Funny things you have said but wish you didn't - page 27

A few years ago, I was on the phone with a person from the local lumber company. having in mind to ask if they had any tar paper. But instead, toilet paper slipped out. That remark started the... Read More

  1. by   NurseAlwaysNForever
    you know you are a nurse when you read the F/U post and don't get it at first because you actually read follow up....
  2. by   Hygiene Queen
    The telephone thing: my dear mother, when she was a teenager, used to think it was funny to answer the phone, "Dr. Butcher's Abortion Clinic! You rape 'em, we scrape 'em!"
    Yoinks!
    Then one day her father called the house... and she answered the phone...
    She was cured real quick!
  3. by   FranEMTnurse
    Quote from lyndamic
    Just in case emotional scars are funny: When I was a 17, I worked as a cashier at Venture (like WalMart or Target, for you young 'uns). Wednesday was senior citizen discount day. All day the elderly had come through my line and rejoiced in their discount.

    Late in the afternoon, an older lady came through, and as I rang her up, I asked "Will you be using your SC discount card today?". She said, "What?". I, all smiles, said,"Oh! Didn't you know? Since you are a senior citizen, you get a 10% discount today!". I began getting out the little form for her to fill out, to get her a SC discount card of her very own.

    She had an absolute FIT. "Do I LOOK like a senior citizen? Do I? Do I?". It was patently obvious that I had thought so, but I denied it and apologized and apologized. I tried to say that I hadn't really looked at her before I had spoken, but she knew it was a lie because I had been looking her right in the eye with a big, Venture approved smile. She informed me that she was just 50, thank you very much, and I was disrespectful and so hateful, and she couldn't believe I had said that, etc.

    She got loud (I was cowering and already in tears), and the manager came over and tried to smooth things out by telling the lady to meet her at customer service for a gift card. The lady eventually started crying, and walked out without her merchandise, or the gift card. :sad:

    20 years later, I still think about her sometimes, and feel bad about it. Whenever I tell that story, men always laugh, and women feel horrible for the poor lady.
    Well I don't feel sorry for the lady and I'm a woman. That's a lot less than I was called at church twice by the same woman. The first time I had my daughter with me and she asked me if it was my granddaughter. The second time I had my sister (granted, I'm not much of a one to primp, and she fusses with herself a long time before going anywhere) with me and the same woman asked me if she was my daughter. So don't feel bad honey. Stuff happens to us all. I just thought that woman was a bit dense; not refering to you at all.
  4. by   SueNYC
    I used to work in a Kosher LTC facility and had a new patient who spoke only spanish. I know some BASIC spanish. So during meal time she was refusing to eat and told me that she didnt like the food. The only alternatives were sandwiches. So I asked her about a multiple of different fillings, none she liked. I thought to myself, I like ham, so I asked her if she wanted ham and she happily said yes. I was so excited that I was able to communicate with her and get her something she liked, so I ran to the phone to call the kitchen. The only one to pick up the phone was the rabbi. So I happily asked him for a Ham sandwich. Initially he thought I was joking. But I insisted on a ham sandwich. I then was reminded that we are in a kosher facility and was told exactly what that means, he being quite upset. I muttered sorry and hung up mortified. I know what Kosher is but in my moment of trying to accommodate the patient I completely forgot what I was asking for.
  5. by   mama_d
    I was doing admit paperwork on a new patient (dx: afib w/rvr) who denied any home meds.

    Our admit database has a list of maladies with checkboxes in alphabetical order. So, shortly after asking him if he had a history of anxiety/depression/suicidal thoughts, we came to the cardiac history. Yep, prior history of afib. I asked him again about home meds...denied any. I questioned this, ended up he had been d/c'd on Coumadin and Lopressor about 18 months previously but had quit taking it shortly thereafter.

    Me and my big mouth: "Are you sure you're not suicidal? That's a great way to give yourself a stroke and die."
  6. by   arismendez_LVN
    Quote from NeuroICURN
    Ok....so this isn't one that I said, but was told to me by one of the docs (We'll call him Joe) at work yesterday.....I swear I laughed so hard I almost peed myself! It was too good not to share!


