Paranoid parents

Specialties Private Duty

Published

Don't you hate it when a bad nurse (or even a few of them) makes the whole profession look bad? I don't know if this family is paranoid or really had some bad experiences, but I kind of think it's the former.

Went fill-in on a private case as a favor to a family member. So far I've been called 5 or 6 times in the past couple of months but have only been able to pick up 2 of the overnight shifts. The first night I worked (after a 4 hour non-paid orientation) mom "fell asleep" on the living room couch (baby is in the dining room, which is adjacent) and woke up 4-5 times to check on the baby and every time the vent or tube feeding alarmed. I didn't overthink it because I was a new person on the case and the baby hadn't been home long.

Thursday I was available for a call-off but went in early because family member advised there had been some changes and I should get there early to get an updated orientation of the case from the evening nurse. I get there 2 hours early and follow the nurse around but she's being very, IDK, overly meticulous and careful with everything she's doing, especially considering neither mom or grandma are home. She shows me the updated "To-Do" lists we have to check off as we go, the whiteboard where we are to jot down "Deets" (how many soiled diapers, the exact time meds were given, when the feed was stopped, times the child was T&P, etc. Stuff that's in the narrative and on the med sheets but whatever...) She showed me where to sit now- a hardback chair with a tv tray on wheels, instead of the glider that was in the dining room for the nurses last time I was there and is now nowhere to be seen. She says loudly that there are new nursing notes the family generated but she left them in her car and she would go get them when the family came back.

When mom arrives the nurse asks me to come outside with her because she's late to her next job and doesn't have time to come back in. When outside she advises the family utilizes multiple nanny cams and sometimes the family likes to leave and watch the live streams remotely just to try to catch people doing something wrong. She hates the case and feels paranoid, but the pay is good and her other case is very unpredictable with the child's health status. She gives me the paper, which she pulled out of the bag she had in the house. Yay, for nurses who like to give a heads up!

I go back in to relieve the mom and she goes upstairs for all of 10 minutes, comes back downstairs with a blanket and her pillow and beds down on the couch. About halfway through the night, as she has woken up for every alarm or semi-loud movement, she says that she's over lazy nurses and can't get any sleep anymore because she's tired of nurses sleeping in her house and getting paid more than she makes to do it. She informs me that she's been sleeping on the couch sporadically since baby came home and every time she feels safe to sleep in her bed she regrets it because she catches the nurses asleep. It was very awkward. Mom finally went upstairs around 5 because she really wasn't getting any quality sleep. I can't be sure she wasn't up there watching me...

I was so relieved when the day nurse came. I was giving report when grandma came downstairs and sat on the couch. She turned on the TV like she was about to watch Fox News but really kept staring at us as we did the small narc count and day nurse got the tube feed ready for the day. Day nurse told me that grandma watches everything she does almost all shift, sometimes taking notes, and this nurse has been their primary since baby came home! Crazy!!!!!

Specializes in Pediatric.
Isn't systoly a guy? Perhaps the issue is modesty with a member of the opposite sex.

Yes! Also, to protect in case a crazy parent makes allegations!

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Specializes in Complex pedi to LTC/SA & now a manager.

I have one case with cameras. They are not hidden. Father can activate them remotely and is often away. One nurse was ready to quit. Often they use them as intercom. One in main room one in child's bedroom. Child has many breakthrough seizures parents can catch and record as falling asleep or waking.

One night dad activated the camera remotely ( often out of town on business) and told the nurse to jpease move. He wanted to see his child not the nurse. He knew we were there but missed his child. Scared the peanuts out of one nurse.

I have several cases with new admits or young children where parent sleeps on couch. One case mom felt guilty about going back to work she wouldn't let anyone bathe her child until she realized she could play instead of washing & cleaning up if nurses have an AM bath. It took a while before she fully let go of the reigns and now a happy balance.

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Specializes in LTC, Memory loss, PDN.
BBM: May I respectfully ask what your issue is with a parent wearing nightclothes to sleep in in their own home?

nothing wrong with that question

i believe it's inappropriate

yes i'm a guy, but i believe the key issue is that it's a work place

and i expect appropriate dress while you're in the same room or area

i'm in, especially since it's at someone's home

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Specializes in NICU, ICU, PICU, Academia.
nothing wrong with that question

i believe it's inappropriate

yes i'm a guy, but i believe the key issue is that it's a work place

and i expect appropriate dress while you're in the same room or area

i'm in, especially since it's at someone's home

It's YOUR workplace but THEIR home. Patients in hospitals do not dress in their clothing 24/7 because it's your workplace. Where else do these people have to be comfortable if not their own home?

