Funny things that pts say

Nurses Humor

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Sometimes sweet innocence can make your whole day......

I once had a pt who had really bad gas as I was helping her into the tub and she stated to me "no need to turn on the jets today honey, cause I'm self propelled!":rotfl:

I once had a pt ask me what time her "autopsy was scheduled for that day", I smiled and said "your BIOPSY will be later today".

I once had a little old lady ask me if I liked my job because I got to look at naked men all day.... :imbar

Just the other day I had an 84 year old lady ask me if I knew if her amniocentesis was scheduled for today or tomorrow. What she was asking about was her thoracentesis..

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There are times when you just HAVE to join in and let your hair down.

:yeah::nurse:

I agree with that!!!:up:

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Ro RO i would have loved to have you in recovery!! LOL

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Specializes in Paediatrics, Orthopeodics, ENT, General.
Ro RO i would have loved to have you in recovery!! LOL

I think by the time recovery came, the pre-med had caught up with the anaesthetic, and he was sleeping like an angel!! :saint: Not a peep out of him. Mum and & I burst out laughing every time we looked at each other, tho, which was frequently becuase of post-op obs. We were still laughing as I gave the post-op instructions. Funny, but I can't remember what the procedure was now. Possibly dental or grommets.

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Before i finished nursing school, i worked as a teacher's assistant for 4 years at a handicapped school. During recess one day one little girl came up behind me (i was wearing a ponytail hair piece with curly spirals) and pulled off my hairpiece! She took one look at it and started screaming. I probably shouldn't have said it but she would run everytime i tried to get it back from her, i told her that the hair would come alive and eat her fingers.(by the way she was what they call in education "typical" or reg ed meaning that she had no disabilities she was just devilsh). I know it was awful but i was so ashamed at my head i didn't know what to do!!

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I was working in a 6 bed ward one night two men were VERY confused and restrained for their safety. Well, all night they they were "talking" to each other but not having the same conversation! One was talking about his home being burglarized and the other was laying cement somewhere... But they were going back and forth responding to each other as if they were old friends! Anyway, as this went on at one point one of them mentioned being tied down and the other one goes, "I'm tied down too... When you get out come over here and untie me!" Then they went straight back into their "conversation." The other nurse and I were trying so hard not to laugh but when that happened we couldn't help it! :chuckle:rotfl:

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When I began my job as the DON at my employment, I had a resident at a LTC walk up to me and say "so you are our new DOA!"

I wanted to laugh so hard, but waited until I was out of her sight. What a sweet lady she was. :clown::roll

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I was working in a 6 bed ward one night two men were VERY confused and restrained for their safety. Well, all night they they were "talking" to each other but not having the same conversation! One was talking about his home being burglarized and the other was laying cement somewhere... But they were going back and forth responding to each other as if they were old friends! Anyway, as this went on at one point one of them mentioned being tied down and the other one goes, "I'm tied down too... When you get out come over here and untie me!" Then they went straight back into their "conversation." The other nurse and I were trying so hard not to laugh but when that happened we couldn't help it! :chuckle:rotfl:

Girl i feel you !!

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Specializes in PICU, CCU, Psych.

When I worked in the PICU, I once took care of an infant with severe hydrocephalus who kept having seizures. The mom and dad (both 17 and first cousins... yeah, I'm from Kentucky), kept astonishing me with their questions.

One day, Daddy said, "Hey let me ask you something. If that seizure's in her brain, why's it makin' her arm twitch?"

I started to explain, "Well, you know how your brain controls everything else in your body..." I got a blank stare. Then I said, "Um.. Let me go get the resident! He will be able to explain it much better!"

Another time, a baby with asthma was admitted in the middle of the night. The mom stuck her head out the door and said, "Hey, excuse me! Do you got a toy or somethin'? He's gettin' tired of playin' with my cigarettes." Go figure, wonder why that kid has asthma?

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When I worked in the PICU, I once took care of an infant with severe hydrocephalus who kept having seizures. The mom and dad (both 17 and first cousins... yeah, I'm from Kentucky), kept astonishing me with their questions.

One day, Daddy said, "Hey let me ask you something. If that seizure's in her brain, why's it makin' her arm twitch?"

I started to explain, "Well, you know how your brain controls everything else in your body..." I got a blank stare. Then I said, "Um.. Let me go get the resident! He will be able to explain it much better!"

Another time, a baby with asthma was admitted in the middle of the night. The mom stuck her head out the door and said, "Hey, excuse me! Do you got a toy or somethin'? He's gettin' tired of playin' with my cigarettes." Go figure, wonder why that kid has asthma?

:eek: oh boy!!!

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Specializes in Med/Surg/Tele.

Awesome!!

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I work in TBI and SCI, so needless to say I have my share of confused patients. Add nightshift to the mix and things really heat up!

I asked a lady who sent her the flowers, and she said, "My husband and his wife".

I had a guy who thought his closet was a fridge full of pizza coupons, and we had to hurry before they ran out of pizza.

How about the guy that thought his urinal was full of coffee? You can imagine how that played out!

We had one that thought they were part of the staff, and would try to access the med room to pass meds. He would wander and try to give peas to patients....I guess he thought they were meds! What topped it off was we had a CNA that had been peed on that day, so she had changed into a gown and drawstring pants. The other patients were moreso confused when two "patients" would enter their rooms and try to work! hahaha! :yeah:

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I was working in a 6 bed ward one night two men were VERY confused and restrained for their safety. Well, all night they they were "talking" to each other but not having the same conversation! One was talking about his home being burglarized and the other was laying cement somewhere... But they were going back and forth responding to each other as if they were old friends! Anyway, as this went on at one point one of them mentioned being tied down and the other one goes, "I'm tied down too... When you get out come over here and untie me!" Then they went straight back into their "conversation." The other nurse and I were trying so hard not to laugh but when that happened we couldn't help it! :chuckle:rotfl:

lolololol

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