Stupid things said by your non-nurse significant other

Nurses Humor

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This thread is started in honor of my darling husband, who told me this morning that he almost woke me early because he had a bowel obstruction.

I said, "A bowel obstruction? Really? Tell me more about it, honey."

He said, "Well, I had a hard time moving my bowels this morning. It took a long time and when I was done, I had this huge, hard stool, one of the biggest I've ever seen!"

As if that was something I'd be hopping right outta bed to see! I told him, "Honey, if you had a bowel obstruction, you'd be headed in for surgery. You'd be in pain. You wouldn't have just had the most humongous stool of your life. You didn't have an obstruction. You didn't even have an impaction, which I would NOT have removed for you, no matter how much I love you. You were constipated. In other words, you were simply full of ****. BTW, lay off the cheese!" The love of my life can eat a half pound of cheese in one sitting and wonders why he gets constipated! speechless-smiley-040.gif

Of course he's not a nurse! :devil:

Anyone else have stories about stupid, funny, silly things said by their dear non-nurse significant others, friends, family members? Please share! I can't be the only one!

#1 - When my dad had a stress test done a few years ago, Mom called to say everything was ok. She said the only thing of note was that his heart rate was a little slow. I explined that in very active people like my dad, it's common for them to have a slower pulse. Mom says, "They didn't say anything about his pulse, they said his heart rate was slow!!"

#2 - A nurse I work with had a patient's son tell her that he had taken care of his father's "section 5 decub" all by himself.

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Specializes in ICU.
Boiled Peanuts .... That makes me miss home :cry:

As long as it's pronounced "balled" peanuts! I live in OH, but as a kid, went down to south GA every summer to my granny's house (with mom & my siblings). I can still remember her cooking up some "balled" peanuts on the kitchen stove.

We were down in GA some years ago, and I got some boiled peanuts & tried to share them with my darling wife. For some reason, she wasn't that thrilled with them...:crying2:

She HAS, however, learned to eat Hoppin' John, greens, and fried okra!:up::up::up:

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Specializes in Cardiology, Oncology, Hospice,IV Therapy.

One of my brothers was having back pain one day and said to me "I think I have a cold in my back". After laughing hysterically, I assured him that there was no such thing. Then I said that "if you have a cold in your back is that why you've been sneezing out of your butt so much?". :chuckle:lol2:

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One of my brothers was having back pain one day and said to me "I think I have a cold in my back". After laughing hysterically, I assured him that there was no such thing. Then I said that "if you have a cold in your back is that why you've been sneezing out of your butt so much?". :chuckle:lol2:

:lol: You nurses have a lot of kick to ya!

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Specializes in Psychiatry.

"I am getting a blood test to check my prostRate gland"

Me: "actually, honey, it's called prostate"

Him: "No- it IS prostRate"

Me: Whatever....

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Specializes in OB, ER, ICU, Supervision, SANE.

My sister, who is a MA, often has "almost" something......

Last year it was "almost" pneumonia

Her son, btw, also has "almost" cystic fibrosis!

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Specializes in Cardiac Care.
My sister, who is a MA, often has "almost" something......

Last year it was "almost" pneumonia

Her son, btw, also has "almost" cystic fibrosis!

Almost pneumonia...did you tell her in medical terms its called a cold? :lol2:

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Specializes in ortho, hospice volunteer, psych,.

a neighbor's husband was admitted for surgery and shortly thereafter, i saw another neighbor who reported on him. he'd had his foot amputated above the knee...

sharpeimom:paw::paw:

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Specializes in Gerontology, nursing education.
"I am getting a blood test to check my prostRate gland"

Me: "actually, honey, it's called prostate"

Him: "No- it IS prostRate"

Me: Whatever....

Oh, goodness, that brings back a memory.

Years ago, I had a female patient ask me if I thought her problems could be related to her prostate. Poor, dear, sweet lady!

BTW, my DH hasn't said anything outrageous lately. I think he knows I'd post it to this board. devil-smiley-019.gif

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Specializes in LTC?Skilled and dialysis.

Regardless of my husbands symptoms everything he has is "the gout"... If he has diarrhea he says "I think i have the gout" . No need trying to explain to him what that is ....he is a dork!:banghead:

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Specializes in Case Mgmt, Anesthesia, ICU, ER, Dialysis.

DH can't keep any of his medication names straight...and will SWEAR to his grave he takes a certain med, in a certain dose...etc etc etc...you get the idea.

More than once, I've had to give him the "over-the-glasses" combination "mom-and-nurse" look (you ALL know what I'm talking about) and ask him just WHO has the college degree in knowing what drugs are given for what....

My recent favorite is how his sertraline (Zoloft) is "seralin".

I've given UP trying to gently correct him.

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Two of my favorites that my hubby has said:

"You should douche every week because it prevents cervical cancer. It washes away all those pre-cancerous cells"

and

"Melanoma isnt caused by the sun. Its caused by friction. Thats why women should have moles removed if they are being rubbed by their bra strap."

I didnt even have a response. I just stared at him. Arrrrrrgh.

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