Double Standard BS

bagladyrn, RN · Aug 10, 2006

(Let me first tell you that my husband is the second oldest of 13)
I was talking with a family friend of my in-laws who is at UC Sandiego getting her Pych degree. I was telling her how I am starting nursing school this month and that I plan on becoming a nurse midwife. MY husband says "Yeah, I do not know how she is going to get woman to want her to deliver when she does not have any kids" (I do not plan on having any kids until I graduate...I take my pill religiously)
Comments like this TICK me off. No one says "I can't have a male OB because he has not been pregnat or been in labor"....at least I am a WOMAN! From now on I am going to say having a man delivering a baby is like hiring a mechanic that has never driven a car... At least I have the parts, just don't plan on taking them out of the box for awhile.

Tell your husband I've worked over the years with several midwives who were also nuns - definitely no firsthand experience but excellent caregivers and the patients seemed to love them!

Seriously, though, it does sound as if the two of you need to have a heart to heart about your personal timetables.

RNfromMS · Aug 14, 2006

I have to say that I hate it when my patients ask me how many children I have. I feel like they are trying to determine if I am qualified to care for them. I do not have children; it was not a decision but it is my life. I regret not having children, but cannot change it. Do I think I could be a better L&D nurse if I had experienced labor...maybe, no probably. However, as we tell everyone, every pregnancy is different. If I had been pregnant and gone through labor, that does not mean I would know necessarily what my patient is going through. It is cultural, religious, individual. It can also be different depending on which delivery it is, on the patient's emotional & physical well-being. Whether she has support. Whether she wants the baby. Whether she feels she can care for the baby. You get the idea. So even though I haven't personally experienced the process, I have participated in the care of many births and feel I can bring empathy and understanding to the situation. I hope I never get to where I feel like I know it all and view every birth the same way.

gitterbug · Aug 14, 2006

Develop a thick skin because unkind comments will always be made. The hubby needs some heart to heart talk regarding his support of you and your dreams. Good luck and continue to follow your heart.

fleur-de-lis, BSN, RN · Aug 14, 2006

I have never given birth, but I have been a L&D nurse since I graduated. I do have an adopted child who is my world. Do I think the fact that I have never been in labor keeps me from being a good L&D nurse? Heck no! Has every oncology nurse had cancer? Has every med-surg nurse had CHF or COPD, etc.? I think not. I have been told several times over that I am a wonderful L&D nurse. I have NEVER had a negative survey and almost all of my patients take the time to tell me how much they appreciated me and how special I made them feel.
I agree with the posters who say the coments strike more of a personal chord than professional. At any rate, good luck and best wishes!

Your post made my day! I have been unable to conceive on my own and I personally do not want to undergo fertility treatments (I am adopted so that is way more natural to me than IVF or other tx). I feel drawn to L&D but have been hesitant due to my situation. This gives me hope that if this turns out to be the area I want to be in, I can do it without feeling the need to conceive artificially. (BTW, I have nothing against those who do choose fertility tx, I think that is great if it works for them. It's just not my cup of tea !)

Luv2BAnurse · Aug 14, 2006

When I was in labor, I couldn't have cared less whether my nurse had ever gone through childbirth or not. As long as she knew what she was doing, or at least was willing to get help, she was all right with me. As a matter of fact, I don't think I ever even asked.

tomskm · Aug 16, 2006

i have assisted in the birthing of over 80 babies :welcome: as a student nurse / midwife, and am confident i could do it better than any of my 48 female student colleagues who have the right parts, including those who have had children and many of my med school student colleagues.

assisting in the birthing process worked out this way, in a room with about 6 nursing students, 6 medical students the first two to don gloves on would assist the mum (there was a shortage of gloves where i worked)

i was told by my head of school when i applied to do obgyne for my master’s degree... 'the world is not ready for male midwives yet', :angryfire

i hope the world would be ready in another 50 years or so , ... i love my nursing practice and would prefer to practice midwifery any day if i had the choice:idea:

oh well, its not the end of the world, at least i have a job :lol2:

bagladyrn, RN · Aug 17, 2006

i have assisted in the birthing of over 80 babies :welcome: as a student nurse / midwife, and am confident i could do it better than any of my 48 female student colleagues who have the right parts, including those who have had children and many of my med school student colleagues.
assisting in the birthing process worked out this way, in a room with about 6 nursing students, 6 medical students the first two to don gloves on would assist the mum (there was a shortage of gloves where i worked)
i was told by my head of school when i applied to do obgyne for my master's degree... 'the world is not ready for male midwives yet', :angryfire
i hope the world would be ready in another 50 years or so , ... i love my nursing practice and would prefer to practice midwifery any day if i had the choice:idea:
oh well, its not the end of the world, at least i have a job

the world may not be ready for male midwives, but be assured they are out there anyway - i worked with a male midwife for years. and no, i never heard any of his pts. object to being treated by a male midwife.

Critical LPN · Aug 17, 2006

i have never had an mi or chf or respiratory distress, but that doesn't mean i don't know how to treat patients experiencing those thing

:w00t::yeahthat: :yeah: Ain't that the truth. Oh by the way-----perhaps we all need to die first before we help with grief counseling or speak on death and dying stages.

I have had the respiratory distress and a little CHF in the past but I was also unable to breathe and a little foggy in memory when I had episodes of VT to remember how to tell someone else how they should recover at the time! :uhoh3:

pyrolady · Aug 18, 2006

Ummmmmmm, I strongly agree with those who have advised you to have a heart to heart with hubby. Where there's smoke there's fire and he is definately wanting to know how long before family time. You on the other hand seem to desire a career. Smart move on your part to get the college degree first. Most of the women I went to school with were single, divorced, or getting one. One lady however did give birth to twins in our last semester of our senior year. Instructors worked around the fact that she was confined to bed for the last half of the semester and she got out of bed only to do her clinicals for management. Another had NINE children, drove more than an hour each way to go to school, and was planning on a divorce (which her husband knew about) when she graduated. That degree will come in handy as you have children within your marriage - also for other reasons. Many men are insecure if you are educated too - it means that you have the way to support yourself should anything go wrong. :) Good luck to you as you go forward with your dreams, you don't have to have given birth to excell in the field - obviously, or men wouldn't be delivering babies.

labcat01, BSN, RN · Aug 18, 2006

Where I live there is only ONE CNM and let me tell you she is in high demand!!! I don't think it really matters whether you have kids or not. (just my little pep talk)