I'm drowning and I hate everything!!!

  1. Ugh!
    I am getting to the point where I hate just about everything. I just finished my first semester in my MSN program. Hated every minute of it. I'm working 3/4 time right now... going to part time in the spring. Hating every minute of it.

    I just am hating everything about this whole work / school thing! I just want to stay at home with my family... but that is unreasonable. Is this normal to just want to give up? I have been in school for 5 plus years straight. I'm doing nurse educator and PNP, but I don't even want to work as a PNP after graduation right now... I don't want the responsibility, I just don't feel like it... I have, for some reason, gotten so turned off to the whole NP idea that I am dreading what I am doing. I really just want to teach when I get out - however, I want to go ahead and complete the NP incase I change my mind. Plus, if we needed money I might do better if I worked as a NP. Ugh. I also hate working (work in general - I'm ok once I get there, but the minute I go home I never, ever want to go back). I also feel like my work has been kind of jerking me around in reguards to my hours and my schedule.

    Is this normal? I have been trying to think that I am just depressed and I'll get over it soon (we've had a lot of major life changes at home recently - I found out I am pregnant, and we have a new foster placement). Does anyone else feel like this while attending school and working? I feel like everything with school is so far away also... since I am doing a combined program, I won't be graduating until 2007! I feel like I am so stuck in what I am doing right now, and I don't want to do what it takes (completing all of that school) to get out of it. I feel sooo hopeless. :-(
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  2. 15 Comments

  3. by   suzanne4
    If I am not mistaken, did you not just graduate with your BSN?
    No onwe says that you have to accomplish everything right away.
    This is one of the reasons that I really encourage new nurses to have at least two years of experience before going on to grad school. You are more settled into work, and can find out what you really want to do. Most change their minds several times when they are first starting out. I have witnessed this many, many times.

    Good luck in your choice.
  4. by   christvs
    Quote from jeepgirl
    Ugh!
    I am getting to the point where I hate just about everything. I just finished my first semester in my MSN program. Hated every minute of it. I'm working 3/4 time right now... going to part time in the spring. Hating every minute of it.

    I just am hating everything about this whole work / school thing! I just want to stay at home with my family... but that is unreasonable. Is this normal to just want to give up? I have been in school for 5 plus years straight. I'm doing nurse educator and PNP, but I don't even want to work as a PNP after graduation right now... I don't want the responsibility, I just don't feel like it... I have, for some reason, gotten so turned off to the whole NP idea that I am dreading what I am doing. I really just want to teach when I get out - however, I want to go ahead and complete the NP incase I change my mind. Plus, if we needed money I might do better if I worked as a NP. Ugh. I also hate working (work in general - I'm ok once I get there, but the minute I go home I never, ever want to go back). I also feel like my work has been kind of jerking me around in reguards to my hours and my schedule.

    Is this normal? I have been trying to think that I am just depressed and I'll get over it soon (we've had a lot of major life changes at home recently - I found out I am pregnant, and we have a new foster placement). Does anyone else feel like this while attending school and working? I feel like everything with school is so far away also... since I am doing a combined program, I won't be graduating until 2007! I feel like I am so stuck in what I am doing right now, and I don't want to do what it takes (completing all of that school) to get out of it. I feel sooo hopeless. :-(

    Jeppgirl, it sounds like you have so much going on that even if you truly do like school, you just have so much on your plate right now that it is overwhelming. No wonder you are asking yourself if this is what you want to do. You are a new nurse (I think) , you're in school and working, and you are pregnant, etc. I am a new RN as well, and sometimes that part alone is already too much for me! (although I've applied for grad school next fall, so I understand about setting goals for yourself). Take a deep breath, step back from everything, have a long talk with yourself and decide what is most important to you in life, and go from there. Good luck in what you decide.
    -Christine
  5. by   jeepgirl
    Thanks for the helpful comments. I graduated with my BSN this past year - I did an RN to BSN track (I graduated with the ADN / received my license in the spring of 2004). So I am a newer nurse.
  6. by   gauge14iv
    You might want to take a semester off and just step back. Put some projects on the shelf, just take some time to relax and enjoy your family.