    Joe was involved in the care of a trauma patient that had come into the ER. Well, apparently they were about to do a rectal exam. The resident (not the same doc as the one telling the story) that was going to do it meant to say "You're gonna feel some pressure in your rectum"..........instead it came out "You're gonna feel my penis in your rectum". :imbar :roll

    Apparently everyone heard it and they were laughing hysterically.....he was so embarassed, he just turned around and walked out of the room!
    OMG!!!!!! i literally laughed out loud all by myself!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA:chuckle
  7. by   luvinRN
    OMG, this is sooo funny, you made me cry..no really! Oh man, especially the term "air biscuit" coupled with "escuche!" wow. thanx for the laugh!
  8. by   mama_d
    I'm post-op from a hysto, some aspects of which have been difficult for my husband to deal with.

    We were at my in-law's for dinner the other night, with the kids playing in the garage with a variety of different kinds of balls. Our two year old was after some of the bouncy balls to play with. I turned to my hubby and said "Honey, can you hand me those blue balls?" Luckily I don't think anyone heard me, including him...I amended the statement when I had to repeat myself.
  9. by   Sunshyne2008
    Quote from Franemtnurse
    A few years ago, I was on the phone with a person from the local lumber company. having in mind to ask if they had any tar paper. But instead, toilet paper slipped out.
    That remark started the person on the other end's funnybone. In response to my question, he yelled to the help, "Do we have any toilet paper? The lady on the phone wants to know." Then he said, "Yes we do, but it's rather coarse. What grade would you like?"

    LOL
  10. by   growing777
    I work in Pediatrics, and we use anesthesia for many of our procedures. Our Peds anesthesiologists are notorious for just shutting off the Propofol gtt when the procedure is over and never flushing the IV. The kids then go to recovery before returning to the unit. No one in Recovery flushes the IV, either. By the time we get them back to the unit, with Propofol still in the line, they have been awake and alert for a little while. We either have to flush what's left of the Propofol, or start a new IV. Often, if it's a peripheral line, it has clotted off by the time we get them back.

    I had sent a child down for a GI procedure, and I knew the anesthesiologist on that day typically was a non-flusher. The kid came back to his room, and I checked the chart, noting that new IV meds had been ordered.

    I went into his room to hang the first med and, without thinking, I said, "God, I hope Dr. C remembered to flush when he was done!" The pt's father was sitting there giving me the strangest look. Realizing how that sounded, I said, "Maybe I should rephrase that." Dad said, "Yeah, I didn't know you guys were on such intimate terms." :angryfire
  11. by   meintheUSA
    Quote from growing777
    I work in Pediatrics, and we use anesthesia for many of our procedures. Our Peds anesthesiologists are notorious for just shutting off the Propofol gtt when the procedure is over and never flushing the IV. The kids then go to recovery before returning to the unit. No one in Recovery flushes the IV, either. By the time we get them back to the unit, with Propofol still in the line, they have been awake and alert for a little while. We either have to flush what's left of the Propofol, or start a new IV. Often, if it's a peripheral line, it has clotted off by the time we get them back.

    I had sent a child down for a GI procedure, and I knew the anesthesiologist on that day typically was a non-flusher. The kid came back to his room, and I checked the chart, noting that new IV meds had been ordered.

    I went into his room to hang the first med and, without thinking, I said, "God, I hope Dr. C remembered to flush when he was done!" The pt's father was sitting there giving me the strangest look. Realizing how that sounded, I said, "Maybe I should rephrase that." Dad said, "Yeah, I didn't know you guys were on such intimate terms." :angryfire
    LOLKOLOL
  12. by   Melinurse
    God bless those little old ladies who are obsessed with their bowels. Well, I had one a week ago who I noticed had not had a BM in 5 days. Of course I start her on MOM. Next day, I have same patient. I took her to the bathroom where she passed the biggest BM I've ever seen! She looks at me and says, " Did I have a bowel movement? " First thing I said was, " If it was any bigger you'd have to be sent to labor and delivery for an epidural. " Thank God she thought it was funny too.:chuckle
  13. by   mumarada
    This thread is so funny!! Thanks for a great laugh.

    I worked in CCU a few years ago and I saw one of the Cardio Fellows. I asked him where he was working this month; cath lab, EPS, echo, etc. He said he was working in the EPS lab and the other doctor was in the cath lab. He then said, 'We're the electricians and they're the plumbers!' I thought it was funny. Only a nurse would understand this one.

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