Double Standard BS

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Specializes in Ante-Intra-Postpartum, Post Gyne.

(Let me first tell you that my husband is the second oldest of 13)

I was talking with a family friend of my in-laws who is at UC Sandiego getting her Pych degree. I was telling her how I am starting nursing school this month and that I plan on becoming a nurse midwife. MY husband says "Yeah, I do not know how she is going to get woman to want her to deliver when she does not have any kids" (I do not plan on having any kids until I graduate...I take my pill religiously)

Comments like this TICK me off. No one says "I can't have a male OB because he has not been pregnat or been in labor"....at least I am a WOMAN! From now on I am going to say having a man delivering a baby is like hiring a mechanic that has never driven a car...:lol2: At least I have the parts, just don't plan on taking them out of the box for awhile.

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Specializes in SICU.

Your husband is one out of thirteen kids! Can I presume that he comes from a strong Catholic family. If so he was brought up to few birth control as a sin. You don't want children until you graduate. Is that graduate from BSN in four years or graduate as a midwife in eight to ten years.

I think his comment was less about you not getting clients and more about a possible disagreement on how you both see your married life together going in the future.

You need to sit down and discuss when you both see children happening and if you are going to get supported in you going to nursing school. Good luck.

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I have heard that too. I have two children myself but some of my instructors have confided in me that they are not sure about my classmates who have no children and have never worked in childbirh setting.

It is defintely a crazy double standard. Most people wouldn't blink an eye at hiring someone with no uterus but if you have one you better use it:)

I came into my desire to be a midwife through having my own kids. I do sometimes wonder about my classmates who have never experienced a birth (as a witness or player), supported a woman in labor, or participated in gyne care. I think they can still be great midwives, but I wonder if their perceptions will change once they experience birth in all of its glory and lack thereof. But I have never heard of surgeons getting a couple of transplants under their belts before med school, so same principle- although most will at least have volunteered in a health care setting.

If it were my husband, I would say he is just trying to be funny and doesn't realize that his comments are a little rude. Good luck with everything!

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All of us have different experiences that lead us to follow a particular path. I'm a NICU nurse who has never had kids. I sometimes joke that I have 40 kids, but I get to leave them at work.

As long as you have a kind heart and you are committed to learning, you can make a great nurse. You'll never completely eliminate your critics and naysayers, though.

(Your friend probably knew that the comment was a little silly. She's going for psych - has she spent any time involuntarily committed? :) )

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Specializes in Ante-Intra-Postpartum, Post Gyne.
Your husband is one out of thirteen kids! Can I presume that he comes from a strong Catholic family. If so he was brought up to few birth control as a sin. You don't want children until you graduate. Is that graduate from BSN in four years or graduate as a midwife in eight to ten years.

I think his comment was less about you not getting clients and more about a possible disagreement on how you both see your married life together going in the future.

You need to sit down and discuss when you both see children happening and if you are going to get supported in you going to nursing school. Good luck.

three years to get BSN

One year in OB then 18 months to get CNM

I think you are right. The other day he said "You do not want kids!" I told him I did but I could not give the attention that I would want to give my children while in school, and that it would reflex on my schooling. I do not know how you people with kids do it, especially the single moms...three cheers I can't even fathom it!

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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

Sounds like you two need to have some heart-to-heart talks BEFORE you even think of having kids.....

hmmph. This would fly like a lead balloon w/me if my dh said these things.

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Specializes in Onc/Hem, School/Community.
three years to get BSN

One year in OB then 18 months to get CNM

I think you are right. The other day he said "You do not want kids!" I told him I did but I could not give the attention that I would want to give my children while in school, and that it would reflex on my schooling. I do not know how you people with kids do it, especially the single moms...three cheers I can't even fathom it!

Sounds to me like you've got your head on straight. I'm in school and my kids are school-aged; however, it's still alot of work. My husband is very supportive and has taken on alot of the household/kids' issues. The other day he jokingly commented that he didn't realize that he would end up being a single dad while I was in school. Maybe you could approach it that way with your dear hubby? Good luck and keep up the good work!

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Specializes in LTC, Home Health, L&D, Nsy, PP.

I have never given birth, but I have been a L&D nurse since I graduated. I do have an adopted child who is my world. Do I think the fact that I have never been in labor keeps me from being a good L&D nurse? Heck no! Has every oncology nurse had cancer? Has every med-surg nurse had CHF or COPD, etc.? I think not. I have been told several times over that I am a wonderful L&D nurse. I have NEVER had a negative survey and almost all of my patients take the time to tell me how much they appreciated me and how special I made them feel.

I agree with the posters who say the coments strike more of a personal chord than professional. At any rate, good luck and best wishes!

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Specializes in 4 years peds, 7 years L and D.

I have actually had a patient once tell me half jokingly but I think she was serious..that she wanted a different nurse when she found out I had six kids! I really think she thought I was going to have a "been there done that" attitude and not "feel sorry" for her when she was hurting..even though she had only known me for all of 5 secs when I introduced myself and she bombarded me with questions! She was a bit of a princess, very nice girl but she was afraid I was going to be mean and not get her an epidural as fast as she wanted one. We ended up having a great day together. ANYWAY...my point is you never know what a patient is going to "want" or not want...they just need a competant and caring nurse whether or not she has been there done that or not!

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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

Sue said it well.

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i have never had an mi or chf or respiratory distress, but that doesn't mean i don't know how to treat patients experiencing those thing ;)

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Comments like this TICK me off. No one says "I can't have a male OB because he has not been pregnat or been in labor"....at least I am a WOMAN! From now on I am going to say having a man delivering a baby is like hiring a mechanic that has never driven a car...:lol2: At least I have the parts, just don't plan on taking them out of the box for awhile.

Midwives are not simply the female version of the OB. Midwives have traditionally been older, experienced women who help women through childbearing through skill and empathy. Having had children is an asset for a midwife, but not a requirement.

That said, I would not personally choose a young childless woman to be my midwife any more than I would choose a male OB to deliver my children. I *personally* want a mother/older sister/aunt/grandmother figure. Just my preference.

Altalorraine

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