    You might find out some things you really didn't know and you may make some decisions that might lead you to a happier place in life.

    Its hard to enjoy work and school and your family all at once. Been there. School is the easiest thing to eliminate at this point - even if just for a short break.

    At one point - after 9 years of nursing and being severely burned out - I took a year off of nursing in all forms. I went to work for a tech company, and just sort of dropped out. It was fun, I had ample time to examine why I wasn't happy with nursing, and when I went back it was with a renewed sense of purpose and power. I am a better nurse for it.

    Just kick back and enjoy your family, then your work - change jobs if you need to - and put school on the back burner for a bit. Nobody will think less of you for it! Give yourself a break!
    Last edit by gauge14iv on Dec 11, '05
  7. by   carachel2
    Quote from jeepgirl
    Ugh!
    I am getting to the point where I hate just about everything. I just finished my first semester in my MSN program. Hated every minute of it. I'm working 3/4 time right now... going to part time in the spring. Hating every minute of it.

    I just am hating everything about this whole work / school thing! I just want to stay at home with my family... but that is unreasonable. Is this normal to just want to give up? I have been in school for 5 plus years straight. I'm doing nurse educator and PNP, but I don't even want to work as a PNP after graduation right now... I don't want the responsibility, I just don't feel like it... I have, for some reason, gotten so turned off to the whole NP idea that I am dreading what I am doing. I really just want to teach when I get out - however, I want to go ahead and complete the NP incase I change my mind. Plus, if we needed money I might do better if I worked as a NP. Ugh. I also hate working (work in general - I'm ok once I get there, but the minute I go home I never, ever want to go back). I also feel like my work has been kind of jerking me around in reguards to my hours and my schedule.

    Is this normal? I have been trying to think that I am just depressed and I'll get over it soon (we've had a lot of major life changes at home recently - I found out I am pregnant, and we have a new foster placement). Does anyone else feel like this while attending school and working? I feel like everything with school is so far away also... since I am doing a combined program, I won't be graduating until 2007! I feel like I am so stuck in what I am doing right now, and I don't want to do what it takes (completing all of that school) to get out of it. I feel sooo hopeless. :-(
    Wow...let me get this straight: you have foster children, you are pregnant, you are working almost full time AND going to school part-time ?

    I think as nurses, one of our most important jobs is teaching our patients about balance and then trying to instill it in our lives as well

    . Unless you are on some mad rush to finish, slow down and enjoy some of the rewards of what you have earned. One of the benefits of nursing is you *can* work just whatever hours your budget will allow. If you are at a time in your life where you find yourself craving time with your family and it is a consistent craving, give yourself that time. School will be there when you get back. Look at your budget, figure out how much you need and want to work and then go from there.

    After I delivered my daughter, I was diagnosed with peripartum cardiomyopathy. An ejection fraction of 25% completely forced me to slow down and realize that we are given times in our lives for certain reasons, and to not enjoy and appreciate them is spitting in the face of grace, you know ? The school will always be there. It is *ok* to cut back your hours and it is *ok* to take just one class at a time.

    Hang in there...I didn't meant to discourage you at all, but more to give you permission that it is ok to not run life like the proverbial rat race.
  8. by   carachel2
    Quote from jeepgirl
    Thanks for the helpful comments. I graduated with my BSN this past year - I did an RN to BSN track (I graduated with the ADN / received my license in the spring of 2004). So I am a newer nurse.

    Whew ! It sounds like you are trying to blend two roles: becoming a more seasoned RN and learning higher thought processes PLUS learning advanced nursing roles PLUS becoming a new Mom. That would be overwhelming to anyone !
  9. by   krisssy
    Jeepgirl,

    I can really identify with you. When I had small children, I could not work and go to school at the same time. When I worked, I did not go to school. When I went to school, I did not work. I simply could not handle it. Even now-I have no kids at home BUT my adult kids still keep me busy, and I just got remarried. I have chosen, for now, to just go to school and to just start with one course. Personally, I cannot be happy or do anything well if I am too overwhelmed. Having small children, being pregnant, working and going to grad school is an enormous amt. for you to do. If I was in your shoes, I would cut out either the job or the school. What I would cut out would depend on finances and how I was feeling physically and emotionally. If finances isn't a real burden, maybe you should consider what makes you feel good right now, the job or school. Please allow yourself some fun in life and a chance to take care of YOU. I wish you the best with your career and your new little one on the way! Remember that YOUR mental and physical health is the most important thing. . Krisssy
  10. by   Gennaver
    Quote from jeepgirl
    Ugh!
    I am getting to the point where I hate just about everything.
    ...

