have you had an abortion?

  1. I need some advice and was wondering if anyone has ever had an abortion and regretted it? Can you please tell me why you chose abortion and how you came to decide that was the best choice for you. I am currently facing the question of abortion myself but I don't think I can go through with it. I don't personally know anyone who has had one who I can talk to about this. Anything would be appreciated; I would not judge anyone.
    •  
  2. 73 Comments

  3. by   Marie_LPN, RN
    The best answer i can give you is to talk to a counselor who's familiar with your situation. I believe that's the only way to ensure that you're going to get non-judgemental, unbiased answers (this is a very strong issue on this board).

    Maybe this site will help to get you started on finding a counselor:

    http://www.plannedparenthood.org/
  4. by   KaroSnowQueen
    I have not personally had one, although I came close about twenty some years ago. I found out I was pregnant when my baby was only six months old. I did not feel ready to have another baby physically, emotionally or financially. I seriously considered it for several weeks.
    In the end my heart told me I was wrong. I did have that baby, and he is my only son, and a joy to me. I cannot imagine my life without him and I to even think that I contemplated not having him still to this day makes me physically ill.
    Just my experience.
  5. by   Boe
    I have not, but I do know of a support board where other women are in the same position as you are (or had been).

    http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-ppabortgrf
  6. by   lizmatt
    I have not, but I have been in your shoes and it is a scary place to be. I actually had 3 appointments and each time something happened and I could not go. When I look at my children I am so thankful that my car broke down that third appointment. Anyway... you will get through this. This link is to a workbook that is supposed to be helpful.

    http://www.ferre.org/workbook/index.html
  7. by   ampersam
    Quote from cutecat
    I need some advice and was wondering if anyone has ever had an abortion and regretted it? Can you please tell me why you chose abortion and how you came to decide that was the best choice for you. I am currently facing the question of abortion myself but I don't think I can go through with it. I don't personally know anyone who has had one who I can talk to about this. Anything would be appreciated; I would not judge anyone.
    cutecat,
    I've had two abortions. Later I had two beautiful, healthy children whom I adore. I personally do not for a moment regret my abortions.

    The first one was when I was 18 and in a relationship with a much older man. He "loved" me so much that he refused to use a condom, and I was waiting for an appt with health services to get birth control when I realized I was pregnant. I was in college and felt very sure that I could not have a baby. He wanted to get married and to this day I am convinced that I and my child would have suffered much before I would have eventually divorced (he's an alcoholic). After the abortion, I was able to break it off with him.

    The second, I was 22 and was raped by a former boyfriend. He broke into my apartment while I was sleeping and held me down and raped me. I was too ashamed to report him and consequently did not get treated or get the morning after pill. When I went to the clinic for the abortion, I received the first compassionate care of my young life, including free STD testing and an empathetic ear.

    Later, this is the clinic where I worked for the better part of a decade as an abortion counselor. If you want to ask questions about the procedure or anything, you can PM me. The suggestion to call PP is a good one; they can give you sound information on all sides of the issue. Any reputable clinic can offer you pregnancy options counseling, the point of which is to help you sort out what is best for YOU--not to tell you what to do.

    good luck to you...I know it is a rough spot and I wish you the best.
    ampersam
  8. by   kittylvr
    Quote from cutecat
    I need some advice and was wondering if anyone has ever had an abortion and regretted it? Can you please tell me why you chose abortion and how you came to decide that was the best choice for you. I am currently facing the question of abortion myself but I don't think I can go through with it. I don't personally know anyone who has had one who I can talk to about this. Anything would be appreciated; I would not judge anyone.
    Hey cutecat if you want to talk, email me and I'll tell you my experience. Don't really want to talk about it in the main forum. I know you are facing a big decision and you need all the info you can get.
  9. by   Kyriaka
    Same as Kitty. I have emailed privately.
  10. by   hock1
    I chose to have my baby eight years ago. One girlfriend had an abortion and never regreted it. Another tormented herself about it still to this day. Yet another gave her child up for adoption. Two of us were married, two were not. It is such a personal choice. Sometimes pregnancy is so not convenient and sometimes downright at the most awful time. I agree with the counseling. It is usually free. At least where I went, I never felt presured about which direction to go. It was totally left for me to decide. Best wishes and remember it is up to you.
  11. by   KaroSnowQueen
    I couldn't get the link in apoole's post above to work so I found the page and am reposting the link:
    http://www.ferre.org/workbook

    This site takes you through all options, keeping the baby, abortion, adoption, also hits on birth defects, several religious viewpoints (both pro and anti), and on the possibility of grief and regret post abortion, as well as stories of those who felt it was the right decision. One of the very few sites I've seen that tries to cover all sides without much bias either way.