I really disagree with nurses thinking they can dictate standards to families in their own homes. You can always choose another workplace. They do not have the liberty to choose another home.

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Specializes in LTC, Memory loss, PDN.
It's YOUR workplace but THEIR home. Patients in hospitals do not dress in their clothing 24/7 because it's your workplace. Where else do these people have to be comfortable if not their own home?

I really disagree with nurses thinking they can dictate standards to families in their own homes. You can always choose another workplace. They do not have the liberty to choose another home.

boy, you sound angry

the comparison to the hospital is out of place, unless you feel it's appropriate

that visitors come in nightgowns

as far as standards are concerned, yes absolutely

i expect a standard of decency and appropriate behavior

i do not intend nor would i have a way of dictating such, but

as you so correctly said i can and will gladly choose another case

i was surprised by the intensity of your post so i want to ask

do you have any PDN experience (your pro doesn't say so) or you just living up

to your screen name ;) (you knew that was coming)

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Specializes in NICU, ICU, PICU, Academia.

I have held a second job as a home care nurse for many, many years. I currently care for a vent-dependent toddler two night per week.

I'm not at all angry- it's just that I HAVE spent so many years doing this, that I get a sense of how incredibly intrusive and disruptive it must be to have in-home nursing care.

And your analogy about visitors to the hospital wearing pjs is not valid. Parents of home care clients are NOT visitors- they are people living in their own homes.

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Specializes in Peds(PICU, NICU float), PDN, ICU.
I have held a second job as a home care nurse for many, many years. I currently care for a vent-dependent toddler two night per week.

I'm not at all angry- it's just that I HAVE spent so many years doing this, that I get a sense of how incredibly intrusive and disruptive it must be to have in-home nursing care.

And your analogy about visitors to the hospital wearing pjs is not valid. Parents of home care clients are NOT visitors- they are people living in their own homes.

I agree. I would be furious if someone told me what I could/couldn't wear in my own home...the only place I can truly be comfortable. There is still a line though. When guests are in your home you stay covered up. As long as the pajamas cover what needs to be covered, it doesn't matter. Nobody wants to see a parent exposing everything. That is awkward. But what exactly do you expect them to wear when sleeping? A dress suit? Jeans and a T-shirt? I don't care if the parent sleeps nude in their room as long as they are covered when I see them. You know you are working in someones home, so you should understand they will act and dress as if they are in their home. That means you will see them the way they are. I think people look silly going into Walmart with pajamas and slippers on. But they are covered (usually...it is Walmart). Walmart doesn't kick them out for not looking professional. In home care, you will see parents with their hair looking ratty from just getting out of bed and the way they look before a shower. They can't be expected to look perfect for you 24/7. If you have a problem withsomeone wearing pajamas in their own home, you're in the wrong area of nursing.

If the parent exposes themselves (and its not a true accident), that should be reported immediately to a supervisor. And we have the right to speak up if we are uncomfortable.

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Yuck!

I have had 2 parents that were butt naked in front of me,but i am not sure if it was purposefully..

One,the child was crying,and mom had to work,so she came out the shower butt naked and comforted the child.

In her defense,the towel covered the front of her,but not the back.

The other time,grandma came down to ask me how her wig looked for church,and she was naked...yuck.

i think she flashed me on purpose..i am a woman btw.

i do not know what her intention was.

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This thread went in directions I never thought of! LOL! The grandparents can be interesting.

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Specializes in LTC, Memory loss, PDN.

the simple solution - cameras

furious as you may be, i don't do exhibitionists

and if your comfort hinges on lounging around in skimpy

clothes in front of workers you asked to come to your home, then

you are just that

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Specializes in Pediatrics, Emergency, Trauma.
You raise valid considerations. I can't speak to whether anyone else has addressed these issues with mom. I haven't personally, but I don't know mom very well. When she was venting about the sleeping nurses I was listening empathetically and I shared a bit of my experience with nurses in the home, which I think she appreciated, but I did not ask her to elaborate on why she felt so anxious. It didn't feel like an opportune time to discuss it, if that makes sense. The conversation didn't flow in a way that fostered therapeutic dialogue.

That alone may help in the long run, whether or not you continue to fill in on the case...those little conversations have had me be requested and have forged very good relationships with cases otherwise labeled as "problem" cases, but then again, that has been my experience.

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Specializes in Pediatric.

I've seen parents naked before. I've always ended up leaving. If it is a true emergency that is one thing.

I don't know of any other situations where it would be apropos for a parent to show nude flesh, walk around in towel, etc. yes it is their home, but if I had people working in my home I would not act as so.

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