A classmate is going to QUIT! Please help...

Daytonite, BSN, RN · Oct 18, 2007

I know what I am about to say isn't what you want to hear, but I am speaking from many years of what I have seen in nursing. You don't know what is going on this lady's mind other than what she has shared with you. Some people just have a history of being quitters. These kind of people continually make a mess of their lives and the reason is something for the psychiatrist's couch. She may not be able to tolerate the pressure of school or nursing and she may not have the flexibility to change her pattern of behavior. It's reasonable to assume that this behavior will also crossover to her care of patients at some point. Someone who is willing to give up on herself is likely to give up on helping patients and we don't need nurses who cannot be patient advocates. Wish her well and let her go on her way.

Soup Turtle · Oct 18, 2007

I am so upset, a classmate who has become a friend has decieded to drop out of nursing school! We are in our second and final year of a ADN program and only have 21 more days of class and clinical combined before the semester is done and then we have over a month of vacation.
Now a little background- This woman is in her late 40's and has struggled some and lately feeling inadequate. The instructors AND the nursing dept are willing to do ANYTHING to help her stay in. She is NOT failing and is even ahead of me as far as classwork, having already turned in our only major project that is not due until November. Learning is difficult for her but she has done it so far and isn't even close to the bottom of the class- probably about average really. I know her frustration is d/t her having not such a good support system and just wanting to start her career but she is sooo close!
If she drops now, she will lose the 12 credits for this semester. She will still be eligible to sit for her LPN, but will have to do a whole year if she wants to be an RN someday which I know she truly desires.
What I told her was one day at a time and told her I counted down (she had no idea it was only 21 days!) and every week I think of wanting to stop too but trudge on. I told her to try to stay thru this semester so she can then earn those 12 credits and then have a whole month to decide her future. I also encouraged her to talk to her doc about meds for anxiety/depresson as I know other classmates are taking a med and it seems rather common for nursing students.
Can you think of anything else I can do/say to help her thru this semester???? I just KNOW she will regret this later on and she will make a really good nurse soon.
Thanks everyone!!!

Other than offering support and encouragement, I don't see what you can do. If she's 40ish, she's been around the block and knows about making her own bed and lying in it. Don't let her distract you too much. :uhoh3:

SarasotaRN2b · Oct 18, 2007

Instead of thinking of it as 21 days, which if you are having some major stressors can be hard...just take One (1) day at a time, and then before you know it...you are done. Of course, it will ultimately be her decision and I can understand how you feel about losing a friend and classmate.

This is a philosophy I am going to use myself...in the past, I had projected things and worries...but I am determined to succeed this time and my method is manageable if I can just remember to take it this one day at a time.

Considering the support that she is getting, I really hope that she gives it some thought, especially coming so close to the end of the semester.

Kris

justme1972 · Oct 18, 2007

Is she married? I would be willing to bet that someone at home is putting a huge amount of pressure on her to quit, or constantly telling her that she "won't make it".

That may be why she thinks that it's hopeless.

Jolie, BSN · Oct 18, 2007

Bless you for caring so much for this classmate. But other than offering her a sympathetic ear and some much-needed encouragement, there is nothing you can do.

Please don't invest so much of yourself in her drama that you allow yourself to suffer. She is a capable adult, and is responsible for her own choices.

puggymae · Oct 18, 2007

Usually people who want to quit nursing school know what they need to do for their life at that minute.

I have had students quit the week before graduation for no reason that I could see - but it wasn't for me to decide.

When students come to me as a faculty member worried about other students I give them the same advice a faculty member once gave me: If you just worry about yourself, you will have plenty to worry about.

GingerSue · Oct 18, 2007

there's a related thread in the main nursing forum, general discussion, in which various people explain their decision to leave nursing - it is good to read

SummerGarden, BSN, MSN, RN · Oct 19, 2007

I remember you from the pre-nursing forum!! You had and have a lot of desire to become a nurse. I agree with the others, do not let this person be a distraction. I know you think you are doing the right thing by trying to convince her to stay, but all you are doing is allowing her to be a drain on your psyche! Besides if you convince her to stay today, she will probably quit tomorrow.

I am in my second semester and I learned as a social worker (life before nursing school) to stay away from negative people. First semester, many negative students showed his/her colors... some of them are no longer with us. Others are still in my class, but are not doing very well.

Don't get me wrong, I have days when I am down too, but I NEVER have thoughts of quitting. The people I spend time with are the same way. Thus, I highly advise that you make friends with other students that have your same passion for nursing. This "friend" is a lost cause because you can't save someone who cannot save herself, especially after 40! :uhoh21:

WDWpixieRN, RN · Oct 19, 2007

I think letting her know you are in her corner and willing to help in any way is great, but beyond that, you have to let her make her decision. As hard as it is to imagine, she must have her reasons and if her heart's not in it anymore (for whatever reason), she's best to move on.

I have had many times when I have thought of quitting...oh, how much easier it would be -- at the moment. In the long run, I know I would regret it so I forge on; one day at a time. It's just not easy. Watching fellow classmates fall by the wayside is very sad to see, but the bottom line is you really have to take care of yourself as best you can beyond what you've already done.

Take care....

kukukajoo, LPN · Oct 23, 2007

Thanks everyone for your words of wisdom. I think there are so many points above that are true, and I would not want a nurse that was a quitter, Daytonite. I think she had no support system (divorcee with a son in college, relatives out of state) and her style of learning made the rigors of nursing school very hard on her. Mix that with a background of uncertainty and what appears to be people demeaning her, and you have a person with not enough confidence I think.

She has officially withdrawn from the program and will become an LPN as we are already eligible to sit for that. She told me more last night and she does not feel comfortable being above an LPN and supervising as an RN as well as not confident on patient assessment and care so maybe she made the right choice.

It has affected me some- today was not a great day at all in clinical- for me or the other classmate who worked close with her. I just had an off day and was behind the 8 ball all day long. I think this and a raging painful UTI made the day crap for me. I have to say at the end of the I kind of envied her for being done, but not really as I am going to go on and finish myself and reach my dreams no matter what.

I think one thing that made it hard is that everyone from year one made it to year 2 but now we have lost 2 of those students. Both struggled in Year 1 a bit.

I do hope to work with her in the future though and wish her all the best in the world. I know that what she has already accomplsihed will propel her forward in life much further than she expected so all is not lost. She will not have any trouble finding work and is already fielding job offers.

Rage, RN · Oct 23, 2007

I'm 52 and have NEVER thought about quitting, even when told by a clinical instructor that "I wouldn't be a good nurse" (she's is no longer a clinical instructor btw). But if your friend has made her decision then it's your responsibility "as a friend" to respect it. Not change it, nor dwell on it. Support her in whatever decision she makes, and hope that she would be as good of a friend to you if you were faced with the same situation.