Someone Please talk to ME....I am Brokenhearted - page 3
A tough, difficult weekend in OB for me.....we had a 23-week lady (hx infertility x6 years) come in with "just a few cramps and pink tinged mucus" for evaluation. She was smiling, and very very... Read More
Apr 12, '04Take care of yourself Deb. She was lucky to have you to comfort her, and now you need to give yourself permission to comfort yourself. I know it sounds strange, but I sometimes feel like the world gives me little hints when I don't get it right the first time around. My grandma died the day before I started nursing school and I just kind of threw myself into school and avoided it. I mean, I cried and all, but I thought I was over it way before I was. Then my first patient was a dying older lady with the same name as my grandma, and the family was so much like mine it was freakish. I wondered if God was trying to tell me something.
If you need to cry, then that's what you need to do. If you need a break from work, then take it. Sometimes we just have to experience it all and nothing can make it easier other than knowing it will get better. I hope you surround yourself with the love of your family and friends and know that they are all there for you, just like all of us.
Apr 12, '04Bad things always come in 3's. You think that perhaps this patient was "sent" to you because you could help each other? You have unresolved "issues", they always come back to bite you when you least expect it. Let yourself grieve, I'm sorry I didn't see the part about your own losses until I read your post again. You've been through a lot. We often help ourselves more when we help someone else. Sounds like you've been holding it all in for a very long time. Maybe it's just time now. I am sure I speak for all of when I say we're here for you to vent to for as long as you need to. xoxoxo Wendy
Apr 12, '04I have been trying to keep it together... and done a good job...now it's just too much and I am tired of being stong. I am tired of being the "brave one"....tired of the sadness, repressed so I can go on for my own family and kids.....to be there for them. I wish I could run away. I guess it's just too soon. My last loss was in January and it was the hardest one yet.
I am not a green nurse; I have seen losses like this before, many of them, but for some reason this one bothers me horrendously. I can hardly stand it... Ugh, tears , I hate these. I hate feeling like this. Where is the freakin chocolate??????????????????????????????
Apr 12, '04It is the threads like this one that show how nurses can pull together and take care of one another, it does my heart good to see. We often have heated debate but when one ofour number is low and feeling the pain and stress we ban together.
Kudos to all!!!
Apr 12, '04((((((deb))))))...
i'm so sorry for your patient. i'm sorry it brought you pain too.
i told her, "you have to learn to re-define what is "normal" in context of this horrible loss. somedays, it's all you can do to go thru each minute let alone a whole day. you have to take it one minute, one hour and one day at a time trying not to think too far ahead in order to stay sane....i know the anger you feel, the denial, disbelieve. i have been there and i am willing to listen if you want to talk". i hope i helped them ---somehow. i know their pain----it is just unspeakable.
i think you need to take time for you....it is hard when you have had a loss and have those moments where you have to be strong for your spouse or your other children-yes, they need support...but you do to.
are you doing anything to help "work" through your grief? i know someone mentioned rts-does your hospital have this program? if they do, go to a meeting to talk about your feelings. i can't tell you how much it helps to be with others who get it. there are also great support systems online where you can post about your feelings and get reinforcement.
other things are keeping a journal-you can write about being sad, angry, jealous, hurt....get those feelings out.
i hope i haven't upset you by replying here. you are not alone in your pain...you know? it takes time...how long...i wish i could tell you. it has been 21 months since blake died-i have my good days and i have the bad days still where i could care less if i got out of bed or not. it is exactly like you told your patient...having to take it one minute, one hour, one day at a time.
if i can help you in anyway, let me know. i am an email away!
i hope tomorrow is a better day for you! :kiss
Apr 13, '04Thinking of you, Deb, and you, Ginger, and how your experiences humble me with your fragile yet amazingly powerful spirit. You lift others when you yourself are hurting as much, as well. Why?? Not because it's "my job." We have all cared for extraordinary people in horrendously adverse situations who, after touching our lives, have left us merely shaking our heads in wonderment at their grace, their beautiful spirit.
Deb, you emptied of yourself and came here to be filled again. Ginger and others, you help lift and carry the weary, and strengthen the trembling. I don't think it's exclusively a "nurse" thing, it's a human "thing." Thank you for what you all give. I wish I could take the pain away for you; we all hurt, to some degree -- sometimes more, sometimes the edges are blurred. . . You are all in my prayers.
Sorry so disjointed . . . hard to put some feelings into words.
Apr 13, '04Deb, I've been priviledged to be a labor and delivery nurse for ---40---years. I know how it hurts when we don't have a great outcome, no matter what the reason. It is time to cry, morn, and take care of Deb for a while. Try to find a nice psychologist or social worker to listen while you talk it out. It really makes a world of difference.
Remember, everything was done to rescue this baby, and no one, especially you, needs to feel that they should have done something or not done something.
It has been said that God doesn't give us anything we can't handle, but sometimes it seems like He has over rated us. This will work out and the experience will benefit someone sometime. It is hard to find a way out of the deep, dark hole that seems to swallow us up at times like this, but somehow we find a way.
My prayers are with you, Deb, and the family, the baby, your babies, for all the little angels that smile down from Heaven.
I thank God for every family and every little life that I touch, and I cry for those that don't "make it".
I have always found your postings to be thoughtful, and have read them with great interest. I know you well enough through these, that I know you will turn out okey, but it takes time. Give yourself time.
Apr 13, '04Dearest Deb
Have a day to yourself where you dont clean you dont work where you dont do anything but for you. When you are at home have a long bath I am surtant that your husband will not begruge you the time. And most importantly dont beat yourself up.
Talk to support groups they are wonderful people that have been where you are I should know I am in one. Big hugs and lots of chocolate.
Apr 13, '04So sorry, Deb. This was the straw that broke the camel's back for you. You try to keep on going, but as others have said, take time out for you. I agree that a good counselor or psychologist would help right now.
It's so horrible that this one didn't make it, but I'm glad the baby was loved and not tormented before it died. I don't think that what we do to the little ones is always a kindness.
Apr 13, '04(((((Deb)))))
I'm so sorry. I just want to say I think OB is blessed to have you as a nurse because you have so much compassion.
I am so sorry for your losses.
Apr 13, '04Quote from SmilingBluEyesUgh, tears , I hate these. I hate feeling like this. Where is the freakin chocolate??????????????????????????????
Here ya go......... don't even have to share. These are for you and you alone, my Friend. Kisses have a way of gently wiping away the tears.
Please take care of yourself, Deb, and get whatever help you need to deal with your feelings.
I know if I ever gave birth again (ha! yeh RIGHT! )....... that I'd sure want you as my nurse by my side. :kiss