    Is this normal? I have been trying to think that I am just depressed and I'll get over it soon (we've had a lot of major life changes at home recently - I found out I am pregnant, and we have a new foster placement). Does anyone else feel like this while attending school and working? I feel like everything with school is so far away also... since I am doing a combined program, I won't be graduating until 2007! I feel like I am so stuck in what I am doing right now, and I don't want to do what it takes (completing all of that school) to get out of it. I feel sooo hopeless. :-(
    Jeepgirl,

    Oh sweetie, you are overwhelmed! You need a break and to see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Do not ignore this, take control of this, (my best advice). I have learned through pharm class that if occasional depression is not treated, (by whichever means you chose) there is an 80% chance that it may become chronic.

    Sooo, with that in mind please take heart, you are doing a wonderful job AND you are dealing with a lot. Possibly your plate is too full. Is it a must that you work so much? Is it a must that you carry so many credit hours at school?

    Yet, it IS a must that you nourish and take care of yourself so that you can keep your stressors in perspective.

    Talk to someone, yes, a counselor even if it is for one or two times. When you are drowning you need a life vest. Take one! It is all for your benefit.

    Please post back Jeep! You can do this.

    Gen
  11. by   bookwormom
    I think you have received good advice above, but I'd like to add afew comments.

    First, if you don't like the NP idea, look at other options. I know NPs are all the rage, but a MS in nursing gives you all sorts of options in administration, teaching, government, etc. I speak as someone who has a MS in nursing administration. However when I graduated, I went into part time teaching and have been teaching half time for the greater part of the last 25 years. It is harder to break into full-time if you have been part time for a long time, but it can be done. (I started full time this Fall.) I work part time clinically at times also.

    I like teaching because I love students, and the schedule is better for me as a mother. I think there is federal aid now for graduate students who are willing to teach.

    Second, I urge you to take your stress seriously. Nurses, just like other people, can become clinically depressed, but I think we are more likely to think we should "tough it out". See your family doctor or NP!! Your kids deserve a happy mom. You deserve it too.

    I know if you are pregnant, you may not be a candidate for meds, but counseling can help.

    And ALSO, reach out to your friends and family. LET them give you a hand. So many times we appear so together, that others don't offer us the support we need, even they are so willing to give it. I never realized how wonderful my friends were until I let my own vulnerabilities show. If anyone offers you help, even to carry the groceries to the car, or take the kids for an afternoon, or to cook a meal, ACCEPT IT.

    I wish you well.
  12. by   oldiebutgoodie
    Quote from suzanne4
    If I am not mistaken, did you not just graduate with your BSN?
    No onwe says that you have to accomplish everything right away.
    This is one of the reasons that I really encourage new nurses to have at least two years of experience before going on to grad school. You are more settled into work, and can find out what you really want to do. Most change their minds several times when they are first starting out. I have witnessed this many, many times.

    Good luck in your choice.
    I graduated in June, and will be starting an MSN program in January. However, for a while (probably 2 years) I will probably only take 2 or 3 courses, max, a year, and these are courses that you really don't need nursing experience to get through (statistics, research, epidemiology). But I agree with Suzanne that the clinical classes should be taken later.

    Oldiebutgoodie
  13. by   angel337
    you have too much going on. when i graduated from nursing school i thought it was such a relief to not have to worry about papers, care plans etc..,....so i can't even imagine what it must be like to have a family, a new pregnancy, adapting as a new nurse AND going to grad school. i think you know what you need to do, so just take a deep breath and put a plan into action. good luck with everything.
  14. by   Jessy_RN
    I am so sorry jeepgirl, best wishes to you :kiss

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