13yr olds having babies.

  1. I caught myself saying what any parent does not my child.
    I took my 13 yr old to the doctor yesturday & found out she may be about 4mnths pregnant.
    I do not let her run the streets, I take her to school & back and she was in Martial arts until now and on honor roll.
    She was telling me she hasn't had sex ,I believed her because we never go anywhere and I always have her with me , except when she's in school.
    The doctor looks at me and says he'll be back, he brings in a fetal heart monitor, goes over to my daughter sqeezes the jell on her abdomen and a minute later I hear the heartbeat, my heart sunk , I had trusted her & she lied. The doctor looked at her and calmly said you lied to me --- she said huh, he said your pregnant. I asked him to do more testing I was still in denial .
    I talked to her in the bathroom & found it was a boy who had been in her class and it happened at school.I don't know how to feel or what to think. I said I would stick by her but I and my husband feel numb and depressed & I feel like I want it to be a bad dream, but I know it is reality.

    I just need someone to ask and someone to give me positive advice or something.
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  2. 60 Comments

  3. by   gwenith
    (((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))) Oh Wow!!!! I hope one of the OB/gyn nurses looks in on this thread for you because they will be able to give you more advice but hang in there. Nutrition is going to be all important for your daughter as both she and the baby will be competing for the same nutrients. She will need to be on a very good diet. I think you have already started the best part - being supportive of her and being there for her.
  4. by   LisaRN2B
    Oh, my, LilTiger, I am so sorry. As a mother of young teenage daughters you have my heartfelt empathy. Please keep us posted as to how you and your daughter are doing.

    I don't really know what else to add. I am not sure if it came down to brass tacks I wouldn't go ballistic on my daughter AND the boy if I were in the same position. Bless you for keeping a cool head.
  5. by   nekhismom
    (((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))

    I can only imagine how you must be feeling right now. I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers. May God bless you all.
  6. by   JennInColumbus
    (((((HUGS)))))

    I am so sorry that this has happened to you and your family. I know you will find advice and support here.

    (((((More hugs)))))
  7. by   gypsyatheart
    Oh, dear, what a predicament to be in! I am so sorry! As a mother and a nurse, I can sympathize. I do work in Maternal/Child Nursing and do see a lot of teen pregnancies.
    First of all, thank you for being "calm", I know you probably are feeling like you're "in shock". It is of utmost importance for you to be there to support her now more than ever. She is really going to need you...13 is soooo young to be having a baby and I can tell you, most of these young girls have no idea when they come in and they are laboring. It is really hard sometimes to labor w/them. Preparation and education is key at this point.
    Second: Start prenatal care as soon as possible, she needs prenatal vitamins, and a good diet, possibly a visit w/a nutritionist.
    Third: Without trying to sound "rude", once the reality of all this settles in, you should explore w/her options for the baby. Is adoption a possibility? Or will she live at home and have you and dad help her? I don't mean to sound indelicate, but, again, it is amazing how many people truly aren't prepared and just don't know what they're gonna do...
    Good luck to you, this is not easy, and there are no easy answers. You will have to just figure out what is going to work for your family. Anymore, I think, well,pregnancy certainly isn't the worst thing that could happen....as hard as it is, there are worse things going on w/our kids these days. Good luck!
  8. by   SmilingBluEyes
    Is it possible she was coerced or raped? Could it be, she is blocking out a traumatic event in her life, in telling you she never had sex? Is your daughter one who normally is honest and truthful? I just beg you to consider the situation very carefully.

    You say she swears she did not have sex.....maybe not intentionally. Lots of times, girls this young were either coerced or raped by older men. Please look into it. I would add good counseling in the next few months to the prenatal care you will need to get her. Something is up that a 13 year old ends up pregnant, and oftentimes, they have been harmed in the process. NOT ALWAYS....but it begs serious investigation.

    I am sooooo sorry about this. Don't blame yourself; it won't help the current situation and you will need to be stronger than ever for her now. Just hang in there, get her good medical care and do consider seeking individual counseling for her, or family counseling for all of you. I feel for you, I really do. I am so sorry.(((((((((((((((((((((HUGE HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))
    Last edit by SmilingBluEyes on Feb 17, '04
  9. by   rdhdnrs
    I have a 14 year old daughter, and I know this is every mother's nightmare. Please know we are thinking of you and your girl, and praying for you.
    I agree that you must begin now thinking of what the future holds for this baby. Are you going to try to keep it, or do you think adoption is best?
    What about your daughter's future?
    Bless your heart, I really feel for you. As a Labor and Delivery nurse, I have taken care of many very young girls, and they usually have no concept of what they've done.
    My only advice is to make sure the young man is involved and aware of what he's done.
    We'll be thinking of you.
  10. by   hmccartn
    So sorry to hear about your situation. Don't blame yourself. Things happen, unfortunately most teens think that nothing could possibly happen to them. Best of luck with whichever option your family decides; termination, adoption or following through with the pregnancy. Take Care.
  11. by   imenid37
    That is awful. I had 14 yr. old pg w/ twins on Sunday. She delivered Monday.
    Another nurse was telling me that apparently, her family initially thought this was a "cute" relationship and this young lady and her 13 yr. old S.O. spent lots of alone time together. I just feel bad for your family. I've got 3 girls and I worry about them and try to supervise all of them closely just like you did. Wow, I am just so sorry. This is so hard for all of you. You deserve a lot of credit for handling this so calmly.
  12. by   Spidey's mom
    I also have a 14 year old daughter and this is so weird but we just spent time sitting on our basement stairs together talking and crying about one of her friends who is having sex with any boy who asks. She is also bulemic. My daughter does not know how to help her. She has talked and talked to her about what she is doing and her friend does not listen. I suggested we go talk to her mom, even if she loses this girl as a "friend" it may be the best thing to do for her. Rather then just keep quiet.

    My daughter said that alot of the kids in her junior high are having sex. And drinking alcohol and using drugs. I'm about ready to homeschool . . .

    You daughter does need extra nutritional counseling and then counseling to come to a decision about what to do. One of the most unselfish things she might consider has already been mentioned and that is to give the baby up for adoption.

    I truly feel for you. I looked over at my daughter and can't imagine her pregnant but I know it happens. She is still just a little girl. Without the maturity to make adult decisions. Messing around with sex is the last thing our daughters need to do.

    I agree that the father of the baby needs to be held accountable. And Deb had a good suggestion and that is to find out for sure if this was coerced.

    My thoughts and prayers will be with you.

    steph
  13. by   NurseRatchet26
    I am so sorry your family is going through this. I have a 23 month old daughter and it scares me to death to think of her in the position your daughter is in. I think you are handling it better than a lot of people would. All you can do is support her and make sure she know you love her no matter what. She needs you more now than ever before.
  14. by   SmilingBluEyes
    duplicate message
    Last edit by SmilingBluEyes on Feb 18, '04

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