Funny things that pts say - page 8

Sometimes sweet innocence can make your whole day...... I once had a pt who had really bad gas as I was helping her into the tub and she stated to me "no need to turn on the jets today honey,... Read More

  1. by   Mags_RN
    Quote from Jessiedog
    Was working with a 3yo child, admitted for IV antibiotic therapy, and was going through the usualy fiddliness of undressing, threading the IV though 'itty bitty pyjamas' so she could bath.

    Miss Three suddenly pointed to my R) forearm, where I have a large diamond-shaped mole. "What's that?" she asked.

    "It's a mole." I answered.

    She subsided and looked thoughtful for 30 seconds: "What's it doing there? Why doesn't it run away?"

    It did take me a few moments to realise her mistake, when I promptly dissolved into hysterics, imagining a four-legged furry blind rodent sitting on my arm since the day I was born!!!

    so precious
  2. by   ivorybunny
    The other night I had a wonderfully oriented pleasant 94yo female patient who had not had a bowel movement in a few days. She had been given medications earlier in the shift, and later on I smelled poop. I went into her room and found her on the bedside commode, and asked, "Did you have a bowel movement?" Cause you never know it could have just been gas. Her reply "What did you think I sprayed my perfume?"
  3. by   MelodiousRN
    I loved the ETOH withdrawal pt who, when I asked "are you having hallucinations" said to me, "well, you would be too if you had bugs crawling all over your ceiling!!"
  4. by   AimeeJo RN
    I had a patient a couple days ago tell me all about how alfalfa tea would keep you from getting grey hair. She says I am 65 and have no grey hair. Nevermind the fact that I am looking at a completely grey haired 85 year old. I just smiled and told her how nice she looks.
  5. by   NewRN2008
    so where i work we have discharge papers with their procedure; vs; meds and when to call the dr stuff. SO!! i was doing such teaching for a pt after TAH-BSO; Appy. you know, normal stuff, but when i got to the part about "when to call the dr", i read thru the things on the sheet and explained s/sx of such things to make sure to call, even if you just have a question or are not sure right? okay, this list is basics; prolonged fever; drainage; not urinating.. all that kinda abn stuff right? okay, so this lady actually asked me
    "So, if its not on this list, i dont have to worry about it then right? because if its not listed it must not be anything?".
    ARE YOU KIDDING ME? i didnt laugh or anything, i was just dumbfounded! so now when i do my teaching with pt's- i make sure and tell them about that section and hit some of them, but tell them that if anything is different or they have any questions to call.
    lmao.. what are ppl thinking? i dont get it!!

    -H-RN
  6. by   NM nurse to be
    I worked a night shift on a different floor last night in LTC. There is one very spry 95yo woman who was just diagnosed with pneumonia yesterday and wasn't feeling so hot. Normally she toilets herself completely but last night needed support getting up and down.

    I had her standing at the rail by the toilet and asked her if she wanted me to help with her brief. She shot me this horrified look but burst out laughing when I started with the brief.

    She said how horrible must I look, I thought you said you'd pray for me :lol I didn't think I was THAT close!

    That made me giggle all night, her too when I came back later to get her up again. Sweet old thing, she has quite the memory! Knew all the places I did in Chicago and remembered names that I couldn't find. I really enjoyed her last night
  7. by   annaroseannadanna
    I have a restorative dining program and one little lady Bessie would toddle in every day with her walker. She was so cute. Little bitty tiny thing would walk up to you and give you an eskimo kiss every day and then she would rest her forehead on yours and in a tiny gruff voice say "I love you honey". Everyday when Bessie would leave I'd tell her "see u later aligator". this went on for a few weeks when one day out of the blue, she looks up at me very quizzacle and says "I know there's more to it, I just don't remember what it is". So I told her "You use to tell your daughter that everyday when she went to school and the rest of it is: after while crocodile". She smiled and nodded and said "yes, that's it." and went on her way. At the next meal time, she comes in at the regular time, gives me my eskimo kiss and tells me she loves me, eats her supper and as she's leaving I tell her "see u later aligator" she looks at me kind of funny, like she knows there's more to it but just can't remember and then you could just see the lightbulb () come on and I'm thinking (she actually remembers?) and then with this ornery look, squints one eye and says in the loudest little old lady voice she can muster "OK tadpole". It was soo funny. she had myself and my 2 dietary aides ROFL.
  8. by   olli975
    My first clinical I had two patients in the same room who had "sun down syndrome". One patient got confused, got out of her bed (she was ambulatory), started wondering around the room and woke up the other patient. The other confused patient started asking her: "Who are you? Are you my doctor" and the first lady started saying: "Yes, yes I am your doctor" and it went back and forth till I had to take one patient from the room to the RN station... If could not stop smiling.

