Silly random nursing thoughts, one sentence, NO JUDGMENTAL FOLKS ALLOWED

[wooh]

Rule is: One sentence. Random thought. Silly is great. Funny would rock. If you're going to be judgmental, GO TO ANOTHER THREAD! FUN ONLY HERE!

Fomite is my new favorite word because it sounds like a sandwich spread.

[brillohead, ADN, RN]

I make a hand washing thread, and the nursing gods give ME a stomach virus? What? Really?

Oh yeah it was experience from both ends:(

My area's been afflicted with the gastrointestinal version of a clearance sale -- "Everything must GO!!!" -- this month too. Makes me want to wear sterile gloves to eat....

[sharpeimom]

My area's been afflicted with the gastrointestinal version of a clearance sale -- "Everything must GO!!!" -- this month too. Makes me want to wear sterile gloves to eat....

I LOVE it, Brillohead! Now, we have a more formal (and...ahem... in proper medical terms) for the creeping crud that had my poor husband doubled up most of last night.

[BostonTerrierLover, BSN, RN]

I hope this wasn't what the Mayans were seeing, Lol:)

I know of 6 hospitals on total lockdown around here because of the high levels of this "crud." They allow no visitors, and mask/glove cart is at both entrances where I work.

Doctors office had this sign, "If you are experiencing Nausea, Vomiting, and Diarrhea, please knock on our side door, and a staff member will buzz you in. Please do not enter waiting area."

I was toooooo sick to make it to a doctor, but I applaud those who could hold it in long enough to make it.

I found sitting on the toilet with a 3 gallon bucket in my lap the best treatment for like 1/2 an eternity:)

I knew I was better when I finally got to my knees to take small sips from the lavatory sink.

[sharpeimom]

This just seemed appropriate for this thread somehow! You can thank my cousin for this one.

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Maxine - Best one yet

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As we progress into 2013, I want to thank you all for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public toilet.

I must send my special thanks for the email about rat poo in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with

every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I can't have a drink in a bar because I fear I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.

I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern , I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car, so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring

me for life.

I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.

I no longer go to shopping centres because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me..

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to

Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan ..

Thanks to you I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant

death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice I can't ever pick up a coin dropped in the car park because it was probably placed

there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land

on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbours ex mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician!

Oh, and by the way...

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity

read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet..

NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY GOOD DAY�

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[BostonTerrierLover, BSN, RN]

Let's take a moment, and be grateful that Spiders can't fly.

[Kunzieo]

There are some days I wish that *I* was the one with dementia; I mean, I wish people were begging ME to eat, sleep, and take happy pills all day.

[Kunzieo]

Let's take a moment, and be grateful that Spiders can't fly.

Yeah, but some of 'em sure can jump hella ways.

[Daisy_08, BSN, RN]

Oh no! There must have been a biological terrorist attack, rendering all of my co-workers stuck to their computers and me the only one to hear and react to the alarms blaring.

[Orca, ADN, ASN, RN]

I think CB powder and Toujours Moi perfume are the prevailing LOL scents.

Don't forget Jergens Lotion, which my late grandmother used to excess.

[Orca, ADN, ASN, RN]

You must be in immense pain, considering that you had to set your alarm clock to wake you to get your PRN Lortab.

This actually happened. I had two male patients, mid-twenties or so, in the same room at a rehab hospital. Both were fresh post-ops for relatively minor ortho surgery, and both had q4h PRN Lortab orders. The hospital allowed patients to have their own clocks, so they set theirs to wake them up every four hours to get their goodies.

[Clementia]

So, as I'm surfing AllNurses, an ad pops up: "Find Difficult Patients on E-Bay."

No thanks. I routinely get them for free.

[nursel56]

I have found a chicken wing bone in a fat fold of a 560lb women tonight, she said,"gah, I am surprised, the cat must have hid that there. Now don't get me wrong- I'm a dog person, but do cats hide stuff???

My Siamese cat would hide all the throwrugs in the house if we left her alone for too long. She also chewed up all of the wool sweaters she could get to. You could actually see the holes in the shape of the kitty mouth where she nommed on the sweaters.

My grandmother was in an LTC for 3 years before she died. One of the residents had developed an intense emotional attachment to a chicken bone. Another would regularly roll in and have a conversation with her feet. My grandma felt somewhat smug about the chicken bone lady because she was always the fussy superior-type in the lady's church group.

You is good folks for cleaning that lady's folds out.