The Unbelievable things our Pts DO..It is true

Nurses Humor

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i was at a work a few weeks ago, and i was helping a cna with one of her pt (not mine) ...the pt had just been admitted that day but she was a pt i had for 3 months last yr when i was working full time...so whether she realized it or not...i knew how to handle her:rolleyes: ..we were turning her and i heard the cna mumble something...to me it sounded like "her teeth are in her ass". now i'm sitting there thinking "is this cna crazy". i figure maybe the lady had hemorrhoids or something and she had never seen them before and were mistaken them for teeth. then i saw the cna reach down and retrieve an upper or lower (i didn't inspect them real good...lol) from between this pt legs. later i found out that the denture was actually in her lady parts. we aren't quite how they got there or how long they had been there, the pt had been on morphine at the hospital so i figured maybe she thought someone was gonna still them so she hid them. they had been them a bit tho becuz she had a nice discharge to go along with them. anyways when i saw the pt's nurse. she was an agency nurse so she didn't know the ropes real well i joked with her and told her..."hey what are you doing to ur pts down there...when you admitted your pt did you not stick ur hand up in their lady parts to make sure their dentures weren't there" i told her "hey don't you know we have an area on our admission papers that said "are pt dentures in her lady parts" and we are suppose to check yes or no. it was so damn funny. the rest i the night all i could do was joke about it. then the cna said a little later "guess that the real meaning of getting eat out" later when we notified the charge nurse she said she was gonna tell the oncoming shift that if her dentures go missing her lady parts is the first place they need to look.

this is by for the funniest thing that has ever happen to me. but i'm sure my patients will soon remedy that...they always do.

Specializes in Education, Acute, Med/Surg, Tele, etc.

Not quite as funny as it is a pain of a patient...but I had a guy that was mowing his lawn one day and the blades got stuck with all the wet grass. Instead of being smart and turning the mower off, he proceeded to remove the grass by hand (bare hand) while the motor was on so he knew when the blades were freed. They got freed alright, after taking 3 of his fingers!

He drove past 3 hospitals and came to ours so that he wouldn't run into anyone he knew...and you guessed it...he drove himself in and didn't tell a single person he was going! (guess his wife was scared out of her mind..one second mowing the lawn, next missing for hours!!!).

So I go in there to clean him up, and what is he doing...but talking to his lawyer about a law suit!!!!! Yep, one against the mower company for not putting a big old warning sticker on the bottom of the mower telling you to turn it off before doing any work on it! UMMMMMM DUH?!?!?!?! He kept asking me to come back, and the doc couldn't do anything till I got his hand cleaned up! So I had to basically yell at him that we only had so much time to reattach the fingers...and he was running out of it since he took the scenic drive! He finally relented..but sheesh!!!!!!! He got two back...one was beyond help (I was suprised he even had the fingers with him...wondered if he turned the machine off to retrieve them???).

Then, actually yesterday I was called to a room for shortness of breath, but the room was in another facilty on our grounds for regular apartment living?!?!?(normally we do not respond but tell them to call 9-11, but since there was no real info and the guy called then hung up I knew I better go...couldn't assume they called 9-11). I get to the room and there is this poor woman mottled in blue and not really able to breathe! Okayyyyyyyyyy...I thought it was assumed when someone is blue you call 9-11, but guess not! So I had to call 9-11 and get them on the way (which wasted valuable time!). The husband said he was going to take her to the doctors (uh hello Saturday?!?!?), and that she has had severe stomach ache that tums didn't help!

He was insistant it was only a stomach ache, and thought calling 9-11 was silly! Thank goodness I made the trek! Her outcome doesn't look good, but hopefully the ED will get her back...but a very serious case of acute CHF and we were loosing pulse, and the 5 minutes it took me to cross the parking lot, then 3 minutes to find the place, and time it took to get some answers out of these very confused geri's...and the time to call and get paramedics there was not in her favor!

And of course, could either one tell me what her medical history was..NO! But thank the powers that be they did have her meds in a container..and sure enough...post stroke and CHF could be assumed from her plastic tub FULL of meds (he admitted to the stroke later, and couldn't remember when it happened..then I found out it was like 3 weeks ago! OOPSIE, good to know and tell the paramedics huh?!?!? GRRRRR!! I have a sneeking feeling that either he, or both (if she is alive) will be moving to our nursing side really soon! LOL! Tummy ache??? Uhggggggg (she was suffering all night!!!!!!).

Yeah...pts that make you go hummmmmmmmm??????

