You have received a lot of supportive comments and I wish I had come here when I first became a nurse 3 years ago
I was trained in my LTC by a friend/RN on the midnight shift, and the way they did it was to sit at the desk and pre-sign and flag the MAR. I was brand new, not used to reading a MAR, and as a result I neglected to give antibiotics quite a few times. They are usually newer orders written on the last pages. I was called into the DON's office every time & always walked out feeling like a complete idiot. My DON kept stressing to me to sign the MAR 'after' I gave the med and I did start to do that even though it was more time consuming. I didn't know at the time that I had been inadequately trained. I do now. Good habits from the beginning make a world of difference. Of course now I am extremely diligent with my MAR, but I still wish I had been trained that way and I make sure when I train new nurses that I stress the importance of double/triple checking every page. You will get through this, trust me, it will make you more diligent about every med you give. I've been there. I was humiliated and crying years ago, and because of that I am very compassionate with new nurses and I share my secrets with them so they don't make the same mistakes. (hugs) to you and just remember this too shall pass!!!