i don't know what to tell you.
i have been a nurse for eight long years an clicked on this because i feel the same. after graduation, i worked the same low paying position as a staff nurse on a tele unit for five years. the only reason i stayed there that long was because of a terrifying incident that occurred when i took a second job about two years in. i had been in a rut and thought a new job with new challenges might rejuvenate me. instead, i realized just how evil and vindictive nurses could be.
i was so devastated that i was afraid to look at any other opportunities until after four years i gathered the courage to take another job that paid more closer to home. i kept the first job as per diem just in case. the move renewed my passion briefly, but after awhile the working conditions just wore me down. i was in a rut again. i decided to go back to school for my bsn, found out how challenging full time school was with two jobs. i quit my "home" job (that i had worked since graduation) and stayed in the new place. although i could have begged my old manager for my full time job back, i chose not to because, quite frankly i couldn't stand dealing with her and my immediate supervisor at the new place was tolerable. in addition, as stated previously the new place paid more and was closer to home.
keep in mind this new place is the most bizarre, kafkaesque environment i have ever encountered. the hospital is old, but was purchased by a large for profit healthcare corporation some years back. every few years the higher ups in corporate get rid of everyone in middle management, and i mean everyone-they fire the ceo, cfo, cno, coo,directors, managers and anyone else they can get their hands on. they radically reorganize everything, have employees written up for anything, and generally cause chaos. when this happened i thought it so strange i asked old-timers *** was going on, they said, "oh this happens every couple of years." i did research (on allnurses) and found out that this occurs in other facilities they own. i believe the poster said it was to "shake everyone up."
after this i started looking for work elsewhere. of course, that was just about the peak of the recession, and hiring stopped. i was trapped at this job, felt like i was working in the twilight zone. then he $#!% hit the fan, and i figured out why they "shake things up" every few years. this place is a union shop, and contract negotiations are coincidentally due about the same time they fire everybody (my previous employer was non-profit and non union). after a year of tense negotiations, the union voted to go on strike, which i originally supported, until i found out what they were striking over. needless to say, it was total bs on both sides. i crossed the line, figuring i was scheduled anyway so i might as well work as promised.
after graduation i transferred to the icu to escape yet another rut and have discovered that it's the same old $#!%. i am done. i want out. i got an offer to sell vad's went on an interview, but didn't get the job. i've been applying to the state prison system, gotten several offers i haven't really pursued because they are in bfe. i am done. i want out. i am sick of the bedside not because of the patients, whom i love caring for but because of the bs that prevents me from caring for them. i am only going to that hellhole so that i can pay my bills. i have a chant i use before work to get me in the mood "assessment charting communication customer service focus i love my job it's going to be a great night positive attitude teamwork time management" these are the favorite things of my employer. it's not working anymore.