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I've heard of the stool in the NG thing before...it can be used to treat c-diff that doesn't respond to more conventional treatments. Usually a stool sample is taken from the patient's youngest healthy relative...

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I'm an LPN student right now-and we were discussing stories like this tonite...

One student was in a clinic setting-observing an RN doing an assessment- on this 20something year old guy who was a little bit strange..well-they asked him what brought him in, and he hemmed and hawwed about having had some weird episodes since going off his prozac...after not making much sense-The man finally threw his hands up in the air and admitted that he had a problem w/his testes..Well apparently, he had gotten drunk one night and cut a slit into his scrotum which he then went on to pack full of egg shells, chocolate and other particles...They also pulled out a sucker stick...YIKes....Not a funny story-but these stories are new to me-and I was really shocked at this one.

OMG:uhoh3:

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these stories are from my friend who works in the ER

1. a young lady, early 20's came in with complaints of laceration in her rectal area and scratches in her back. She said she was preparing her bath, she was bending down to check the water temp and supposedly her dog "did" her from behind. I dont even want to expand on this story, just use your imagination.

2. another, yes young lady, came in because she fell down, she was wearing a skirt and accidentally landed on a Zucchini and it broke off, witht he other half still in her rectum....... yah right!

Oh my...............

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What? Excuse me-what? Hello? Has anyone else EVER heard of this? It's a joke,right?

I've heard of ingesting e-coli pills to restore flora in bowel.

SJ

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Specializes in Education, Acute, Med/Surg, Tele, etc.

Okay...well I just talked to hubby to have him remind me of funny things..and he did! (he is paramedic)

Okay last week he had the whole thorny rose stem up the rectum to quell an impaction (cultural deal)...but he reminded me of a patient that was doing self accupuncture on herself using a sharp knife blade..she slipped and put it in her chest! ALL THE WAY! And wouldn't call 9-11 saying it was the will of her 'GOD'..okay thank goodness she had relatives not so into the practice as she....LOL!

He has had cases of just about anything up the rectum...coke bottles, vibrators, a bowling pin! Cases where ladies thought birthcontrol pills go lady partslly. And a case of a man working on a plane of his who got a huge screw through his head and actually drove to the nearest hospital with it IN THERE! The x-rays are astonishing...and he is totally perfectly fine...shoved any brain material out of the way thank goodness! Still a pilot from what I hear, but for some reason I wouldn't fly with him.LOL (private owned plane not commercial! WHEW! LOL!).

Weird thing I saw was this man dressed up like it was Mardi Gras in January..and he thought it would be cool to use sequins (sp?) for contacts to make his eyes pretty! Ummmmm..talk about abrasion big time and we had the HARDEST time getting that out! It slipped and went back of course..uhgggg! Then we found out that he put a safety pin in his....'member' on a dare....oh man!!!!!! Got that out no probelm!

He was SO wierd and he was all decked out in ladies undies and body paint..tons of beads...and sparkles from head to toe...pain in the butt to get all that glittery mess out of the exam room when he left!!!!! LOL, oh and of course, I was a student..my job to clean it out!!!!! But made for an interesting shift! LOL! Oh we joked about him for a week or more!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!1

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Specializes in Home care, assisted living.

We had a resident whose family insisted that she be allowed to keep her meds in her room (we had kept them them up to this point). The facility nurse went with the family wishes on this one, and the resident did okay for awhile. Then one day she came to the dining room asking for "decaffeinated bread". Needless to say, she took a trip to the hospital and her meds were kept in the med room--no more self-medicating for her! :eek:

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What? Excuse me-what? Hello? Has anyone else EVER heard of this? It's a joke,right?

Stool donation is real. There was a thread with links to articles here on the bb not too long ago.

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OK, have to say, been a practicing RN for 38+ years and I have certainly NEVER heard of stool donors.

Pat

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The last unit I worked on had a patient that recieved stool through his NG. Luckily it was before I worked there. They actually made the nurses prepare it. The family would come to the nurses station to tell them there was a "deposit ready" for them. The nurses then had to put it through a blender and then strain it before they could put it through the NG. At first I didn't believe it myself but everyone there told me about it seperately. But then again it was a small town hospital in the middle of Kansas. Who knows what goes on there?

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There's many a gross thing I have had to do in all my years as a nurse, but eeewwwwww! Stool in a blender! Not this nurse! yuk eeewwwww! And I thought I was grossed out by toenails. Toeneils don't hold a candle to this!

Pat

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:rotfl: A freind of mine is a vet and he tells me that they do this all the time with horses. His comment - At least you don't have to walk around a field checking to see which piles are still steaming first!!:rotfl:

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