Am I wrong for choosing to stay in pediatric home health instead of taking the hospital job?

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Specializes in Pediatrics, Acute Care, Home Healthcare.

Hey everyone! I've always been a silent browser on this website but finally decided to make a profile.

I don't know how to start this, so I'm just going to dive right in. I've been a nurse for about 5 years. Even before graduating nursing school I knew I wanted to work in pediatrics preferably NICU. At the time when I did graduate I found that was not a possibility since it seemed no one was hiring. Getting a job in pediatrics in highly competitive in my area (Colorado) and at the time you either had to already be working within pediatrics some how or know someone. I didn't know anyone and hadn't had the opportunity to work in pediatrics so I was SOL. I needed a job so I settled for a job on an adult step down floor. I went in positive thinking "Oh I'm going to learn so much and Ill have a great nursing foundation!" I HATED it! I cried a lot, had a lot of panic attacks, and almost quit nursing. Did learn a lot though if nothing else.

Luckily before I quit nursing I found a job in pediatric home health care. I loved it! Spent two years with the company but left to return to the hospital setting on an acute pediatric floor because I had this nagging underling feeling I wasn't a real nurse. Spent two years on the hospital floor, loved my patients hated the environment. The constant beeping, the long shifts, the fact I had to flip back and forth between nights and day, never enough time to give my patients adequate care they deserved. I stuck it out two years hoping it'd get better with time. Spoiler alert! It never did. By the end I was crying a lot, dreading going to work,  felt incompetent, and felt like an outsider on my own unit. I was considering quitting nursing again as well.

I returned back to my original pediatric home health agency and its exactly how I remember it and I'm enjoying it. I figured I could always give the hospital a try again later if I wanted. At this point I don't know if I ever want to return to that horrible place of nightmares.

Then I got the call. A job offer out of the blue just like that! It was for another pediatric floor in another hospital. I wasn't expecting to leave my current agency this soon. Id only been back for two months, so I turned it down.

Was I wrong to do this?  Should I return to the hospital setting? I have this nagging feeling I made the wrong choice. This may also just be my anxiety but here I am 5 years into nursing, tried two different  units in two different hospitals not enjoying either, and still haven't made it to what was once the dream of working in the NICU. Lately I've come to terms with the fact I may not be critical care material so have let go of that dream for now. I've never enjoyed my time in the hospital setting even when I enjoyed my patient population. I felt constantly overwhelmed, inadequate, just like I didn't belong, and often wondered if I was ever meant to be a nurse. I don't feel that way in the home health setting but also wonder am I making a difference? Does what I do matter? It doesn't help that it doesn't seem anyone within this setting is even remotely close to my age, everyone I meet is a lot older and at the end of their nursing career. I don't know why that bothers me but it does. Makes me feel like I'm blowing up my career some how. Am I making a mistake to stay where I'm at? Should I get my butt back in the hospital setting ASAP? Would it be wrong to stay in pediatric home healthcare forever?

Phew! Sorry that was a whole novel. Thank you if you even read through all this.

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Specializes in Med-Surg, IMU, PACU, Acute Dialysis.

Hello! I just want to to tell you that you are not alone💕. Actually your situation sounds alot like mine! I 33 yrs old and came from Med/Surg, IMU, PACU and Acute Dialysis over my 9 years in nursing so far and just recently left to PDN about 2 months ago and it literally has saved me. I love the 1:1 patient interaction, I give meds through a G-button including feedings, neb treatments, oral suctioning and basic nursing care. I love it! I completely understamd what your feeling as I also am feeling like I should be doing more in my career but my mental health and the On Call from my previous jobs left me completely feeling done with the profession. Now two months later I feel so much better, almost feels like I took a break from nursing! I do still fear and worry about losing my skills and critical care so I am currently applying to see if I can do PRN at a PACU, ICU or any specialty just one day a week or two week period though I know good and well that includes constant education requirements and certification renewals so I'm still debating what exactly I want to do but I do know I plan of staying in PDN as long as I can as my primary job even though I work three 12hr night shifts, I love it. I know its hard especially knowing coworkers are working in highly critical positions or in managment/administration eventhough I spoken to many and in those positions and not happy and some are, but ultimately it shouldn't matter what that looks like as long as your doing something that makes you happy and makes you feel needed and makes you feel like your making a difference. I know my patients family tells me just how great and nice it is to have help with their child and it makes me feel great. Hope your doing OK and let me know how ypu are feeling😊

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Specializes in Pediatrics, Acute Care, Home Healthcare.
jesseboy18 said:

Hello! I just want to to tell you that you are not alone💕. Actually your situation sounds alot like mine! I 33 yrs old and came from Med/Surg, IMU, PACU and Acute Dialysis over my 9 years in nursing so far and just recently left to PDN about 2 months ago and it literally has saved me. I love the 1:1 patient interaction, I give meds through a G-button including feedings, neb treatments, oral suctioning and basic nursing care. I love it! I completely understamd what your feeling as I also am feeling like I should be doing more in my career but my mental health and the On Call from my previous jobs left me completely feeling done with the profession. Now two months later I feel so much better, almost feels like I took a break from nursing! I do still fear and worry about losing my skills and critical care so I am currently applying to see if I can do PRN at a PACU, ICU or any specialty just one day a week or two week period though I know good and well that includes constant education requirements and certification renewals so I'm still debating what exactly I want to do but I do know I plan of staying in PDN as long as I can as my primary job even though I work three 12hr night shifts, I love it. I know its hard especially knowing coworkers are working in highly critical positions or in managment/administration eventhough I spoken to many and in those positions and not happy and some are, but ultimately it shouldn't matter what that looks like as long as your doing something that makes you happy and makes you feel needed and makes you feel like your making a difference. I know my patients family tells me just how great and nice it is to have help with their child and it makes me feel great. Hope your doing OK and let me know how ypu are feeling😊

Thank you so much for responding! Your response really means a lot to me. It's nice to know I'm not alone out here. 

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