Things patients have taught me NOT to do...

OOOh maaaan!

I learned not to do this last night..............Never pick up a hitch hiker, bring him to you home so he can use your bathroom, then shoot you in the neck with a bee-bee gun, rob you then spray you with mase..........I am so glad that this pt taught me not to do this

Never threaten the nurse who is going to start your IV- See how their hands shake when you do this?

When your baby's mother drops your 2 month old off for a day visit- do not give the baby "purple medicine" so stop him from crying. (very sad outcome).

Serrated butter knives should not be used as back scratchers while in the hospital.

Insulin needles should not be shared by family members, especially for weeks at a time.

When your wife has collapsed at 11 pm, do not go out drinking and wait until the bar closes to check on her (another bad outcome).

Do not tell your nurse that your sister is a nurse and has a typical nurse @#%* attitude. This may come off as unfriendly.

No matter how bowel obsessed you are, do not strip down naked in your back yard and have your husband (whom you met at a psych unit) give you an enema with a garden hose. Your neighbors will call the cops, you will get a bowel perf and peritonitis, and you will be sent back to the psych ward where you met your husband in the first place.



After you shove a pencil up into your penis, do not break the pencil while it is still inside.


A male and a female, both w/ size 20f foleys in, CAN have sex.



When working at a facilty for long term psych and medically unstable pts- do not forget to lock the employee fridge. A pt may wander in and cough out his trach into the employee's communal butter dish for popcorn.




Here's one a NURSE taught me-

Do not pick up hitch-hikers (Happystudent know this!), no matter how "harmless" they look.
One may attempt to rob you and your husband, by stabbing your husband in the eye w/ a pencil, whereupon he will be treated in the ED where you work. (No permanent damage to the eye).

[quote]Originally posted by Hellllllo Nurse
No matter how bowel obsessed you are, do not strip down naked in your back yard and have your husband (whom you met at a psych unit) give you an enema with a garden hose. Your neighbors will call the cops, you will get a bowel perf and peritonitis, and you will be sent back to the psych ward where you met your husband in the first place.


OW OW OW




A male and a female, both w/ size 20f foleys in, CAN have sex.

More power to them!!!



When working at a facilty for long term psych and medically unstable pts- do not forget to lock the employee fridge. A pt may wander in and cough out his trach into the employee's communal butter dish for popcorn.

oh ICK!!! lol

Do not hang out, reading the Bible on the porch of the local house that you really honestly didn't know was a Crack house, at 3:00 AM, absolutely minding your own business....because "Some Dude" will come along and and shoot you for no apparent reason!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Never allow your sex partner to push a screwdriver/wine bottle/apple/cork/banana/fill in the blank up your arse, and then tell the nursing staff you don't know how that got in there.

Remember: Your rectum is an EXIT, and bowel perfs are not fun.

Don't beg your spouse to bring your Himalayan cat in to visit you in the hospital where you are being treated for an asthma exacerbation.

If you are a 400-lb. diabetic, it is inadvisable to fall asleep with your dentures in the bed, lest they be found two days later buried deep in your left buttcheek.

You should never tell your nurse that your occupation is "phone sex operator", then be found on the phone just as she comes in to give your evening meds. (This happened to me just tonight
)