How to deal with unsupportive people.

Nursing Students Pre-Nursing

Published

I am 24 years old. I have beautiful 7 year old son and I live with my parents, and well My mother tells me every chance she gets she doen't think I should be a nurse it's too hard, I might stuck and get aids or everything else she can think of so I won't want to become a nurse. The thing is she has no G.E.D no formal education and both my sisters are moved out the house so in a way I feel she is living the life she never had throught what do I do?

Look at your 7 year old and know why you are doing this. Listen to your mother's words and add them to the things you will never say to your own child. Thank her for her opinion, and for helping you while you pursue this path, and then tell her you look forward to her sitting front and center at your graduation.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Your 7 yr old should be your motivation as well as your urge to care for others. This is your life and you have to be the provider for you & your baby. Trust me don't let "Mom's" rain on your parade. Like my Pastor says when you trying to do better everyone might not understand & others may not want you to have better. I feel your mom loves you but she may be jealous, of scared for you either way. You have to prepare a better life for you and your child. Good Luck I support you & I don't even know you. :)

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Peds Medical Floor.

A very close friend's mom told me "nursing is too hard" and basically that she didn't think I'd make it. Well I sure showed her! When I graduated it was all "I just knew you could do it!" How convenient. I'm glad I didn't listen to her!

There will always be people who want to rain on your parade and will want to bring you down. Be honest with yourself, and if you decide the hard work and sacrifice are worth it, you WILL do it. Failure is NOT an option (what I used to tell myself in school).

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Have you sat down and had an objective talk with the woman? Everyone is saying suck it up to its over, but you should really have a heart to heart.

Ignoring her behavior is not going to make her more supportive of you. I'd try to have as much as an objective discussion with her as possible, dispell all of the reasons she thinks it's wrong for you, show her that you've done your homework and you're taking the lead on this one.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ..

It's so easy to give advice about a superficial problem. "Just tell her to mind her own business", "Live your own life", "She wants to live vicariously through you", etc, etc. But, relationships are much deeper and more complicated than telling someone to

'take a hike' or 'ignore them'. I'd imagine that the OP's mom babysits, contributes financially, and takes on much of the household chores for the three generations. There is some imbalance in the relationship; typically we want to be independent when we become parents and do all those things without assistance. And, when an adult child receives financial and household help, the parent may feel a right to give more opinions than is appropriate.

All relationships have their give-and-takes/ push-and-pull dynamics. Those of us on the outside can easily spout off 'common sense' advice that puts the other person in their place. But, we're not around for the aftermath of the decision. The OP risks losing her mom's help and losing her mom's respect and trust. Yes, from what was posted, Mom seems to have lots of opinions and lots of complaints--but maybe there is a morsel of understanding in what she says... or she has her own reasons for her opinions. Each of us has personal experiences that mold our personalities and our beliefs; what the OP's mom believes or feels may be very foreign and 'wrong' to us, but to her it makes sense--and in her heart, she believes she's giving honest, reliable, and responsible advice to a daughter she loves.

I value diplomacy and honesty and try to proceed in life with both. Better than a confrontational or defensive response, the OP might be better served to find a quiet hour to talk to her mom, or write a very heart-felt response, addressing her concerns. It's always better to talk about feelings than facts: no one can challenge your feelings, while they can challenge your facts. Don't get into a discussion about the realities of a nursing career. Even within the nursing community, there is an enormous range of opinions from 'this job sucks' to 'this is my dream'. She may have read posts on this site and articles in media about the difficulty of finding nursing jobs or the stresses of nursing, so she's formed opinions based on her own evidence. You'll never convince Mom by talking about realities; but you can make progress talking about your fears and your desires.

Tell your mom how you feel. "I'm worried about providing for my child in the future and it scares me to think I can't do this." or, "When I have your support I feel I can accomplish anything, it means a lot to me when I have you in my corner". This makes it so much easier for Mom to see that you want to be responsible, that you love her and value her input, and that you need her support.

You mom may not always say the right things, or react in ways that you'd want her to, but if you encourage her, she can probably do better. Give her positive reinforcement and be kind. I suspect it will pay off.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Med Surge.

Hi there, I also have three kids and two have special needs, and a husband that is not supportive what so ever, but, when I passed the TEAS, and applied to 3 different nursing schools and got accepted to all of them he was then givening more repect. Now, I have to choose which school to attend because I still have to pick up the kids and do homework with the kids and my own. Help!!! Any time managment pointers along with some positive support please!!!!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ..

@studybudy: your name implies that you're already figured out one of the most important keys to academic success! Besides that, try to study at school or a library--fewer distractions and no opportunity for interruptions (tell your family your phone will be on 'silent' when you're in class or studying--they'll have to get used to that when you have a job--might as well break 'em in now!) rid yourself of 'time wasters', suspend your Facebook account and check your email no more than three times a day (nothing is THAT important!) Make sure you're organized: write down assignments, due dates and requirements. Pace yourself, better to do a little every day than cram or stay up until 3AM writing care plans or papers. Get An APA paper writing program (PERRLA is a good one, but there are others) it will save you hours and hours plus you won't lose precious points for referencing mistakes. Study every night as if your test is tomorrow--you'll retain more info long term and you won't panic the week before. Get as much sleep as you can, keep time for yourself and your family. Good luck!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Bite the bullet. She can't objectively say that you will be a bad nurse because she doesn't know. The only way to find that out is to become a nurse. There is a small chance to become infected with the HIV virus via needle stick, but a very minute one indeed. Explain to her that she is dragging you down, hopefully that will help her realize what she is doing (perhaps she doesn't even realize what she's doing) and back off a bit or start showing more support.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Add a Comment