Funny things patients say ! - Page 25

another one that comes to mind is the one where a nurse i use to work with was trying to explain to her patient the new medications ordered by his pcp. and so it goes....

nurse = "mr.xxx your doctor wants you to take a 20mg. of pepcid with your meals, for your heartburn ok".

pt.= "okay that's all good when said and done, but what i don't understand why not coca-cola instead of pepsi?" :uhoh21:

I was in the dining room at our LTCF and all of a sudden heard an elderly woman yelling. I turned and looked and she was waving her menu in the air screaming " Son of a *****, is that all I get paid for all the work I did?" I almost died laughing. Then she started crying like a baby. It was sad at that point, but have to admit we've all felt this way at times!

I was taking care of a blind patient who had Alzheimers. When I attempted to give him his medicine, he grabbed my arm and started gumming my upper arm saying "Oh Honey, give me a bite of that pork loin!" It took 3 nurses to pull my so called "pork loin" from his mouth!

patient: nurse, may i have a glass of water.


nurse: are you thirsty?


patient: no… i just wanted to check whether my throat leaks :uhoh21:

One of the departments where I work has recently been renamed from "overflow 2" to a more permanent "first floor inpatient unit". I have had more than one person say "first floor impotent unit"

I was attempting to give someone their insulin. When I walked in the room, the woman rips off her covers, pokes her rear in the air, and screams "DO IT TO ME BABY!!1!"

Pt told me yesterday that she was just in last month getting an autopsy!! (biopsy)

Trying to tell a confused, older patient I was turning him and he said, "that's not why you're in here."
I stopped and asked him what he thought I was in room for. He said, "you girls are partying out there and you want me to party, too. But I don't do drugs."
Hah...

Sent from my iPhone

I had a pt family ask me "what was the doctor saying about her dimensions?" lol I had to keep from laughing because the doctor has said things about dementia and this poor lady couldn't stop saying dimensions. It was too funny.

A mother comes in with her son to ED, and tells me at triage the following, as I perform the VS on her son.
mother= “I tried to detard him" (mother notices the baffled expression on my face and states) "That’s when you un-tard a retard, Needless to say, I failed.” ...Aloha~