    This is part of the site, I found it very interesting.

    Will I regret an abortion? Self test.

    Circle: 1) Not true for me
    2) Somewhat true for me
    3) Really true for me


    1. I believe abortion is the same as murdering a born person 1 2 3
    2. I am not sure if I am making the right decision 1 2 3
    3. I don't want an abortion, but I have to have one 1 2 3
    4. I know I will regret having an abortion 1 2 3
    5. My parents are rejecting, critical, or abusive 1 2 3
    6. The man involved is abusive, rejecting, and controlling 1 2 3
    7. I think God will punish me for having an abortion 1 2 3
    8. I will not be able to forgive myself for having an abortion 1 2 3
    9. No one is giving me emotional support right now 1 2 3
    10. Someone else is forcing me to have an abortion 1 2 3
    11. I am never going to think about it again after it's over 1 2 3
    12. I suffer from depression or diagnosed personality disorder 1 2 3

    Add up your score. If it is 24 or over, you may want to do some more work, or see a counselor before you have an abortion.
    Last edit by KaroSnowQueen on May 18, '04
  12. by   kimtab
    I had an abortion and I can't say I regret it, it was the right choice for me at that time. I was not prepared to be a parent and I felt in my heart that it was not morally wrong. However, I do think about it now and then, especially after having had my son, and wonder what might have been. Somewhere in my heart I know that if I had carried that other child, I wouldn't have the son I love so much now. So that pretty much shuts down the "If only's", if that makes any sense.

    Had my heart not been in it, I would not have been able to make that decision. I think I feel at peace with my choice because I firmly believed it to be a sound judgement and the proper one for me.

    There is an active support board for termination (and boards for alternatives) on babycenter.com as well.

    Kim
    Kim
  13. by   TweetiePieRN
    Quote from cutecat
    I need some advice and was wondering if anyone has ever had an abortion and regretted it? Can you please tell me why you chose abortion and how you came to decide that was the best choice for you. I am currently facing the question of abortion myself but I don't think I can go through with it. I don't personally know anyone who has had one who I can talk to about this. Anything would be appreciated; I would not judge anyone.
    I personally have never had an abortion. However, a few years ago I did accompany a very good friend to the clinic so she could have a support person there with her. I was in the room with her when she was having her abortion.

    My friend was a single mother raising her 3 year old son and working full time. She also took care of her aging mother who lived with her. Then she found out she was pregnant. After telling the father of the baby...he left her. The decision to abort was very hard for her to make, but in the end she is glad that she went through with it. As a friend, I am so glad that I could be there for her.

    I hope that you will find accurate information so that you can make an informed decision. Good luck to you. You will be in my thoughts ((((hugs))))-Tweetiepie
  14. by   cynthia_donne
    Quote from cutecat
    I need some advice and was wondering if anyone has ever had an abortion and regretted it? Can you please tell me why you chose abortion and how you came to decide that was the best choice for you. I am currently facing the question of abortion myself but I don't think I can go through with it. I don't personally know anyone who has had one who I can talk to about this. Anything would be appreciated; I would not judge anyone.
    I deeply feel for you. I have not ever had an abortion, nor would I because of my strong belief that God is in control and it is a life from conception. I have been with friends and family members that have made that decision. I can say that not one of them have forgotten the experience. Several of them continue to mourn for years after having other children, for the child that was aborted.
    You are the same age as my daughter. I am sure that you are overwhelmed and feel trapped. You are young and want to continue with the life that you had planned. I appeal to you to consider adoption, if you are unable to parent the child. In the United States, you have so many options. I know that this may seem very hard to do. So many women choose abortion because they do not feel they could have the child and give it up, But consider the women that has not been able to concieve or has had the death of all her newborn children and now is given the opportunity to fullfill her desire to be a mother. I know such a women. She is in the process of adopting a baby girl from Columbia. The cost is enourmous, the wait is long. Although the infant's Mother was unable to keep the child, the babe was not a mistake. She has a mommy waiting on her in Texas. And no one could convience me this was not God. I am a nurse, and I have never forgotten that this is a gift. Your pregnancy is also a gift. It may not be a gift that you can keep, but it is not a mistake.
    I hope that you can come to peace with your decision. I pray that you find someone that can help support you and provide sound advice that can lead you to a place of peace.
    If I can help you in any way.please feel free to write me. I know several people that I feel could help you.

close