OK, I love the threads for Rules of the ER and Dr.'s office...we need our own rules! Here are a few I can think of...
1) Vomit that is not witnessed by an adult does not count.
2) If you are able to scream "I can't breathe!" at the top of your lungs, trust me, you can breathe.
3) Don't think because I can't speak a lot of Spanish that you will get away with calling your parent and telling them the nurse said they had to come pick you up. Our clerk speaks Spanish just fine and will be happy to make the call for me, but thanks for offerring.
4) If you are well enough to ask me for a book, toy, or candy, you are well enough to be in class.
5) If you are well enough to whisper, giggle, or play with your friend who "happens" to also be sick, you are well enough to be in class.
6) There is not a sign on my forehead that says "sanitary napkin dispenser". This happens every month. Bring them from home.
7) If you are a teacher and ask me every single day for a band-aid or a pad, you will get very dirty looks from me. You earn a paycheck. Go to Walmart.
8) If you are a teacher and cannot tell the difference between a medical issue (which I will gladly handle) and a behavioral issue (which I will not), allow me to educate you.
9) I will not send a student home for a runny nose with no other symptoms. Get over it and give them a tissue.
10) You cannot fake a fever. Rubbing your cheeks until they are bright red might fool the teacher, but not me. Any you can run the water in the bathroom as long as you want, it will never get warm enough to drink and make your oral temp higher. Besides, when in doubt I have an electronic forehead thermometer, but points for creativity!
What else ya got?
Feb 5, '10
11. Medicines that do not have orders will not be administered. This includes OTC. You can either get me the order, get your butt here to give it to your kid, or have it not be given.
11a. If you are carrying cough drops in your pocket book, don't admit that to me unless you want them confiscated. And at least be discreet about taking them.
12. This is not Walmart, Gap Kids, or Rite Aid. I have what I have and will not consider getting anything that I don't view as vital.
12a. I have my budget, you have yours. Please do not come in here demanding a box of gloves and a hundred tongue depressors. I will gladly show you where i order mine from.
13. No, you may not come in here to lie down because you stayed up late watching movies last night. I'm tired too - I've been up since 2 am fighting a fire and I'm here and awake. If I can do it, so can you.
14. Ladies, cramps happen. This will happen monthly for the next 50 or so years. They are not a reason to go home.
15. I do not give out PE passes because you don't feel like changing.
Feb 5, '10
Addendum to #14 - nor are they a reason to miss PE! I have the same group of girls every month that want to sit out of PE or rest in my office because the cramps are "soooooo baaaaaad"
Feb 5, '10
16. i will not send children home because you think they should go home. When you get your nursing degree, we'll talk.
17. yes, childrens eyes get red from time to time. again, not sending them home unless necessary.
18.no i will not call that parent AGAIN.... they are going to have me arrested for stalking.
19. no i do not have undies briefs shoes tights socks or skirts at my disposal. this is a a school , not a closet.
20. im sorry you didnt have breakfast. me either. and no i dont have food to give you.
Feb 5, '10
#21. If the kid is sleeping in your class do not sent them to me to lay down for the rest of the class period. They view this as a reward.
#22. You are in high school. I know you have food at home. You are also not underweight. If you forget to eat breakfast, you WILL survive till lunch. It is not my job to give you a pack of peanut butter crackers. They are for the diabetics and I pay for them myself.
Feb 5, '10
**If you come into my clinic and you curse or start a fight with ANYONE, you will be permanently banned from the clinic and will forthwith be required to take your complaints directly to the principal.
**Don't think you're fooling me when you tell me you're having trouble breathing. I know you are holding your breath--i have my stethoscope on your chest and I can hold it here all day or until you decide to breathe again. If I do not hear wheezes or crackles you will be going back to class, and no, I will not call your mother.
**Teacher--please do not ask me for something for your constipation. You passed the CVS on your way in. Ask them.
**And do not send a student to me with a note that says "Will you send Jose back with some Advil? I have a headache." Yeah? Me too. I get a headache when teachers ask me asinine questions.
**Principal--do not EVER question my judgement again. If I think 911 needs to be called and YOU CANCEL THE CALL I will report your butt so fast it will make your fancy diplomas spin. I know people in the media and I'm not afraid to use them.
Feb 8, '10
Ha! As I was reading this, a teacher calls and says:
"Hi I am sending _____ down, he has been sick for a couple of weeks, ya know green boogers, and looks like 10 miles of bad road...Evan if he doesn't have a temp can he just lay down for a bit...all he wants to do is sleep." Sure let him lay down for a few minutes...5 to be exact, then unless, he's developed a fever...the boy with a common cold is back in class!!
Feb 8, '10
**If you tell your child who complains of feeling ill to go to school anyway, but if they start feeling worse to have the nurse call you...they will ALWAYS say they feel worse and want to go home...even if they are happily bouncing around my office, afebrile and full of energy. Kids are not stupid, if they can get a free pass home, they will!
Feb 9, '10
Teachers--do not send a student to the nurses office 15 minutes or less before the end of the day unless it is a true emergency--they have made it this long they can make it a few more minutes!
Teachers--do not send students to the nurses office without a pass--many of them do not even know their own names--which can make our jobs very difficult!!
Teachers--i do not call students out of your class for "fun" There is usually a screening that needs to be done--or a med given--please cooperate with me!
Feb 9, '10
i have one...............teachers, please if the student doesn't feel warm, you didn't see them vomit, and they're actually normally in class, why are you sending them down? or better yet, tell me in the above situation that they are/are not acting normally in class. that will help me figure out what to do!!!
Feb 9, '10
Teacher, tell me this--in what alternative universe is it more important to get school pictures than allow your diabetic student to get her a.m. insulin?
I actually had this happen this morning! THankfully, I already had possession of the child and refused to let her go.
This kid is very young, definitely not capable to managing her diabetes herself. When I wouldn't give in to the parapro,the teacher came over and tried to explain why she just *had* to get the pix taken RIGHT NOW. She could not understand that I needed to get the insulin drawn up, check it for mistakes, and give it *before* sending her off. How ridiculous
Jul 18, '13
Camp Director I did not "YELL" at your grandaughter's group, EVER. I understand child development, even actually studied it. If they misunderstood my asking them to quiet down while I was trying to listen to chest of the child who was short of breath while they were cackling and screaming like toddlers, I sincerely apologize.
Aug 4, '13
I love all these...they are funny but oh so needed. " )
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