    Also, I was reminding an elderly patient how to use a call light. I said "here is your call light, do you know how to call me for an assistance?" He said yes, but did not sound sure, so I said "could you please demonstrate it" and he started screaming out loud "Nurse help, nurse help!" :chuckle

    I had also a patient with Alzheimer who used to be an RN herself. She was found wondering around on the streets with a drug book. The first time I walked in and introduced myself she said: "Nice to see you honey. I think you lost weight, so thin!" (mind you she never saw me before) I told her I was going to put eye drops in here eye and she said: "I would like to pay you first for this and all services your provide" Then in the middle of the day she tried to get out of the room, saying she needed to go on rounds and see her patients... I hope that's not me one day :-)
    Last edit by olli975 on Dec 8, '08
  9. by   ShelleyERgirl
    Quote from alcrab01
    I love alcohol withdrawal patients. They never fail to keep me laughing. One night, I had an old man who was a pill! I ended up having to put him in 4-point restraints. Despite my efforts, he still tried to escape. Sitting at the nurse's station, I could see him doing sit-ups, trying to get the restraints loose. I yelled, "Hey, I can see you!" He said, "I see you too! Quit being so nosy!"

    Later on, I almost peed in my pants.. He had been quiet for awhile and I was hoping that he had fallen asleep. All of a sudden I heard him call out, "Can anyone hear me?!?! Help! I'm tied up! Follow the sound of my voice!" Hahaha that still cracks me up!
    :roll:roll
  10. by   MissAnthrope
    I had an 87 year old lady once, post-op, doing fine considering. She wasn't very talkative, kind of grumpy looking. But me being the person I am, that is a challenge to me. I'll pick and pick at someone until they talk to me about something.

    So during her bath I chatted on and on about meaningless things, then started asking her questions. I asked if she had any children, and she replied "Two girls." Then out of the blue she says "You know, my husband didn't want any children."

    I said well you must have changed his mind at some point. She looks right at me with a "Duh" look on her face and, straight-faced as can be says "No, I just told him, look, I'm having some kids, and you can be part of it or not." I busted out laughing!!

    I later asked her about the work she had done in her life, and she said, "Oh, I did it all. I had a dress shop, I did secretary work, I flew a plane..." to which I asked "You flew a plane? As a pilot?" She said no, she had just learned to fly because she wanted to, but did I want to know why she stopped flying a plane? I said sure.

    She said "I was flying my plane one day and I looked around and there was nothing but sky and I realized...I can't stop and get a coke...I can't wave to anybody...so that was the last time I flew a plane!" :chuckle

    For some reason I think this is the cutest 87 year old lady I have ever met!!
  11. by   ElvishDNP
    The other night I was taking care of a fresh c/section pt and everything I tried to toss into the trashcan missed. Even if I was standing right next to the darn thing! Bounced wrong, went short, whatever, and I always ended up picking up stuff off the floor after finishing whatever I was doing. Finally at 0400 after about 9 hours of this, the pt turns to me and says, "It's is a really good thing you did not go to Beijing this summer. You cannot play basketball!"
    :chuckle
  12. by   DF-LPN
    We were having a petting zoo come to the facility one day this summer. I went into a res room to give her her 6am med and she asked me if I could take her to the b/r so I did. On the way back I asked her if she wanted to stay up or go back to bed abd she said bed because it was going to be a busy day. She stated "I'm going down later to look at all the furry coochies that were coming in today." I couldn't help it, I just burst out laughing. I politely explained what a coochie was. To this day her and I still giggle about that whenever she tells that there is some event at the facility that she wants to see............ I love my res!!!!!!!
  13. by   Melinurse
    So it is 0530 am and I am getting blood sugars and passing morning meds. We have 2 pts in each room. So I get to the room and bed #1 has a very nice man who the CNA is getting dressed so I close the curtain and go to bed #2 with my accu check machine and his pills. He takes his pills ( he is very HOH ) and I ask loudly how he slept. Then I use the lancet on his finger and get the drop of blood. Well, when I look down I see I forgot the strip for the machine and I said in a low voice , " Oh , I forgot my strip. " Well, the HOH man suddenly perks up and Heard me say that and he says, " Holy ****!! My nurse is going to strip. Where the Hell are my glasses. " I heard my CNA and the patient burst into laughter. I was laughing too. As HOH as he is I am still amazed he heard me at all.:chuckle
    Last edit by ElvishDNP on Dec 18, '08 : Reason: TOS

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