreet. Your attitude approaches misanthropy. But again, it's your choice completely to be that way and to feel the way you do. As you said, you simply "don't care."